Struggling with change?

Struggling with change?

From Menopause To Bereavement, The 4-Step Process To Manage Change In Midlife 

‘The only constant in life is change.’

So said Heraclitus. (Smart man, who summed up in one sentence the dichotomy of being a woman in midlife.)

I joke of course… But the truth is, midlife is a HUGE time of change for women. Not only, with menopause, when our bodies are going through the biggest physical change since puberty, but we’re likely to be faced with a barrage of change in our everyday lives—be it children flying the nest, aging parents, changing careers, retiring or downsizing our homes. 

But while some people absolutely love change and thrive on everything it means for their lives, some can barely cope and survive it…

And others still will do everything possible to avoid it. 

Most of us recognize that change is inevitable, but what happens when we’re so resistant to it, we fail to see it as a positive?

Because living in the past, or being unwilling to progress can have a serious impact on our professional and personal lives.

Well, during my iPEC training to become certified as a professional life coach, I learned an incredible technique that forms the foundation of all my coaching with clients—and now I’m sharing it with you too. And it’s known as The Cycle of Change. 

What Does The Cycle of Change Mean For You?

This technique can help you normalize change, ride its waves and help you see change as an essential part of life.

Because here’s the thing…

When you hit your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, in any facet of your life, be it relationships or health—you’re probably tackling the cycle of change.

Plus—just like dealing with any hand life throws at you—this strategy relates the changes we experience to a game of cards.

So, here’s how it works: 

Phase 1: Shuffle

Change by its very nature is often unexpected. Or, our reaction to change can take us by surprise. (The unexpected death or illness of a loved one for example. Even children leaving for college—no matter how prepared you might be, that feeling of an empty home can cut you to the quick.)

Well, the ‘Shuffle’ is a period of detachment from what was not working or what has been completed. It’s a phase to ‘time-out,’ emotionally heal and reflect, or search for new directions. 

Very often being in the Shuffle is associated with a fear of the unknown—but networking, exploring and taking action can help you to see a way through.  

So, here I would encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself: what aspects of your life are in the Shuffle? Which call for a new beginning? 

Phase 2: Deal

The Deal uses all the exploration and reflection you completed in the Shuffle, and helps you to take optimistic action—and move you onto the next step. 

If you’re in this phase you may feel excitement and anticipation. You’ll look for clarity and support. Your energy is high, despite any fear of failure you may feel. 

Perhaps, for example, your career is moving in a new direction? You’re pitching to podcasts, and building your audience. You have your head above water and you’re in full-flow mode. 

Phase 3: Play The Game

Now, you’re implementing your plan. You get on that podcast, start that new hobby, or buy that new house. 

In short? You’re all in. 

But, while this stage is associated with success, it can also be the setting for disappointments, setbacks, and new challenges. 

You may think: “What do I do next?” or “How can I find the time to do all of this?” And depending on the outcome, you might fear failure, or have a deep sense of peace and purpose…

But… that’s life! You’re taking action, and learning from mistakes. You’re learning to embrace change, and all that goes with it.

Phase 4: Toss In 

In this world, all things come to an end. Sometimes things end with a ‘failure’ and other times with a ‘success.’ Either way, people are rarely ready for the cycle to end, whether it’s the end of a job, a relationship, or any aspect of a goal or project.

If you’re in this part of the cycle, you’re usually unhappy and unsure of the future. You might turn inward, keep to yourself, and think, why me? 

‘I can’t just deal with this right now.’

Now, if you find yourself in this phase, it’s important to try to move yourself forward, get ready for the next hand, and shuffle those cards to start over.

Questions To Help You Complete the Cycle of Change 

If you find it difficult to pinpoint where in your life you might be experiencing the most change, or identifying where on the Cycle you fall, these questions have been designed to help you:

  • What are the most important insights for you from the Cycle of Change?
  • How might you integrate this into a problem, challenge, or conflict you (or someone in your life) is experiencing in your work or personal life right now? 
  • Read back through the phases, and identify where you fall. Name it. 

(Important to remember: you may be on different phases of the Cycle of Change in different aspects of your life. For example, your relationships may be thriving, but you’re suffering with physical changes due to menopause, or a recent health diagnosis.)

  • Now, ask yourself: what do you need to do in order to move forward? 

(Note: for the last phase ‘Toss In,’ an entire project or relationship doesn’t have to be over, only an aspect of it.)

Finally, consider the individuals or loved ones you wish to lead, inspire, or motivate in your life. How can the Cycle of Change assist you with any challenges or conflicts you might have with these people—and how can you shift your collective energy to help them?

Yes, it may be true that ‘the only constant in life is change—but with the help of these 4 phases, change does not need to be something to fear… 

Instead, it can be something to be embraced.

Rooting for you,



P.S. If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my 10 Question Toolkit. Whatever change you’re going through, it can help you ignite a midlife reboot, and learn how to master the mayhem.















