What The Cast of Friends Can Teach You About Making Decisions

What The Cast of Friends Can Teach You About Making Decisions

Difficult Decisions Are Everywhere

Do you find it hard to make your mind up? 

Well, I hate to break it to you, but in midlife, decision making can take on a whole new level… 

Why? Well, when you factor in brain fog, anxiety, or the loss of confidence that often comes with going through menopause, it can mean you find yourself overthinking, and even the simplest decisions feel like accepting a marriage proposal… 

Yet, the truth is when you hit your 50’s or 60’s you’ll often find yourself with more decisions than EVER to make in life.

Take me for example! In the last 5 years I’ve had to decide: 

  • Whether or not to have my hip replaced (health decisions are HUGE in midlife) 
  • If assisted living is right for my mom, and how best to deal with her alzheimer’s diagnosis
  • With all this going on, how exactly to expand my business, and how best to serve my clients 

Now, how we choose to make good decisions is as unique as we are. Some people will gather a great deal of info, and consider thoughts and opinions from a ton of sources. 

Others gather significantly less and take more time to decide…

And others will hurtle headlong into any decision based on what their gut tells them.

So, how can we possibly know if the decisions we make are the right ones?

Well, that’s where Holographic Thinking comes in… 

Holographic Thinking is something I learned in my iPEC training, and it’s an absolute game-changer (I don’t use that term lightly!) in helping you make good informed decisions and trusting your own judgment. 

Holographic Thinking teaches us there are 3 main ways to make your mind up:

1. Logic: analyzing a situation through examining the facts and using your mind in a linear and scientific way. Maybe this involves research about what experts believe about the situation, or critically analyzing what you already know by experience or common knowledge.

When you approach a decision logically you’re looking to see if it makes sense. 

2. Emotion: looking at a situation through the lens of how you feel. Here you’re probably looking to see what would be most enjoyable, or how the decision might affect others around you.

3. Intuition: instinctive knowledge that can’t be explained. (Or looking to see what your senses say.) This is what I refer to as a ‘midlife wizery’—i.e. many lessons learned, much knowledge acquired, and knowing ourselves better than ever. 

Ask yourself, how many midlife women do you meet who are totally rocking it, no longer bullshit themselves—and are so done with feeling ‘less than?’ Well, chances are, they’re perfectly in touch with their intuition… 

Now, all that being said, no one way is better than another, but combining all 3 is where the power lies—just as a hologram produces 3 dimensions or perspectives.

So how can we make Holographic Thinking work for us in real terms, in real life? 

Well, next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself these questions: 

  • How much sense does it make? How do I think it will work?
  • How enjoyable or fun will it be?
  • What do my inner senses say about it? What does my gut say? 

These questions target each facet of your thought process, and help you arrive at a well rounded answer you can be confident in.

And how can Friends help you with Holographic Thinking? 

If you find it difficult to remember the distinctions between the 3 types, it can help to associate them with advice from people you know—or even characters from your favorite sitcom. 

For example: 

  • What would logical Ross do to come to a decision in your situation? He’d likely read every single book on the subject and weigh up every possibility.
  • How would emotional Rachel feel about it? She’d probably write a letter (‘eighteen pages, front and back!’) and let it all out. 
  • And how would intuitive Phoebe deal with it? She’d trust her gut, play her guitar and wait for inspiration to strike. 

But one thing’s for sure, together over coffee in Central Perk, their decisions would definitely be more nuanced, powerful and effective. 

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Find you have more questions than EVER in midlife? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

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    Instant Clarity

    Instant Clarity

    The Secret…Knowing Your Core Values 

    Wow. Maybe it’s me, but every year it seems no sooner have we put the cap on the sunblock, we’re closing the door on the last trick or treater… 

    And before we know it, our attention turns to Thanksgiving, holidays and the endless whirlwind of present buying, baking and entertaining. *Phew.

    Yup. In this crazy run up to the holidays, it can be SO easy to fall prey to the needs of other people—and neglect all those areas that have the biggest impact in your life. 

    Meaning? 

    By the time your in-laws are round, and drinks are flowing, you can feel as burned out as that bird in the oven!

    So, the question is—how can we stay sane, productive, and successful, even when our attention is pulled in a million-and-one directions? 

    The secret lies in setting our values.  

    Now, a Values Assessment is something I use with ALL my clients—and something I encourage them to come back to, at least annually. 

    And the run up to the new coming year is the perfect time for this, because it forces us to turn our attention to ourselves, and lays the groundwork for January’s inevitable desire to set goals and start afresh. 

    Why should I define my core values? What makes this so important?

    Core values are the principles we choose to live by—those highly personal points of reference that emotionally affect and inspire us to take action. Here are the 3 main reasons to define your core values: 

    1. Shifting Priorities

    Here’s the deal. When you do get super clear on what’s MOST important to you, you’ll develop an actionable, meaningful ‘to-do’ list that aligns with your core values.

