Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

by | May 3, 2023 | Blog

Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

… Is something my clients and I often joke about. 

Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

  • Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
  • Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
  • Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’) 

Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

Well, for me, this only tells half the story… 

Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…? 

What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?) 

What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’ 

(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

Part 1: Acceptance

And all this means is: accepting where you’re at. 

Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.) 

No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.  

Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to. 

(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway: 

An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome. 

Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened… 

Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion. 

Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me? 

But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age… 

So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had. 

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly 

P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

    Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

    by | Mar 7, 2023 | Blog

    Pulling Back The Curtain..

    Let me tell you a little story about Vicky…

    Vicky’s been my client for many, many years. And in that time (she wouldn’t mind my telling you) her perspective’s done a 180°. 

    For years Vicky dreaded retiring. Her husband wanted to head to Florida—and hands down she didn’t. Her son was in New York, her daughter getting married. Vicky thought she’d be isolated, lonely, and at this time of her life? Really wasn’t grooving to a retirement state of mind… 

    But she took the plunge…

    And couldn’t have been more wrong.

    Now, if I Zoom Vicky, I can see the happiness in her eyes. She has more friends than ever, she’s at the beach every week, her daughter moved down with her grandson—and Vicky’s life is complete. 

    But all it took was a little bravery, and embracing the unknown.

    And then there’s Randy, who I’ve coached for nearly 5 years….

    When we met, Randy was divorced—and sworn off men. Romance was never a topic of conversation. She was closed to any possibility of love, or being in a relationship again. 

    Randy thought she was happy alone. (At least until she met David at a friend’s cocktail party…) 

    Randy’s 67.

    Or there’s Maggie, who in a matter of years, went from owning her own company, and all the prestige that comes with that—to uncovering chaos behind the scenes, making her escape, and building a new life for herself outside the corporate world.  

    Now Maggie’s connected to her purpose and (despite her children leaving home) blazes a trail on the board of a local college. 

    But, why am I telling you all this?

    Well, let me be clear with you here: these women might be my clients, but I can’t take ALL the credit for this. 

    Despite how this might read, it’s not like I spread magic dust on people. (If only it was that easy!)

    All of these women have been through a process. It takes time, and it’s super exciting to watch (especially as I struggle right now, to juggle homelife with the needs of my mom).

    No, the truth is Vicky, Randy and Maggie all have one big thing in common: they’re radically reframing aging.

    They refuse to be cow-towed by the media, bombarding us with pictures of youth and unrealistic expectations of beauty. They ignore the constant calls for botox, nips and tucks—and the need to hold onto some warped notion that success and happiness is the privilege of the young. 

    Now, of course this doesn’t come without apprehension. Yes, all of these women felt scared and nervous about the future. But they’ve stepped out of their comfort zones, embraced the unknown, and frankly…

    They’re killing it. 

    And they’re not the only ones… 

    Because I’m noticing a trend. Not only have many celebrity women stopped trying to hide their age (think of the ‘Sarah Jessica Parker Goes Gray!’ headlines that went viral last year) but they’re speaking up about the truth of midlife: that it can be more powerful and fulfilling than ever before. 

    Just get a load of this:

    ‘I think women come into their 40s—certainly mid-40s—and think, Oh, this is the beginning of the decline…things start to change and fade in directions that I don’t want them to go in anymore…  

    ‘But I’ve decided, no. We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy… We grow into ourselves more. We have opportunities to speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us. And not care what we look like so much.’

    • Kate Winslet, 47, on BBC’s Woman’s Hour. 

    Or as Glennon Doyle, 46, so fantastically puts it: 

    ‘Oh holy yes! Aging is the best thing to ever happen to me. Aging is unbecoming all the women I thought I was supposed to be, and breathing for God’s sake. 

    ‘Aging is like being one of those Russian nesting dolls and peeling off costumes one at a time-till I’m left as that little solid doll. Just that one. Nothing too big or wobbly.

    ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.
    ‘Beloveds in your twenties and thirties: It GETS BETTER!!!!!’