    Making Big Strides With Small Steps

    Making Big Strides With Small Steps

    Change is a Process…Not an Event

    The advent of the new year has come and gone and understandably for many, the allure of creating positive change within our lives begins to wane. Suddenly, the drive to seek more success and fulfillment in our careers, relationships, health, and well-being begins to diminish. Of course, we still want more for ourselves, personally and professionally, it’s just that the effort is hard to sustain, life gets in the way, and results don’t typically occur quick enough, all of which detracts from the once renewed sense of energy we had back in January.  But hears the good news, that is ok because change is a process and not an event. Having the things we want in and for our lives will not happen overnight, research proves it is within the small, subtle (not sizable or drastic) tweaks we make gradually that will add up to the big changes we seek. So don’t give up on those new year resolutions yet, slow and steady actually does win the race. Read on and learn how to make big strides with 4 small steps.

    Four Small Steps That Have a Big Impact

     1.   Build On Existing Habits- Add a new beneficial behavior to an existing habit. For example, change your daily walk with your dog to a jog. Use the time carpooling your kids as an opportunity to connect. Add a fruit or vegetable with every meal and snack. Combine your daily mid-afternoon coffee break with calls or brief meet-ups with your team. The point being is to ease the creation of a desired new behavior by coupling it with an existing relatable habit.

    2. Create Most Optimal Surroundings– Create a greater likelihood of success with supportive surroundings. So for example, if you want to eat healthier, stock your shelves with nutritious foods, not cookies or chips. Set out your gym clothes the night before so you’re ready to go for your workout tomorrow, put your cell phone in the draw while having dinner with your family or finishing up an important work-related project. In other words, set up your environment to promote what you want. 

    3. Anticipate Obstacles– Whether it’s a sudden circumstance that interferes with our well-intended plans to align with our goals (i.e illness, technology challenges, weather conditions, etc.) or the reality that we are only human and naturally our conviction will be tested. Anticipate obstacles and prepare for them with if-then strategies. So for example, if the going gets tough with work aspirations then connect with a mentor or other colleagues that can be of support or inspiration and create accountability. If you know you have a series of commitments that will challenge healthy eating or regular workouts then eat a nutritious, filling snack before heading out or travel with a jump rope should you be out of town or stuck indoors due to inclement weather. Know life can get in the way and plan accordingly.

    4. Act. Learn. Build. Repeat.- The key to success is seeing change as a curious experiment and then taking a bunch of small actions steps to point yourself in the direction you want to go. Follow this formula and results are inevitable. 

    Do not underestimate the power of taking small steps, not only does its cumulative effects provide tangible markers of success but the cost of failure is comparatively low.  So there’s less on the line to lose allowing us to feel more confident and at ease with implementing change into our lives. Sounds like a win-win to me!

    Wishing You Always The Best Of Success


    Empowering Your Relationships

    Empowering Your Relationships

    The Third Entity

    February 2018 Insights

    In honor of Valentines Day, I’d like to take February’s newsletter to reflect upon enhancing our relationships. Agreeably, Valentines Day has now become a holiday that tends to be more of an excuse to generate maximum profit of flowers/candy/jewelry while often spotlighting for many of us what’s not working so well in some of our relationships. However, with all that being said, none of us live in a bubble, relationships are all around us. Think about your life at home and at work. In virtually every moment of our lives, we are in relationship with significant others, co-workers, friends, family and moreover ourselves. Our lives are a web of connecting relationships. Nurturing and growing positive relationships while effectively managing draining, negative relationships are undeniably a vital aspect that needs to be addressed to ensure greater well-being and success in all areas of our lives. (more…)

    FEAR…the monster under our beds

    FEAR…the monster under our beds

    Live LifeMore Fearlessly

    April 2017 Insights

    Fear is something with which most of us are well-acquainted with. People are afraid of dying, of being injured, and of being alone since we were created. Though most people would argue that external events and people are what cause us to feel fearful it is actually our thoughts about our external experiences that create our fears. The worries (thoughts) that keep us awake at night, hold us back from opportunities each day. Of course, there are situations that rightfully cause us fear (for example, it is perfectly reasonable to be afraid if you are facing someone with a gun pointed at you) but most of the things that we fear are not life threatening. (more…)

    New Beginnings

    New Beginnings

    Thoughts On Creating New Beginnings

     April 2015 Insights

    Spring has sprung! It’s a great time to embrace new beginnings. All around us we witness an awakening of our surroundings, bringing us the perfect climate, literally and figuratively, to create fresh starts and renew our existences. For me spring time screams the inevitability that nothing stays the same. Even though we often feel as if the winter will never end, we suddenly see a budding flower or experience our first warm weather day, reminding us that life is truly cyclical and that all experiences, positive or negative, come to pass. However, unlike the natural ease of the changing seasons, most people don’t strive for new beginnings nor exercise their power to create them. (more…)