Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

by | Jan 5, 2024 | Blog

Perfect Read This Instead…

It’s January — and you know what that means… 

In line at the supermarket, you’re hit by all the articles on health and wellbeing. You’ll go back to the gym. Dust off that yoga mat (or Peloton). Write that book/see your best friend more/eat less carbs… 

You’ve got your resolutions. New year, new you, right? And you are on it. 

Sound familiar? 

Well, it might — in more ways than one. Because this is exactly how I started January’s blog post 2 years ago. 

So, why am I shamelessly repurposing old content — and drawing attention to it at that?! 

Well, for one simple reason… 

Every year, as the clock strikes midnight and the New Year rolls around, millions of us will resolve to reinvent ourselves. Because whether it be health, money, a new career, or just deciding to argue less (after a week of in-laws and hosting) one thing’s for certain…

This year will be better… 

And yet, by February, 80% of us will have broken (or forgotten) our New Year’s resolutions.

Well, being a women’s life empowerment coach (and a decade as a qualified psychotherapist before that) resolutions and goal setting are all too familiar to me. 

It’s why I can recognize the pressure you put on yourself not to fail every year… 

And I also know that — just like my opening paragraph — if you cast your mind back, chances are your goals this year, will be suspiciously similar to last year’s… 

So, why should we expect this one to be any different? 

Well, that’s why, I’m not about to give you even more strategies to set realistic resolutions — and stick to them. (And in fact, if that’s what you’re after, my YouTube lives back in December give you a 4-Part Recipe for Goal Setting Success.)

No, today is about knowing HOW to dismantle the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that put you in a never ending loop of setting resolutions each year — and feeling crushed when you’ve ‘failed’ by February.  

Now, dismantling these gremlins is in fact, a HUGE piece of my work with women, but rarely do we apply them to goal setting or New Year’s resolutions. 

Which is a mistake, because in reality making this one simple shift can have a profound impact… 

Or, as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently puts it:  

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” 

Now, I love this quote because she calls out something we’re all too familiar with… 

In other words, until we’re genuinely honest about where we’re at in our lives — or able to call out the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that are holding us back — how can we ever hope to put our goals into action? 

So, what does that look like in practice? 

Well, let’s take one of the most popular resolutions I see women make in January (after all the baked goodies, champagne and eggnog has settled). 

Yes, you guessed it: Losing weight. Getting fitter. 

Or (as I like to call it) feeling more vibrant.  

Now, your limiting beliefs around this might look something like, ‘I’ll never swim 30 lengths of the pool’ or ‘I’ll never feel as fit as I did in my 20’s.’ 

But here’s the deal: if from the outset you let that negative narrative chip away at you how can you ever possibly achieve that goal? 

The same works for any resolution you make — that new career, the house move, even worrying less about your children. The fact is none of these are remotely achievable, if you know, deep down you’ll talk yourself out of it.

But there is something you can do about it… 

How To Conduct a Visioning Exercise 

The truth is, negative self talk can quickly spiral. Seriously, how many times in your life have you become stuck, and rigidly hold onto things, or pooh-pooh away any choices you may have?

Well, that’s all it takes to break a resolution. 

That’s why when they’re spiralling, I ask my clients to write a list of the most outlandish things they can think of for this second half of life. Because, now more than ever, it’s important to remove a sense of reality from the situation. 

For example:

Want to swim 30 lengths? Why not do a triathlon!

Want to learn French? Move to Paris for 6 months! 

Want to travel more? Take up skydiving while you’re at it! 

Seriously, the trick is to go to town on this. Because so much of our stuckness comes from rigidly clinging onto narrow choices. But when we bust that open, a world of possibilities emerge…

And suddenly you’ll realize this year’s resolution to wear your bikini on that dream trip to the Maldives really isn’t that outlandish at all… 

You’ll STOP flatlining your possibilities or settling for mediocrity…

And what’s more, you’ll never again risk seeing yet another year come and go — or watching your resolutions go up in February smoke. 

XO

Holly

P.S. If this post struck a chord, and you’d like more exercises to strengthen your resolution and resolve — here are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Watch my YouTube lives with Lucie Q — and discover the 4-Part Recipe to map out your vision, set effective goals, uncover why they fail and dodge those midlife curveballs. 
  2. Download Your Free Values Assessment. This will help work out what your real, true values are, and kickstart your ‘Why’ — all super crucial to keep your resolutions on track.

     

     

     

     

    Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

    Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

    by | Jan 4, 2023 | Blog

    Why I’m giving resolutions the 🖕

    Here’s a Quick Q: What does January mean to you?

