empowerment Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Don’t F* with us!

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jul 1, 2022 | Blog

Independence Day??

Okay ladies, so this month’s blog is a little different.

Whether in my work—or convos we’ve had in person—I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about the fallout for us Gen X women…

>> Mothers who didn’t have much. Who pushed us to achieve and accomplish—all the while, painting their nails to the theme tune of Dallas…

>> Those Enjoli ads, who taught us to fry up his bacon and ‘never forget he’s a man…’

We were taught to take it to excess. Prove ourselves. You can have it all. Crazy, it was exhausting.

But one thing’s for sure…whether picketing for women’s rights—or picking up our daughters from school—we were damn sure (as Bob Dylan would say) the times, they were a’changing.

Well, how f*cking wrong I was…

Fast forward 40 years and where are we exactly?

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs Wade, a seismic shift has ripped through America. I feel a little like Alice stepping through her Looking Glass… we’ve tumbled through 50 years of history—and woken up, back in shackles.

My mother’s generation fought for us in a man’s world. And sure, I work in the helping profession—an undoubtedly female dominated industry—but I’ve heard crazy ass stories from women of the things men have said and done as they climbed the corporate ladder.

Because, honestly? Women’s rights had changed, but cast your mind back… On the ground, day-to-day what did that really mean? Think about the level of objectification we’d endured—and overcome.

And so, the pendulum changed course. #MeToo was huge. A landmark that uncovered sexual assaults in so many organizations across America. Now we were gaining some traction—and they’d never let us get away with that.

Like jackals these ignorant conservative men, these religious supremacists, kept to the shadows. They hide where they can—and pounce in the dark, with one collective thought: We’re gonna take back control.

And pulled out the big guns…

So, Roe vs Wade? It’s about power. Control. And crushing our human spirit.

BUT…

Here’s what I know to be true…

This is an awakening for women. We won’t just sit down and shut up. We are not going to lay down and take it.

You’ve unearthed something within us.

And here’s my message to this disgusting sociopathic, demographic of men: Do not fuck with us. You are not going to change us. We are on fire—and our flame will not be put out.

Because… we’re more rallied, educated and equipped than ever before. And how do I know this to be true? I work with these women everyday! Powerful women who make a big difference everywhere they go—whether it’s a Fortune 500, or as the matriarch of their families.

We’re still climbing that ladder—we’re showing our place more than ever— and we’re ready to put a stake in the ground, step over that line and say, enough is enough.

As I write this, 7 states in America have blocked abortion, with a further 21 threatening, or likely to impose severe restrictions.

Sure like you, I may be past childbearing age, but ladies, let’s not kid ourselves that this doesn’t affect us. And nor is this about being white and wealthy enough to drive our daughters across state for an abortion…

It’s about a medieval reduction of a woman to the contents of her womb. The denial of autonomy over our own self.

So, please… don’t give me the Fourth of July.

‘Independence’ Day. It’s unnerving.

Ask yourself, is it a good time to be an American—in this divided country? It’s as if we were in Civil War, each state operating independently of the others. We’re not united at all, we’re an embarrassment.

Not just going backwards, we’re in a freefall.

Our divisions have carved up this ‘land of the free’. All those underground, fueled by extremism and bigotry, have clawed their way to the top—for now.

Because we will not be silenced.

So, how do you plan to spend your weekend? I’d love to know. I can’t be the only one not popping champagne, wincing at the fireworks, chilling in the backyard with a good book.

In over 50 years I have never felt this way before…

And that’s why I’m writing this call to arms.

Because, ladies, we’ve seen a lot and we’ve gotten our rights. We’ve found our voices. Every decade we’ve gotten stronger, and we will not be silenced.

This is an unearthing.

And THAT will never change.

Holly

P.S. How does Wade vs Roe affect you? Are you enraged? In tears? Choosing not to think about it? Know this: here is a safe space for all your pain and frustrations. Please hit reply—I’ll always respond.