    And this is particularly important in midlife. Because so much of our lives have shifted, and altered—it’s easy to realize, what once was important is really immaterial (or at least, might need some tweaking!)

    For example, if you asked me five years ago what my core values were, I would’ve said ‘accomplishment’ and ‘productivity.’ But not any more… 

    Truth be told, I’ve replaced accomplishments with growth. Because for me, life isn’t so much about achieving anymore, it’s about growing into a better version of myself.

    Let’s look at some other examples…  

    For you, knowledge might be extremely important. So setting aside time to study, for private reading, and being involved in programs will become part of your weekly schedule.

    If health and wellbeing is your priority, it makes sense that you’ll eat right, exercise well, and get the sleep you need to thrive with optimum energy and vitality. 

    In short, all these things allow us to help organize and prioritize our time—but first we must discover which values are right for us.

    2. Making Decisions

    So often in life we find ourselves torn when making decisions. We agonize over the ‘right’ course of action to take, big or small. And when you throw stress and overwhelm into the mix, finding a resolution can become convoluted, and unnecessarily painful.

    Because the truth is, us women? We can do a number on ourselves! We can allow self-doubt to creep in, and don’t trust ourselves enough… 

    But we do know our values. 

    And when we line up our decisions with what we want to do, and how we want to show up—well, that’s when we discover what’s truly important. 

    I once had a client who lived a very corporate lifestyle. To keep herself aligned, she laminated her core values, and kept them with her at all times. And when she’d go to meetings, or have difficult client calls, she’d check in with them. 

    Why? It helped her clarify how she wanted to show up, and the right way for her to move forward.  

    3. Kickstarting Your Why

    Now, I could’ve said ‘motivation’ here… But I’ve said it before, motivation is something we cultivate, not something that just happens. 

    And if you wait for it, you’ll be waiting forever! 

    If we’re honest, I think a lot of us are confused. We’re living by other people’s standards, or agendas—and we never really take stock in what’s most important to us. 

    But when you articulate your why, now that will REALLY light a fire under your goals and objectives…

    How Do I Complete The Values Assessment

    Creating a list of values is personal work, and it’s work just for you.

    The first thing to know is, this isn’t a quick exercise. (And my list of values has gotten longer over the years, as clients have added to it!)

    But, as you’ll see it is an important, life changing one. 

    First, download and print out your Values Assessment here. 

    Then, find a quiet space to work uninterrupted, and take time for the following:

    1. Take a pencil and cross off everything that doesn’t resonate with you.
    2. Circle the values that do resonate. 
    3. Take these words and create up to five subgroups. Work intuitively.
    4. You will find within each group there are words that nail it for you, that encompass that subgroup. These are your core values. 

    So, How Do I Apply This To My Life?

    The true benefit in the Values Assessment comes from applying it to your life, and this can be challenging. Many women come to me and just cannot see a correlation between their goals and their values… 

    So that’s why, if you show me that you’ve completed the assessment, I’ll offer a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results—where I tie each value down to your goals, and what you REALLY want from this next phase of life. 

    Ready? I can’t wait to see what it uncovers for you!

    Rooting for you,

    XO 

    Holly  

    P.S. Missed the link above? No sweat: download your free Values Assessment here

    And remember, once you’ve completed it, please contact me for a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results.

     

     

    Right vs. Best Decision

    Right vs. Best Decision

    Making Conscious Choices

    November 2016 Insights

    How many times can you recall being torn making a decision? Whether it be as big of a decision regarding concerns over our health or close love one or maybe as small as what birthday gift I should get my best friend? Making “good” decisions is so often confused for making the “right” decision. When we look for the “one” right decision, we can be looking forever! Knowing that there are multiple decisions that can be made within any given situation, each having advantages and disadvantages, can allow us to make the “best” decision for ourselves based on what we know and value within that moment in time. And even more importantly recognizing that the “best” decision we can make, can change, modify, or be learned from if need be moving forward. (more…)

    Core Values

    Core Values

    Core Values…gotta get some today!

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    Promise to Pay It Forward

    Promise to Pay It Forward

     

    Giving Thanks

     November 2014 Insights

    The other day someone asked me, “what’s one of the best decisions you’ve ever made?” Without hesitation, I said becoming a women’s leadership coach. Now of course I’ve made some other instrumental decisions in my life, like marrying one of the greatest people I know and then of course creating a family with him. There was also the decision of welcoming a 75lb dog into our lives and I have to admit purchasing a Keurig coffee machine rates rather high on good decisions made. However, the question in and of itself- “What’s One of the Best Decision I’ve Ever Made”- really got me thinking and why was leadership coaching the first thing I blurted out? (more…)