    • A fresh start? Intangible excitement and anticipation? The feeling that ‘this year everything will be different…’
    • Resolutions and goal setting? Dusting off that yoga mat. Scrolling through your phone contacts to see who you missed last year—convinced that this will be the time for a long lost dinner date… 
    • Or… short days and long dark evenings? (And the silent dread of that post-holiday credit card statement arriving in  the mailbox.)

    Perhaps, if you’re honest, it’s a mixture of all three… 

    But, right now, whether waiting in line at the supermarket or scrolling your phone, all you see are headlines screaming at you to—

    Crush 2023!

    Hit The New Year Running!

    Find Your Purpose! 

    New Year, New You, right?

    Erm, wrong.

    Now, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer on all this. Sure, it works for some of us (even though 80% of resolutions are forgotten by February). And reinventing ourselves positively towards the future can only be a good thing, right?

    Well, truth is I find this all a little nauseating. 

    Take ‘finding your purpose’ for example… Dig a little deeper, and chances are you’ll discover purpose in many aspects of your life. (Because truth is, in midlife? What your purpose is today, may not be tomorrow.)

    So, if we’re not talking about #Resolutions, #GoalSetting or #FindingYourWow what on Earth can we do to kickstart January? 

    Well, I believe it’s time for a non-traditional route…

    Yup. It’s time to talk pleasure and joy.

    And there are 3 big reasons why this is SO important for women in midlife: 

    1. Much has shifted and changed in our lives. It’s easy to lose sight of what really brings us pleasure and joy—when we were busy checking ALL the boxes we were told to… 

    2. In putting everyone else first, we rarely give ourselves time to honor what truly makes us happy. 

    3. We’ve forgotten how to get in touch with pleasure or joy. Yet in the doldrums of winter, feeling burnt out, an emphasis on both can help you climb over that hump—and into spring. 

    So, how can YOU unlock more pleasure and joy in your life? 

    Well, let me ask you 3 simple questions:

    • What fills you up?
    • What warms your heart?
    • What makes you laugh? 

    Now, my guess is, you’ve spent so long with your own needs on the backburner that it’s hard for you to extend yourself—and truly answer these questions. 

    It might be helpful to ask yourself, ‘when do I find myself smiling? What makes me laugh out loud?’ These simple cues can pinpoint what makes you tick, and what actually lights you up… 

    Now, take these cues and translate them into tangible things that actually bring you pleasure and joy.

    For example, hanging out with my dogs brings me tremendous joy. For you it might be watching the sunset, connecting with friends, curling up with a good book, sex…(!) 

    Fact: uncovering pleasure and joy leads to greater happiness in our lives. 

    Because here’s the deal:

    Life is challenging. But you don’t have to sit in the heaviness 24/7. 

    Finding joy gives you a chance for reprieve, to regroup, and fortify your stamina…

    And then, if you want to put it towards those goals? Be my guest 😉

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. It’s not unusual to feel disconnected, feeling it’s impossible to uncover what brings you pleasure and joy in life? No worries. Schedule a free discovery call—and I’ll help you discover what lights you up.

     

     

     

     

     

     

       

       

       

       

       

       

      New year, new you…right??

      New year, new you…right??

      by | Jan 1, 2022 | Blog

      The Secret To Making Resolutions That Actually Stick

      It’s January — and we’re back to our routines. In line at the supermarket, you’re hit by all the articles on health and wellbeing. You’ll go back to the gym. Dust off that yoga mat (or Peloton). Seal the deal with a big client/see your best friend more/eat less carbs… You’ve got your resolutions. New year, new you, right? And you are on it. 

      Sound familiar?

      How many times have you started the year — with the best intentions — only to peter out in February or March? Slowly lose interest. Feel exhaustion return, and go back to the same old habits.

      Truth is, you can have all the goals in the world. But if you don’t have the right foundation in place, it’s all for sh*t — or at least, you’re not going to be able to up-level your game. Dish out the work. Be available to your friends and family. Whatever the aspiration, if you don’t take care of yourself…

      Your goals are going to flatline.

      So, how can we make sure we’re not only on it now — but stay on it throughout the year?

      This month’s post is all about the one big secret you need to conquer to stay on top of those goals. The one thing — above even nutrition or movement — that if mastered, is a game-changer for giving back clarity, a sense of purpose and making sure we’re firing at optimal levels…

      (And it’s a problem I see more and more of you struggling with, desperate to find a solution…)

      The answer? Sleep.

      As human beings we have natural rhythms embedded in us. Back in the day, before the lightbulb was invented, we’d just sleep when it was dark. And now? We’re taught to go, go, GO! And as a result, our circadian rhythms are shot.

      You probably felt it over the holidays. And ladies, it’s hard to admit, but we’re faced with a double whammy — we no longer have our youth to pull us through those late nights. We can’t just pull on a pair of leg warmers, plug in a Walkman and bounce right back (what can I say, I love the 80’s).