    And… she’s right. 

    It’s time to say enough is enough of that ‘I’m too old,’ ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ mentality —

    It’s bullsh!t. 

    And probably one of midlife’s biggest, ugliest, craziest myths.

    And what’s more, believing myths around aging literally harms our health, and makes us more vulnerable to the fears we hold onto as we get older.

    But what can you do, day to day, to change your internal narrative around midlife. Well, you can start by remembering there are plenty of inspiring women who are choosing this path and then surround yourself with knowledge and support to age powerfully. 

    Know this: you’re not too old, and it’s never too late. 

    And, even if you can’t quite feel that ‘aging is the best thing to ever happen to you,’ taking a leaf out of Jamie Lee Curtis’s book is a not a bad place to start: 

    ‘My motto is, ‘If not now, when? And, if not me, who?’ And, that has unleashed me and freed me, and allowed me to do everything I’m doing with zero attachment.’

    • Jamie Lee Curtis, 64.

    Amen to that.

    XO 

    Holly

    P.S. On going gray, SJP said, ‘it became months and months of conversation about how brave I am for having gray hair… I was like, please please applaud someone else’s courage on something!

    ‘We spend so much time talking about the accumulation of time spent adding up in wrinkles, and it’s the weirdest thing that we don’t say it adds up to being better at your job, better as a friend, better as a daughter, better as a partner, better as a caregiver, better as a sister…’

    Yup, surround yourself with inspirational women—and the impact on your mindset, outlook and actions will be profound. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

       

       

       

       

       

       

      Instant Clarity

      Instant Clarity

      by | Nov 2, 2022 | Blog

      The Secret…Knowing Your Core Values 

      Wow. Maybe it’s me, but every year it seems no sooner have we put the cap on the sunblock, we’re closing the door on the last trick or treater… 

      And before we know it, our attention turns to Thanksgiving, holidays and the endless whirlwind of present buying, baking and entertaining. *Phew.

      Yup. In this crazy run up to the holidays, it can be SO easy to fall prey to the needs of other people—and neglect all those areas that have the biggest impact in your life. 

      Meaning? 

      By the time your in-laws are round, and drinks are flowing, you can feel as burned out as that bird in the oven!

      So, the question is—how can we stay sane, productive, and successful, even when our attention is pulled in a million-and-one directions? 

      The secret lies in setting our values.  

      Now, a Values Assessment is something I use with ALL my clients—and something I encourage them to come back to, at least annually. 

      And the run up to the new coming year is the perfect time for this, because it forces us to turn our attention to ourselves, and lays the groundwork for January’s inevitable desire to set goals and start afresh. 

      Why should I define my core values? What makes this so important?

      Core values are the principles we choose to live by—those highly personal points of reference that emotionally affect and inspire us to take action. Here are the 3 main reasons to define your core values: 

      1. Shifting Priorities

      Here’s the deal. When you do get super clear on what’s MOST important to you, you’ll develop an actionable, meaningful ‘to-do’ list that aligns with your core values.

      And this is particularly important in midlife. Because so much of our lives have shifted, and altered—it’s easy to realize, what once was important is really immaterial (or at least, might need some tweaking!)

      For example, if you asked me five years ago what my core values were, I would’ve said ‘accomplishment’ and ‘productivity.’ But not any more… 

      Truth be told, I’ve replaced accomplishments with growth. Because for me, life isn’t so much about achieving anymore, it’s about growing into a better version of myself.

      Let’s look at some other examples…  

      For you, knowledge might be extremely important. So setting aside time to study, for private reading, and being involved in programs will become part of your weekly schedule.

      If health and wellbeing is your priority, it makes sense that you’ll eat right, exercise well, and get the sleep you need to thrive with optimum energy and vitality. 

      In short, all these things allow us to help organize and prioritize our time—but first we must discover which values are right for us.

