Midlife Crisis Or Transformation

Midlife Crisis Or Transformation

Why Does Midlife Get Such A Bad Rep?

Now that I am personally in the height of midlife, I find myself vacillating between feelings of uncertainty and confusion yet a budding excitement of possibility and newness.  I mean I get it, navigating the inevitable transitions we face; our children leaving home, careers changing, parents aging/dying, re-envisioning intimate/social relationships, all while adjusting to our own health and body changes can be a disruptive force. For many of us, up until this point, there seemed to be a path we followed (i.e. school, careers, marriage/partnership, caretaking), or at least it was prescribed to us as the road that lead the way. But now the map leads…where?

On top of that who we are has changed, we care about different things and our values have shifted. What once served us well is no longer working for us yet these old patterns and habits are hard to ditch, leaving us wondering despite our best of intentions why we still feel unfulfilled and frustrated moving into the next phase of our lives. It’s no wonder midlife gets such a bad rep!

While midlife transitions are certainly challenging and often times messy they don’t have to be a downward spiral into darkness and irrelevancy. Here’s what I know to be true…I am way wiser now than I was younger. By midlife we’ve all learned enough about ourselves better enabling us to reflect and re-evaluate how we want to show up in the next phase of our lives. It can actually be period of time where we give ourselves permission to wipe the slate clean and reclaim ourselves, where leveraging a life filled with highs and lows can be the door to accessing a richer and deeper adult phase of life. 

Crisis or transformation? I think that’s really up to us. Look I really don’t like the fact that I find myself trying to conceal my “turkey” neck, struggle to sleep through the night, am trying to figure out how to empty nest gracefully, and am suddenly questioning goals I thought for sure would lead my way into the latter years of my life are now feeling flat and uninspiring. But here’s the thing, change IS an inevitable part of life. There is no getting around that. And since midlife seems to usher in a constant state of transitions, I know the one and only thing I can truly control is how I chose to show up through each. No doubt it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I’m going to lean in and trust the process, reminding myself I’m behind the steering wheel and put worry and doubt in the back seat. 

Anyone with me?

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Where And Who You Are Now

Where And Who You Are Now

The Power In Acceptance

For many, December is a month of reflection.  As we end the year and begin to contemplate new year resolutions,  it’s a perfect time to surrender to the discipline of acceptance. Without acceptance we are only fighting or denying what is, making it almost impossible to behave proactively and move forward to create the change we seek in the coming year. 

It’s important not to confuse acceptance with resignation. Resignation is an act of giving up of our control, quitting, or succumbing to less than desirable outcomes. Whereas acceptance is more about gaining control and increasing the likelihood for more optimal results through embracing what actually is, in order to better assist ourselves with the understanding of what really needs to be addressed.

So before we can create the change we desire for the coming year we must first accept where we are now. Grab some paper and pen and start considering how you spent this past year, what did you accomplish that you are proud of and where may have you fallen short. Let’s explore the highs and lows, celebrations and shortcomings to find the lessons to be learned from all our experiences, positive and negative and move forward with a renewed conviction in this new coming year.

Ask Yourself:

  • What were the most significant events (good or ugly) of the year past? (List the top 3)
  • What did you accomplish? (List wins and achievements)
  • What were your disappointments? ( Regarding yourself )
  • What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
  • What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc)
  • What would you do differently? Why?
  • What do you feel especially good about? What was your greatest contribution?
  • What were the fun things you did? What were the not-so-fun?
  • How are you different this year than last?

Let these reflections inform your plans for the new year. Say good-bye to 2019. Give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought and welcome in 2020 with your eyes wide open and ready to move forward!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-Holly-

 

 

 

Could You Spare 15 Minutes To Improve Your Life?

Could You Spare 15 Minutes To Improve Your Life?

The Value Of Keeping A Journal

Daily journaling — either on paper or a computer screen — has the power to make a real difference in ones life. Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful tool for solving problems, relieving stress and locking in greater success and happiness. Though I know the idea of adding one more thing to your daily routine feels daunting, this is one task everyone owes to themselves to seriously commit to. The benefits are endless, just read on to see why.

Journaling….