      And no, it’s not just that your body’s changing — we groove to consistency. Maybe you wake up like clockwork each morning at 3am, needing the bathroom? You have a hot flash, and your mind starts whirling. We stare at the clock, getting back to sleep is so challenging!

      4 years ago I struggled with exactly this. I’d survive on 5 hours a night. (And probably shouldn’t have been driving in the afternoons…) But when 8 or 9 hours is considered the norm, the fact is probably 90% of us are deprived sleepwalkers…

      And so I know how important it is to share the habits I’ve used — to break destructive patterns, and help you live life to the fullest. So you can show up consistently and keep your goals alive month after month (and not just in January.)

      7 Steps You Can Take TODAY to Help You Recalibrate: 

      • Caffeine. This is a biggie. Listen, I love a cup of coffee (maybe even 2 or 3!) But pushing the envelope isn’t a good idea. You can indulge — but stop after 3pm, and give caffeine a chance to leave your system.
      • …And alcohol. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but though soothing in the moment, that glass of wine after a long day stops you from reaching the really deep, restorative sleep that truly rejuvenates. If you can go without, do.
      • Avoid blue light. (Oh yeah — just like the electric blue eyeshadow you wore in your teens, blue light after dark is not going to suit you anymore!) Unplug your phone, maybe leave it in another room if you can. My secret? Set an alarm and remind yourself to shut your phone down.
      • Stop that Nextflix binge 2-3 hours before hitting the sack. The stimulation makes winding down that much harder. So save the new reboot season of Sex and the City for early evening hours only…
      • Be honest, what time do you stop working? (That includes checking your phone, deliberating over a response.) When my children were younger I’d put them to bed, and get back on my game for 2-3 hours. This was a terrible idea! Giving yourself time to wind down should be your number one priority.
      • Take a power nap. It might not be the American way to take a break in the middle of the afternoon, but your body will thank you for it. Get out of the habit of needing to be on it, every minute of the day.
      • Keep your room temperature down low, no higher than 68°. And that means no exercising or big meals before bed that only stimulates and raises our body temperature (and nix the sweaters and socks under the covers).

      But what if you’re one of the many women who come to me tired and exhausted — unable to switch off your anxieties, thoughts and worries? The techniques above will certainly help, but you may require another layer — to truly quiet the mind and signal to your body, that it’s time to flip off the switch…

      Go-To Rituals to Quiet the Mind 

      First take five minutes. I gently potter about the kitchen and put away the dishes. Whatever routine might be personal to you, to signal that the day is done.

      Take a warm bath, dim the lights, light a candle. Heating your body up, to then cool it down, is a relaxant and sets you in the mood for sleep.

      Make your bedroom a sanctuary. It should be dark, calm and cool. Your bedroom should be for 2 things only — sleep… and sex! No TVs, phones, nothing else. That’s it.

      Establish a 3-5 minute ritual of breathing exercises. For me, it literally signifies flipping the switch… Because otherwise I know I’ll sit in bed and think about ideas for the day ahead, or that person I have to get back to. I’m running down the list, right? And that is not going to work.

      Instead breathing allows us to tap into our parasympathetic nervous system — accessing calm, rational thinking. And box breathing (tracing the outline of a box as you breathe) is a very simple place to start:

      1. Breathe in for 4, hit one corner
      2. Hold for 4 until you reach the next
      3. Exhale for 4 seconds hitting the next corner
      4. Hold for 4 before repeating

      And my final ritual for sleep? A nighttime gratitude practice. It’s a game changer — I talked about this back in November, but it bears repeating. Take a piece of paper and pen (no screens, remember!) and list everything you did throughout the day, from taking out the garbage to picking up dinner or conversations you’ve had. Now take that list, and flip it — look only through the lens of gratitude, and write each one down. Only seek the good. Because honestly? Gratitude is a superpower, it’ll squash any negativity you feel dead in its tracks.

      XO

      Holly

      P.S. So, what about you? Hit reply…I’d love to hear how you prepare for sleep — or which practice(s) I share resonates with you?

      P.P.S. Please know this is NOT about perfection,  just adding any one or two of these practices can make a big difference. You better believe there are some days I fail my caffeine curfew and nights a Netflix binge takes over. BUT those days are now far and few between. 

      Think Big With Starting Small

      Think Big With Starting Small

      by | Jan 1, 2021 | Blog

      The Power Of Taking Small Steps

      Ahh, 2021…we made it! No doubt we are all ready to put 2020 behind us. Though we are not out of the woods yet, we’ve come a long way and learned a lot. Understandably, for most of us our energy is low, this past year has put us through the ringer. But now more than ever it’s important to keep our eye on the bigger picture, knowing there is a light at the end of this tunnel with the administration of the coronavirus vaccine underway. Though you may be weary, the time has come to start considering new and improved possibilities in your life and start going after them. This is where the benefit of taking small steps towards bigger aspirations can have a significant impact, allowing us to slowly but steadily move forward while still holding space to adjust and recover from all of the fall out and massive upheaval 2020 brought us.

