How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

by | Nov 9, 2023 | Blog

A Seven Step Prescription For an Experimental Mindset in Midlife

Now, if you’re reading this I’m assuming you’re the kind of woman who’s regularly looking for new ways to up her game—and feel fitter, happier, and more contented in your life? 

But, in your never ending search for more, do you ever feel like there’s just too much out there? 

And I mean ‘too much’ in the way of…  

What you should be doing? 

How you should be exercising? 

What you should be eating? (Not to mention all the scary conditions just waiting round the corner, that make you feel like staying under the covers.)

Well, how the heck should we know what’s right for us, and take a balanced approach to staying healthy and well —

Or even get into our good place (the magic) ✨ with everything that’s going on?

Well, THAT was the exact question I was asked on a podcast recently, and it’s something I’ve been mulling over ever since. 

Because although I do my damndest to pull back the curtain on midlife, and help women uncover the right path for them, even I feel bombarded by all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ out there…

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the key to tell what’s right for you, and uncover your truest sense of self, is to embrace an experimental mindset. 

Now before you stop and say, ‘Holly, I just don’t jive to that! I want absolutes, not more things to try out!’ 

 … Just hear me out for a second. 

Because the truth is you’re going to have to embrace this if you want to figure out what really lights you up in life.

So that’s why I came up with my 7-Part Prescription for an Experimental Mindset.

(And yes, I called it ‘prescription,’ because if you’re feeling resistant—it’ll make it easier to swallow. Plus it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. So here’s what that looks like:

1. Investigate

Start by thinking about those people who are in alignment with your value base*, your personality and what lights you up. Follow them on social media, read their books, listen to their podcasts, watch their films. 

Then…

2. Choose

In other words, based on your intuition and what feels right for you—pick an idea or strategy to try on for size.

Now, the beautiful truth here is we’re so much wiser now! And SO DONE with anything that no longer serves us. And yes, it’s time to get ruthless. Delete the feed from the 20 year old doing lunges, or the influencer in hotpants that makes you feel inadequate. 

And instead replace them with inspirational women. Women who embody who you are, and where you want to go. Trust me, it’ll serve you in the long run… 

3. Experiment

This is all about establishing your strategy. Not sure what that is? Take advice from friends, your doctor, people you respect—in other words, people who you know have your best intentions at heart. 

(And if you’ve been thinking about trying that plant-based diet, or taking up pickleball? Now’s the time to do it…)

4. Listen to Subjective Feedback

The crucial thing to remember here is any new start will (probably) feel sticky at first. In fact, that’s totally understandable. Ask yourself—is it a natural fit for you? Or does it rub up against who you are, and how you approach things?

Subjective feedback means listening to your gut, and using your intuition. (Remember you’re so much wiser now!) 

5. Get Objective Feedback

This is exactly as it sounds—ask others for tangible results. 

So what does that look like? Well, if you were a client, this is where understanding my 7 energy levels are a HUGE advantage, and I’d ask you where you’re resonating at right now. 

But if you’re not, ask someone you trust. Are you more energized? Do you seem happier, or more contented? 

Finally, take a step back and objectively ask yourself how you’re doing. (This may sound counterintuitive, but don’t forget: there’s real truth in your own objective wisdom.) 

6. Evaluate

Are you getting the results you desire? Are you excited, committed, eager to continue? (And have you given it enough time?!) 

Which leads me to…

7. Re-evaluate

Now this step is crucial! I can’t say it enough…

Why? Because so often we don’t give something a chance to work! We disregard fasting because it’s too damn hard, we turn up the heat on our cold shower, we pack in the yoga because we’ll never be able to bend like we could in our teens… 

Well, maybe not. But y’know what? Who cares! And if you’ve learned anything by now in life you know none of this is going to be a homerun. You’re not going to knock it out of the park first time…  

But the important thing is you trust the process, and you’ve reached the best conclusion for you, by assessing and evaluating. 

And know this: You’re already a success in showing up for yourself. You became one the moment you chose to stand up and age powerfully.

Rooting for you, 

XO

Holly

P.S. I know this isn’t easy! Whatever age you are, starting something new can make you feel nervous, scared, and afraid you’ll fail. But as I like to say: ‘if not now when?!’ 

… And there’s no failure in trying something new. 

