Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)
Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.
… Is something my clients and I often joke about.
Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:
- Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
- Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
- Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)
When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).
Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’)
Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’
Well, for me, this only tells half the story…
Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…?
What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?)
What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!
Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’
(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)
To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:
Part 1: Acceptance
And all this means is: accepting where you’re at.
Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.)
No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…
This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.
Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)
Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…
BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…
Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to.
(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway:
An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome.
Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).
Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason
Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.
And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened…
Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion.
Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me?
But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.
And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.
So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’
Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age…
So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had.
Rooting for you,
XO
Holly
P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.