      2. Making Decisions

      So often in life we find ourselves torn when making decisions. We agonize over the ‘right’ course of action to take, big or small. And when you throw stress and overwhelm into the mix, finding a resolution can become convoluted, and unnecessarily painful.

      Because the truth is, us women? We can do a number on ourselves! We can allow self-doubt to creep in, and don’t trust ourselves enough… 

      But we do know our values. 

      And when we line up our decisions with what we want to do, and how we want to show up—well, that’s when we discover what’s truly important. 

      I once had a client who lived a very corporate lifestyle. To keep herself aligned, she laminated her core values, and kept them with her at all times. And when she’d go to meetings, or have difficult client calls, she’d check in with them. 

      Why? It helped her clarify how she wanted to show up, and the right way for her to move forward.  

      3. Kickstarting Your Why

      Now, I could’ve said ‘motivation’ here… But I’ve said it before, motivation is something we cultivate, not something that just happens. 

      And if you wait for it, you’ll be waiting forever! 

      If we’re honest, I think a lot of us are confused. We’re living by other people’s standards, or agendas—and we never really take stock in what’s most important to us. 

      But when you articulate your why, now that will REALLY light a fire under your goals and objectives…

      How Do I Complete The Values Assessment? 

      Creating a list of values is personal work, and it’s work just for you.

      The first thing to know is, this isn’t a quick exercise. (And my list of values has gotten longer over the years, as clients have added to it!)

      But, as you’ll see it is an important, life changing one. 

      First, download and print out your Values Assessment here. 

      Then, find a quiet space to work uninterrupted, and take time for the following:

      1. Take a pencil and cross off everything that doesn’t resonate with you.
      2. Circle the values that do resonate. 
      3. Take these words and create up to five subgroups. Work intuitively.
      4. You will find within each group there are words that nail it for you, that encompass that subgroup. These are your core values. 

      So, How Do I Apply This To My Life?

      The true benefit in the Values Assessment comes from applying it to your life, and this can be challenging. Many women come to me and just cannot see a correlation between their goals and their values… 

      So that’s why, if you show me that you’ve completed the assessment, I’ll offer a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results—where I tie each value down to your goals, and what you REALLY want from this next phase of life. 

      Ready? I can’t wait to see what it uncovers for you!

      Rooting for you,

      XO 

      Holly  

      P.S. Missed the link above? No sweat: download your free Values Assessment here. 

      And remember, once you’ve completed it, please contact me for a free complimentary 30 minute breakdown of your results.

       

       

      Midlife Game Changing Habits

      Midlife Game Changing Habits

      by | May 1, 2022 | Blog

      Top Five Strategies You Need To Know 

      ‘Holly, do you have any big strategies to navigate midlife? 

      ‘Y’know, the surefire, game-changing, non-negotiables that mean you’re always so on point?’

      Whoa. Now, there’s a question…

      And it’s probably the one I’m asked most — on the pickleball court, out to dinner with friends, by clients and colleagues…

      First — let’s get one thing straight, I am most definitely NOT ‘so on point…’ (!)

      Hey, I may be a Midlife Transition Coach, but I worry about my turkey neck as much as the next woman! I’m struggling to sleep through the night. Trying to figure out how to empty nest… gracefully.

      I too, question those goals I held for SO long, that sometimes feel flat and uninspiring… 

      Sure! We’re a boat load wiser. But if you find yourself wandering into the bedroom, forgetting why you’re there — and instead your thoughts turn to:

      >> Who the heck am I?

      >> What’s next?

      >> And how the hell do I begin to figure all this out?

      Then you need…

      The Top 5 Strategies To Thrive In Midlife Right Now 

      Yeah, that’s right: these are the non-negotiable, instrumental habits you need to adhere to IMMEDIATELY…

      No joke.

      Because ladies, I believe — no, I know — these habits are SO powerful, you’ll finally find your groove…  and forge your path towards a fuller, happier, more meaningful life. 

      (And hey, it’s what you’ve been asking for!)

      Because honestly? Let’s just not age gracefully. Let’s age powerfully…

      And dive right in!