  • Accelerates Abilities To Manifest Our Goals-consider building a house without a blueprint. Once words and images hit paper, thoughts or ideas will crystallize. We not only use pen to paper to strategize action steps required to create what we want but it also signals to our brains that this is important becoming forged into our subconscious mind. Your reticular activating system (RAS) then flags relevant opportunities and tools to achieve those goals (NLP Institute of California 2017 study).
  • Enhances Our Emotional Intelligence-emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage our emotions, and that of others.Your journal has the potential to be both a “therapist” and a dear friend who listens without judging or interrupting and is open 24 hours a day. By serving as an outlet to process emotions, writing our thoughts and feelings down allows for a release and greater self-awareness. In turn we become more understanding of the range of emotions humans experience, encouraging us to be more empathetic with others.
  • Sparks Creativity and Inspiration-your journal is a place to write down anything  that comes to mind. The crazier the idea, the better. Let your imagination wander to the farthest parts of your mind. The more you practice experimenting with  possibilities and opportunities, the more inspiration you will find.
  • Solve problems more effectively-typically we problem solve from a left-brained, analytical perspective. But sometimes the answer can only be found by engaging right-brained creativity and intuition. Writing unlocks these other capabilities, and  affords the opportunity for unexpected solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems.
  • Boosts Memory and Comprehension-the composition of thoughts and ideas causes the mind to compose or re-compose these ideas while journaling. In other words, when your hand engages in writing, your brain engages in cognitive recall.  Your learning ability is strengthened and your memory improved.
  • Promotes healing-expressive writing has been linked to improved immune function, lower anxiety and stress levels, and better sleep. Dr. James Pennebaker, author of Writing to Heal explains “when we translate an experience into language we essentially make the experience graspable.” And in doing so, we free ourselves from the web of confusion that so often keeps us emotionally and psychologically bound to any trauma, drama, disappointment, regret, or long-held belief.
  • Supports Self Confidence-journaling about positive experiences allows your brain to relive it. And reaffirms your abilities when the ugly head of self-doubt appears. Keeping a journal becomes a story upon which you can reflect; it is not only a place to dump our inner thoughts and feelings but a catalog of personal achievements,  positive experiences, triumphs over negative experiences, and a testament to how far you’ve come.
  • Stimulates Self Discipline, Productivity, & Accountability-committing to daily journal writing is an act of discipline. Like with everything else, consistency and repetition breeds success. And good habits formed in one area of our lives have a tendency to have a ripple effect on others. Additionally, as we script our journey, we can find accountability and likely heighten our levels of productivity. Knowing that at the end of the day (or beginning) you will be sitting down to reflect on thoughts, desires, and challenges will assuredly serve as a daily reminder and motivator to get busy living life with greater purpose.  

And the benefits of journal writing don’t stop there. For me, I also found that writing in a journal daily has vastly improved my relationships both within my personal and professional life. By writing  down my thoughts and experiences as well as progress towards desired outcomes I simply just have become that much more present and engaged in my life. Discover for yourself the benefits of journal writing, it doesn’t have to be a big orchestrated event, start today jotting down what went well and what didn’t. From there feelings and emotions will be expressed and goals revealed. Love to hear your discoveries!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

Empowering Your Relationships

Empowering Your Relationships

The Third Entity

February 2018 Insights

In honor of Valentines Day, I’d like to take February’s newsletter to reflect upon enhancing our relationships. Agreeably, Valentines Day has now become a holiday that tends to be more of an excuse to generate maximum profit of flowers/candy/jewelry while often spotlighting for many of us what’s not working so well in some of our relationships. However, with all that being said, none of us live in a bubble, relationships are all around us. Think about your life at home and at work. In virtually every moment of our lives, we are in relationship with significant others, co-workers, friends, family and moreover ourselves. Our lives are a web of connecting relationships. Nurturing and growing positive relationships while effectively managing draining, negative relationships are undeniably a vital aspect that needs to be addressed to ensure greater well-being and success in all areas of our lives. (more…)

Summer Series- Part III

Summer Series- Part III

What’s Holding You Back?

July 25th 2017 Insights

A few weeks ago, we explored limiting beliefs, the first of the “Big 4” energy blocks which prevent us from making conscious choices and reaching our potential. Let’s now take a look at another one of those blocks – disempowering assumptions. In general, assumptions are beliefs that are based on the premise that because something happened in the past, it is automatically going to happen again. When we make choices based on our assumptions, we let the past control the future. More specifically, disempowering assumptions hold us back even further, because when we experience something that doesn’t work, we likely avoid or simply won’t even attempt it again. Even if we do attempt it, we don’t put much energy towards it, or are engaged in what we are trying to accomplish, since we don’t really believe it will work. When we hold on to our disempowering assumptions, we miss out on many possibilities. (more…)