      Truth is, as a empowerment coach I’ve always been a big fan of breaking down larger goals into smaller more manageable action steps. Let’s face it, even in the best of circumstances, setting lofty goals can be overwhelming. Starting small helps us not only get started but allows us to adjust to the desired behaviors we are seeking so these new action steps become habitual in nature. More importantly, small steps help us avoid fatigue, something we all have to be very sensitive to as we already are working on low reserves as we continue to navigate these uncertain times. 

      It’s really all about setting ourselves up for a greater likelihood of success, so we can go the distance. Small steps create momentum and momentum is crucial if you want to make meaningful progress on “bigger” aspirations. Whether you’re wanting to advance your career, resolve health related issues, or want to improve your relationship with significant others, small, consistent steps add up towards these important goals. For example, instead of confronting your teenage daughter head-on to resolve issues, starting first with small acts toward connection builds trust so that when you do need to address issues, you’ll be much more likely to experience positive change. There’s no denying success breeds success. Once we start getting results, it’s more motivating and inspiring to keep going while also allow us to handle setbacks because we already have a foundation and tools in place to pick ourselves back up from any small detours we may incur. Moreover, focusing on small steps is a great way to ACT on procrastination. In other words, make tasks Attainable (with small steps), boost our Confidence, and agree upon a Timeline.

      Honor the value of regaining your strength this year while reclaiming your power to dream big with starting small. Don’t surrender to the lure of the winter pandemic doldrums. Ask yourself “what would you like to see happen in and for your life this new year? And more importantly “what small action can you take today to get you closer to experiencing that tomorrow?” Be intentional…it will all be worthwhile when we emerge into the spring mentally, physically, and emotionally on point, raring to go!

      Wishing You The Best Of Success 

      -Holly-

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

      2020…Setting The Stage!

      2020…Setting The Stage!

      by | Jan 1, 2020 | Blog

      The Power Of Visualization

      Alright everyone…here we are, HELLO 2020! So what’s it gonna be this year? Though I’m not a big fan of new year resolutions, I am a huge advocate for setting the stage and believe immensely in the power of positive visualization. In fact every morning, upon awakening I take the first 15 minutes of my day to envision the next 24 hours. Literally, going hour by hour, imagining and designing action steps that align with how I want to show up and experience the day. Naturally, some days are harder then others. But the second part of this two step visualization process-designing the action steps of the day-give me the clarity and direction I need to build in the greatest likelihood for success.  Of course, there are plenty of days when I’m feeling more overwhelmed or rather uninspired by what lies ahead. But make no mistake the power of suggestion goes a long way, it is now a well known fact that we stimulate the same brain regions when we visualize an action and when we actually perform that same action. Brain studies have shown that positive mental imagery “primes” our brains for success. 

      On a bigger level, every new year I take pen to paper and return to one of my most trusted practices I learned back in 2010 when I was first just a student at iPEC (Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching) pursuing my coaching certification. It is a visualization exercise in which I imagine it is one year from now (Dec 31, 2020) and what I aspire for is actually occurring. I then proceed to consider all aspects of my life; personal development, career, health/wellness, intimate/social/professional relationships, parenting, fun/enjoyment, even spiritual wellbeing and paint a picture of what I like to see. Essentially, I design a vision that is exciting, purposeful and fulfilling, one that I find inspiring. I ask myself:

      • What am I doing? (In all the above stated aspects of life)
      • With whom am I doing it with?
      • What am I feeling?
      • How much income am I earning?
      • How much fun am I having?
      • What difference am I making, personally and professionally, in the world?

      Ultimately, using this exercise to create a vision of what I aspire to be, feel, and experience in the new coming year. This process, of seeing and even feeling a new improved self in all aspects of my life allows me to then develop life objectives that support this vision, helping me break it all down into specific goals that lead me to my desired destination by years end. This exercise has become one of the most favored amongst my clients, not only promoting clarity in their goal setting but accountability as we use it as a tool to check in with to help them stay on track and develop necessary action plans and task driven work in order they be able to obtain what it is they want in and for their lives.

      The most important thing to remember when doing this exercise is that not everything is written in stone, there needs to be some level of flexibility, however, not at the risk of losing sight of our vision. Remember, there is never an end state to self-development, greater success and happiness is always a work in progress but without a vision it is very hard to find direction. As the most revered book states “Where There Is No Vision The People Perish.” PROVERBS  29:18

      Wishing Everyone A Very Happy New Year

      -Holly-