P.P.S. If you’re compelled to act, or find out more on the supreme court’s decision and the implications it has for ALL of us, here are some resources to get you started:

Give/Donate: Local Abortion Funds in every state

https://donations4abortion.com

Act: Tell Joe Biden: Open Abortion Clinics on Federal Lands

https://act.ocasiocortez.com/sign/abortion-clinics/

Listen (podcast)

https://crooked.com/podcast-series/strict-scrutiny/

Prescription For Self-Love

by Holly Boxenhorn | Feb 1, 2020 | Blog

Selfulness

The evidence is clear, research supports our social relationships are the most powerful predictor of happiness. Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, there’s tons of evidence supporting that the common thread amongst “happy” people is that they all have broad social networks and positive relationships with those people in their networks. And to be clear here, we’re not talking about quantity but rather the quality of our social relationships in all areas of our life; work, community, personal, intimate and moreover with ourselves. As without love of self there is no basis to start from, self-love is the pre-condition to loving others. Understandably though for some, the act of practicing self-love can feel initially uncomfortable, and overly self-indulgent but self-love is not to be confused with self-centeredness. Rather self-love is more about thinking about the “me” so that you can build a strong “we”.

I was recently introduced to the word “selfulness”. As you can see it’s a play on words, it’s definition in the urban dictionary is used to describe a person that creates a balance between caring for themselves along with others. With contemporary western culture often plagued by the schism between love of self (egoism or selfishness) and love of others (altruistic or selflessness), the word selfulness I think is a great way to capture a way of being where we extend how we relate to ourselves towards others as well. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it, how can we have loving, positive relationships with others if we don’t practice a healthy relationship with ourselves? A great analogy for this is when we hear the infamous instructions of flight attendants reminding us to first put on our oxygen mask before helping others in case of an emergency landing. Why is this an important rule for ensuring everyone’s survival? Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask. This is a perfect metaphor to consider especially for women as we are notoriously known to put our self-care and needs on the back burner.

Learning to love oneself is a key ingredient to greater happiness. Self-love is at the very core of well-being, joy and empowerment. If we don’t care for ourselves we limit our success in all aspects of our lives; experiencing burnout, fatigue, reduced mental effectiveness, health problems, anxiety, stress, and heightened frustration. It’s time to let go of the guilt and the excuses, put your oxygen mask on first and start practicing a little more self-love in your life.

SELF-LOVE PRACTICES

#1 Recognize Your Own Good Qualities– Many of us have the tendency to focus on what it is that we aren’t enough of. Defaulting to negative self-talk is one of the least loving things you can do for yourself. So today, right now, take a few minutes to make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Think of physical attributes, mental or emotional strengths, successes you’ve experienced, the way you support your friends and family, or anything else. Make your list as long as possible, and keep adding to it. Go to people you trust and ask them what they’d list as your positive characteristics. You may be surprised to find out that people see a lot more of your strengths than you realize.

#2 Treat Yourself With The Same Level Of Kindness & Respect You Do For Others You Love- You know how you treat someone you really care about, the way you love and support that person and treat him or her with kindness and respect? Well, do that for yourself and just as you’d challenge a close friend who’s making bad decisions with his or her life, challenge yourself as well. Remind yourself just as you would a good friend of your worth as an individual and that you deserve great things in your life. Resist the tendency for settling for less, encourage yourself as you would someone you love to challenge yourself to achieve the best life possible.

#3 Give Attention To Your Needs And Desires– This may sound a bit silly, but some people really don’t know what they want and need. They can go through their entire adult lives never stopping to self-assess and check in with how they are truly doing. One of the best ways to love yourself is to carve out some time weekly to answer honestly how you are feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some great questions to consider:

Do you feel significant/loved/respected?
Are you allowing companionship to lift and enlighten your life?
Do you feel in control of how you react to situations in your life?
Are you treating your body well (i.e. sleep, diet, exercise, necessary doc apps, stress management)?
Do you feel a sense of inner-peace and calmness?
Do you have a sense of purpose and appreciation for your place in this world?

Now take it one step further and ask yourself, how can you, at this very moment, take better care of yourself, so that you have more to give instead of less? Remember self-love may start with the “me” but it ends with a “we”. In the spirit of Valentines Day, a holiday many of us designate as time to express love to those near and dear to us, I’m going to ask you do the same for yourself!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

-Holly-

Part II-Creating Optimal Outcomes

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jul 2, 2018 | Blog

CORE Energy…how to create an empowered energetic state.

We often hear references to the importance of building our core strength, but those references usually speak to the physical core. The importance of core energy*, the energy that is at the core of our thoughts, emotions, and actions is what we will be examining more closely this summer. This relates more to how people see themselves, those around them, and the world itself. A person’s core energy is where his or her energy is focused at any given time. A person’s core energy has a tremendous influence on their “performance” in all aspects of their life.