Now, if you want to learn more about embracing an experimental mindset in midlife, there are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Listen to the podcast episode, that kickstarted all this. Yup, this entire prescription came out of one simple question that Maryann LoRusso asked me on the More Beautiful podcast. (It’s amazing what happens when someone inspires you, right?)
  1. *Take my Values Assessment. If you’re new to this journey, and not sure what your true, core values are anymore (yes, they are changing up big time now in midlife) my Values Assessment will help you figure that out. 

 

 

 

 

Instant Clarity

Instant Clarity

by | Nov 2, 2022 | Blog

The Secret…Knowing Your Core Values 

Wow. Maybe it’s me, but every year it seems no sooner have we put the cap on the sunblock, we’re closing the door on the last trick or treater… 

And before we know it, our attention turns to Thanksgiving, holidays and the endless whirlwind of present buying, baking and entertaining. *Phew.

Yup. In this crazy run up to the holidays, it can be SO easy to fall prey to the needs of other people—and neglect all those areas that have the biggest impact in your life. 

Meaning? 

By the time your in-laws are round, and drinks are flowing, you can feel as burned out as that bird in the oven!

So, the question is—how can we stay sane, productive, and successful, even when our attention is pulled in a million-and-one directions? 

The secret lies in setting our values.  

Now, a Values Assessment is something I use with ALL my clients—and something I encourage them to come back to, at least annually. 

And the run up to the new coming year is the perfect time for this, because it forces us to turn our attention to ourselves, and lays the groundwork for January’s inevitable desire to set goals and start afresh. 

Why should I define my core values? What makes this so important?

Core values are the principles we choose to live by—those highly personal points of reference that emotionally affect and inspire us to take action. Here are the 3 main reasons to define your core values: 

1. Shifting Priorities

Here’s the deal. When you do get super clear on what’s MOST important to you, you’ll develop an actionable, meaningful ‘to-do’ list that aligns with your core values.

And this is particularly important in midlife. Because so much of our lives have shifted, and altered—it’s easy to realize, what once was important is really immaterial (or at least, might need some tweaking!)

For example, if you asked me five years ago what my core values were, I would’ve said ‘accomplishment’ and ‘productivity.’ But not any more… 

Truth be told, I’ve replaced accomplishments with growth. Because for me, life isn’t so much about achieving anymore, it’s about growing into a better version of myself.

Let’s look at some other examples…  

For you, knowledge might be extremely important. So setting aside time to study, for private reading, and being involved in programs will become part of your weekly schedule.

If health and wellbeing is your priority, it makes sense that you’ll eat right, exercise well, and get the sleep you need to thrive with optimum energy and vitality. 

In short, all these things allow us to help organize and prioritize our time—but first we must discover which values are right for us.

2. Making Decisions

So often in life we find ourselves torn when making decisions. We agonize over the ‘right’ course of action to take, big or small. And when you throw stress and overwhelm into the mix, finding a resolution can become convoluted, and unnecessarily painful.

Because the truth is, us women? We can do a number on ourselves! We can allow self-doubt to creep in, and don’t trust ourselves enough… 

But we do know our values. 

And when we line up our decisions with what we want to do, and how we want to show up—well, that’s when we discover what’s truly important. 

I once had a client who lived a very corporate lifestyle. To keep herself aligned, she laminated her core values, and kept them with her at all times. And when she’d go to meetings, or have difficult client calls, she’d check in with them. 

Why? It helped her clarify how she wanted to show up, and the right way for her to move forward.  

3. Kickstarting Your Why

Now, I could’ve said ‘motivation’ here… But I’ve said it before, motivation is something we cultivate, not something that just happens. 

And if you wait for it, you’ll be waiting forever! 

If we’re honest, I think a lot of us are confused. We’re living by other people’s standards, or agendas—and we never really take stock in what’s most important to us. 

But when you articulate your why, now that will REALLY light a fire under your goals and objectives…

How Do I Complete The Values Assessment? 

Creating a list of values is personal work, and it’s work just for you.

The first thing to know is, this isn’t a quick exercise. (And my list of values has gotten longer over the years, as clients have added to it!)

But, as you’ll see it is an important, life changing one. 

First, download and print out your Values Assessment here. 

Then, find a quiet space to work uninterrupted, and take time for the following:

  1. Take a pencil and cross off everything that doesn’t resonate with you.
  2. Circle the values that do resonate. 
  3. Take these words and create up to five subgroups. Work intuitively.
  4. You will find within each group there are words that nail it for you, that encompass that subgroup. These are your core values. 