      1. Keep Your Attitude in Check
        Even I find myself slipping into silly comments like: ’… well, I am an old lady.’ But, the more we indulge in that language, the more we give it mileage — the harder we’re making it for ourselves to switch gear and age optimally. 

      Energy attracts like energy.

      The truth is, we’re living longer fuller lives than ever before. There are inspiring women out there absolutely killing it in midlife, knocking it outta the park! So, instead of  indulging in negative language, flip the script to stories of strong, vibrant, engaging older women…

      And surround yourself with as much knowledge and education to live your life more powerfully.

      Check out this podcast: Radically Reframing Aging, and hear Maria Shriver discuss how we can all live our healthiest, most joyful lives as we grow older.

      1. Embrace The Now
        (Or, in short — if not now, when?)

      If there’s one thing the pandemic taught us, it’s not to hang around. I’ve worked with so many women who have had the rug pulled out from under them — diagnosed suddenly with breast cancer, diabetes, or their husbands get sick…

      You might remember last year my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s brutal. And I don’t know how long it’s gonna last…

      But I can’t live in a state of inertia thinking ‘once she has full time help’ or ‘once she’s in assisted living, well, then I can focus on xyz.’ I can’t wait, and I can’t put things off. I have to honor the fact it’s all consuming, accept it, yet still move forward.

      If we don’t start rockin’ and rolling now, then when will we?

      1. Treat Life As An Experiment
        It’s easy to get stuck in a rut — what we eat, how we exercise, even the makeup we use! (Am I right?) But our bodies have changed, our metabolism’s not so fired up, and chances are what worked in our 20s or 30s just ain’t gonna cut it. 

      It’s time to shake things up…

      You have GOT to have an experimental mindset.

      For example, I just don’t have the stamina that I used to. Honestly, the sh*t I could get done in a day… I’d whizz my daughter to dance class, get to the shops, see clients. Now? I just want to chill a little bit.

      So, I’ve switched up my day. I do deep work in the morning. And at 3, 4pm, I honor my need to rest. I’ll take the dogs for a walk, meditate, connect with a friend for coffee. And maybe then when I’ve done those things to nourish my soul — I’ll see an evening client.

      Try some new things on for size –experiment– not every action you take will be a home run but wisdom gained revealing what feels right, purposeful and fulfilling to you.

      1. Rewire Your Inner Dialogue
        Let’s cut to the chase here. You’ve already spent half your life beating yourself up, telling yourself you aren’t enough. Do you really wanna be 80 — and still judging yourself? 

      Or, looking back on your life wishing you’d been more present with your children, partner… but you were just too damn wrapped up and consumed by your own thoughts?

      Y’know, I’m just so done with it…

      Ladies, it’s time to let go of those old stories holding you back. Next time you hear that inner critic tell you you’re ‘less than’ say to yourself: ‘I’ve got this. I’m committed to my growth.’ Or ‘I’m discovering day-by-day what my goals and priorities are.’

      … And shut down that negative talk in its tracks.

      1. Cultivate Connection
        Most research will say, the number 1 predictor of happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Take this from an introvert! (Or rather a social introvert — I love people, but can handle them better in smaller groups…) 😉

      But, that being said…

      Here, we’re talking positive relationships. The ones that inspire, support, and challenge us. A diverse network — whether that’s seeing your best friend for lunch, or clicking with a virtual Mastermind group. Connecting with your sister, or a work colleague living overseas…

      These things keep us sharp, our wellbeing intact. They light us up.

      Because the truth is, the struggle is real. Midlife is tough. There’s no denying it. But I know with my whole being, that if you can adapt your habits and mindset to embrace these changes — you will reap the difference in your life…

      And glide into the next phase, with power, purpose and meaning. On your terms. 

      XO

      Holly

      P.S. Tell me, what are your top strategies for dealing with the chaos of midlife? Which older women truly inspire you? Comment below (or drop me an email) I’d absolutely love to know!