When one feels stress (tension/anxiety) and/or when you feel a lack of engagement (when you’re not choosing to do something or not motivated by it), your energy is drained and your potential for creating optimal outcomes/experiences is decreased. The way you respond to anything you’re about to do or the way you approach a situation or set of circumstances, is unique to you. But overall, an individual’s energetic state is effected and resulted by six key influencers: spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social, and environmental. What doesn’t affect your energy in one situation may detract from it in another. Anytime you are not “performing” to the best of your ability, something is then blocking your energy and it is likely a result of one or a combination of these six key influencers.

When all of these six key influencers are ideal for you, you have your best chance for peak performance. You see having potential and fully using your potential are two entirely different things. Let’s use the example of gas in a gas tank. Think of your potential in terms of being like a gas tank and how much gas you put in that gas tank is where the six key influencers come into play. If you have all six key factors working at their utmost then your gas tank is full, therefore, you are able to access your full energy and create optimal outcomes and experiences because you now have a full tank of gas behind your potential (capabilities/talent). But what if suddenly one or two of these influencers are compromised in some way (which we will get into next newsletter), your gas tank will now only have half the amount of gas it requires to work at it’s full capacity. So without a full tank of gas (aka maximizing these 6 key influencers) it makes it more challenging to access your full potential because you don’t have a full tank of gas supporting it.

Bottomline, these six key influencers affect how you show up. By learning how these six key influencers are either detracting or supporting your ability to perform, you can create action plans and strategies to get you more ideal outcomes. Ultimately with time, as you learn more about how these six influencers effect you, personal patterns and trends are revealed that help you build a formula for greater success. Providing a performance checklist of sorts to ensure alignment with the best version of yourself as possible even when circumstances are less than ideal or maximize upon them when they are all on point.

Keep your eyes open for next month’s newsletter and learn more about how these six key influencers are relevant to your greater success and happiness!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success
-Holly-

*Read Part I – “Creating Optimal Outcomes”

This newsletter contains my interpretation of the copyrighted work of Bruce D. Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.

Part I-Creating Optimal Outcomes

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2018 | Blog

The One Thing That Changes Everything.

When it comes to greater success and happiness the vast majority of us are simply unaware of why things go well for us one day and not the next. Sure, it’s easy to say it was just a good day verses a bad day. Everything fell into place, you happened to have been at the right place at the right time, and nothing unexpected or “messy” occurred. But we all know that life is challenging, for everyone, and at any given moment life can throw us a curveball or two. No one is excused from life’s ups and downs. So to chalk up our levels of success and happiness to good luck or misfortune, quiet frankly, is bullshit.

Rarely if ever, with the exception of a health issue, does our levels of capabilities, talents, and competencies change significantly from day to day or even moment to moment. Yes, we can become more skilled or apt at those things we practice over a period of time, 6 months to a year. But really our capabilities don’t change significantly on a day to day basis, especially not on a moment to moment basis. So why is it that we can feel one minute on top of our game and a few hours later on shaky ground. We all have experienced this before, great mornings followed by a crappy afternoon or a series of “on” days/weeks followed by what feels as if we hit a wall.

Think about it, maybe tomorrow you have a big meeting or presentation at work, possibly you’re planning to sit down with your significant other to have an important conversation about the kitchen you would like to redo. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon you’ll be negotiating an important deal (i.e. new car, home, or business venture) or be put in a position to make a go or no go decision about a health related matter pertaining to you or a loved one. What do you think is more important in that moment, your talent or the energy you’re experiencing?

Yep, it’s your energy, your energy behind how your talent will get used as well as the results you’ll get. How we show up-the energy we bring to any situation impacts the outcome or results we get. Your CORE ENERGY is the key driver and what matters the most. Regardless of how skilled and well intended you may be, we are all subject to various inner and outer elements that can either help or hinder our success and happiness. Without the right type and amount of energy the ability to show up and be engaged in life can be severely limited and sometimes not possible. By understanding and then knowing how to handle your core energy you can have a huge advantage in creating consistent success and fulfillment in your life.

So let’s get busy this summer, stayed tuned over the next couple of months for my summer series and learn more about the nuts and bolts behind creating an empowered energetic state that will undoubtably create optimal outcomes and experiences in your life.