So, How Do I Apply This To My Life?

The true benefit in the Values Assessment comes from applying it to your life, and this can be challenging. Many women come to me and just cannot see a correlation between their goals and their values… 

So that’s why, if you show me that you’ve completed the assessment, I’ll offer a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results—where I tie each value down to your goals, and what you REALLY want from this next phase of life. 

Ready? I can’t wait to see what it uncovers for you!

Rooting for you,

XO 

Holly  

P.S. Missed the link above? No sweat: download your free Values Assessment here. 

And remember, once you’ve completed it, please contact me for a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results.

 

 

Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

by | Jun 1, 2020 | Blog

How Do You Want To Show Up From This Point On In?

Going back about 11 weeks ago our whole lives were turned upside down. It was on March 22nd when stay-at-home orders went into affect for most of us. No matter who you are, the reality is we all experienced some form of trauma from this massive upheaval in our lives. Even those who were lucky enough not to experience a direct hit like contracting Corona Virus or knowing someone who suffered terribly from it or possibly even lost their lives, still have experienced severe challenges, dividing our lives from what was and now is.

This is the definition of trauma, as it divides life before and after an event, challenging an individuals past ways of understanding the world and their place in it, compromising a feeling of safety. Clearly, I think it’s fair to say there’s not a person in this whole country possibly even world who’s belief system hasn’t been shook to the core in some shape or form.The Corona Virus Pandemic has impacted every aspect of our lives. 

Whether you are someone whose ready and eager to move on or feel more like you’ve been hit by a truck and on shaky ground, I do know no matter whatever shape you are in now, everyone can take this crazy time in our lives and still become a better version of themselves. During this “pause”  we’ve had the chance to see our strengths as well as our weaknesses. For most, we’ll likely never have an occasion like this in our lives where we can literally wipe the slate clean, take the time to heal old and recent wounds, and reconsider what is truly important to us. 

So I want to take this month’s newsletter to encourage everyone NOT to return to their baselines and take this once in a lifetime opportunity to go beyond the status quo and consider new and improved possibilities in their lives. To help everyone get started with this, I want to return back to two most influential, eye-opening exercises I share with clients helping them to gain awareness and understanding to make decisions for themselves that support how they best want to show up.

The first is called the WHEEL OF LIFE. It is one of the most well utilized coaching tools out there providing insight as to where we are at currently in our lives as we cannot move forward accurately if we aren’t aware of what truly requires our attention in our development presently. And since so much has change in our lives most recently, there’s no time like the present to take the time to reassess. The second exercise, DEFINING OUR CORE VALUES, packs a powerful punch and admittedly can take some time to do but well worth the effort. Since life is forever shifting and changing and most of us have never really taken the time to explore what matters most to us, we often unknowingly absorb others agendas and standards, living our lives misaligned with what makes most sense for us to succeed and feel fulfilled.

Both exercises can easily be downloaded on my website under the link VALUABLE DOWNLOADS. You’ll find easy to follow directions but by all means don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or challenges as well as successes, I would love to hear from you!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Right vs. Best Decision

Right vs. Best Decision

by | Nov 1, 2016 | Blog

Making Conscious Choices

November 2016 Insights

How many times can you recall being torn making a decision? Whether it be as big of a decision regarding concerns over our health or close love one or maybe as small as what birthday gift I should get my best friend? Making “good” decisions is so often confused for making the “right” decision. When we look for the “one” right decision, we can be looking forever! Knowing that there are multiple decisions that can be made within any given situation, each having advantages and disadvantages, can allow us to make the “best” decision for ourselves based on what we know and value within that moment in time. And even more importantly recognizing that the “best” decision we can make, can change, modify, or be learned from if need be moving forward. (more…)

Core Values

Core Values

by | Nov 10, 2015 | Blog

Core Values…gotta get some today!

 November 2015 Insights

Hard to believe the end of the year is near and the advent of the holiday season is upon us. Perfect time to return back to the practice of aligning with our core values and revisit the Values Clarification exercise, an instrumental and worthy coaching tool that further expands on last month’s Keys To Success Insights; the importance of knowing what in life really matters the most to us. Whether it be due to your busy and hectic lifestyles or falling prey to living by other peoples priorities, it is not uncommon to lose sight of how to put your best effort into those areas that will have the greatest impact in YOUR life. (more…)