Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

by | May 3, 2023 | Blog

Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

… Is something my clients and I often joke about. 

Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

  • Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
  • Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
  • Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’) 

Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

Well, for me, this only tells half the story… 

Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…? 

What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?) 

What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’ 

(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

Part 1: Acceptance

And all this means is: accepting where you’re at. 

Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.) 

No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.  

Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to. 

(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway: 

An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome. 

Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened… 

Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion. 

Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me? 

But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age… 

So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had. 

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly 

P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Instant Clarity

    Instant Clarity

    by | Nov 2, 2022 | Blog

    The Secret…Knowing Your Core Values 

    Wow. Maybe it’s me, but every year it seems no sooner have we put the cap on the sunblock, we’re closing the door on the last trick or treater… 

    And before we know it, our attention turns to Thanksgiving, holidays and the endless whirlwind of present buying, baking and entertaining. *Phew.

    Yup. In this crazy run up to the holidays, it can be SO easy to fall prey to the needs of other people—and neglect all those areas that have the biggest impact in your life. 

    Meaning? 

    By the time your in-laws are round, and drinks are flowing, you can feel as burned out as that bird in the oven!

    So, the question is—how can we stay sane, productive, and successful, even when our attention is pulled in a million-and-one directions? 

    The secret lies in setting our values.  

    Now, a Values Assessment is something I use with ALL my clients—and something I encourage them to come back to, at least annually. 

    And the run up to the new coming year is the perfect time for this, because it forces us to turn our attention to ourselves, and lays the groundwork for January’s inevitable desire to set goals and start afresh. 

    Why should I define my core values? What makes this so important?

    Core values are the principles we choose to live by—those highly personal points of reference that emotionally affect and inspire us to take action. Here are the 3 main reasons to define your core values: 

    1. Shifting Priorities

    Here’s the deal. When you do get super clear on what’s MOST important to you, you’ll develop an actionable, meaningful ‘to-do’ list that aligns with your core values.

    And this is particularly important in midlife. Because so much of our lives have shifted, and altered—it’s easy to realize, what once was important is really immaterial (or at least, might need some tweaking!)

    For example, if you asked me five years ago what my core values were, I would’ve said ‘accomplishment’ and ‘productivity.’ But not any more… 

    Truth be told, I’ve replaced accomplishments with growth. Because for me, life isn’t so much about achieving anymore, it’s about growing into a better version of myself.

    Let’s look at some other examples…  

    For you, knowledge might be extremely important. So setting aside time to study, for private reading, and being involved in programs will become part of your weekly schedule.

    If health and wellbeing is your priority, it makes sense that you’ll eat right, exercise well, and get the sleep you need to thrive with optimum energy and vitality. 

    In short, all these things allow us to help organize and prioritize our time—but first we must discover which values are right for us.

    2. Making Decisions

    So often in life we find ourselves torn when making decisions. We agonize over the ‘right’ course of action to take, big or small. And when you throw stress and overwhelm into the mix, finding a resolution can become convoluted, and unnecessarily painful.

    Because the truth is, us women? We can do a number on ourselves! We can allow self-doubt to creep in, and don’t trust ourselves enough… 

    But we do know our values. 

    And when we line up our decisions with what we want to do, and how we want to show up—well, that’s when we discover what’s truly important. 

    I once had a client who lived a very corporate lifestyle. To keep herself aligned, she laminated her core values, and kept them with her at all times. And when she’d go to meetings, or have difficult client calls, she’d check in with them. 

    Why? It helped her clarify how she wanted to show up, and the right way for her to move forward.  

    3. Kickstarting Your Why

    Now, I could’ve said ‘motivation’ here… But I’ve said it before, motivation is something we cultivate, not something that just happens. 

    And if you wait for it, you’ll be waiting forever! 

    If we’re honest, I think a lot of us are confused. We’re living by other people’s standards, or agendas—and we never really take stock in what’s most important to us. 

    But when you articulate your why, now that will REALLY light a fire under your goals and objectives…

    How Do I Complete The Values Assessment? 

    Creating a list of values is personal work, and it’s work just for you.

    The first thing to know is, this isn’t a quick exercise. (And my list of values has gotten longer over the years, as clients have added to it!)

    But, as you’ll see it is an important, life changing one. 

    First, download and print out your Values Assessment here. 

    Then, find a quiet space to work uninterrupted, and take time for the following:

    1. Take a pencil and cross off everything that doesn’t resonate with you.
    2. Circle the values that do resonate. 
    3. Take these words and create up to five subgroups. Work intuitively.
    4. You will find within each group there are words that nail it for you, that encompass that subgroup. These are your core values. 

    So, How Do I Apply This To My Life?

    The true benefit in the Values Assessment comes from applying it to your life, and this can be challenging. Many women come to me and just cannot see a correlation between their goals and their values… 

    So that’s why, if you show me that you’ve completed the assessment, I’ll offer a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results—where I tie each value down to your goals, and what you REALLY want from this next phase of life. 

    Ready? I can’t wait to see what it uncovers for you!

    Rooting for you,

    XO 

    Holly  

    P.S. Missed the link above? No sweat: download your free Values Assessment here. 

    And remember, once you’ve completed it, please contact me for a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results.