Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

by | Jan 5, 2024 | Blog

Perfect Read This Instead…

It’s January — and you know what that means… 

In line at the supermarket, you’re hit by all the articles on health and wellbeing. You’ll go back to the gym. Dust off that yoga mat (or Peloton). Write that book/see your best friend more/eat less carbs… 

You’ve got your resolutions. New year, new you, right? And you are on it. 

Sound familiar? 

Well, it might — in more ways than one. Because this is exactly how I started January’s blog post 2 years ago. 

So, why am I shamelessly repurposing old content — and drawing attention to it at that?! 

Well, for one simple reason… 

Every year, as the clock strikes midnight and the New Year rolls around, millions of us will resolve to reinvent ourselves. Because whether it be health, money, a new career, or just deciding to argue less (after a week of in-laws and hosting) one thing’s for certain…

This year will be better… 

And yet, by February, 80% of us will have broken (or forgotten) our New Year’s resolutions.

Well, being a women’s life empowerment coach (and a decade as a qualified psychotherapist before that) resolutions and goal setting are all too familiar to me. 

It’s why I can recognize the pressure you put on yourself not to fail every year… 

And I also know that — just like my opening paragraph — if you cast your mind back, chances are your goals this year, will be suspiciously similar to last year’s… 

So, why should we expect this one to be any different? 

Well, that’s why, I’m not about to give you even more strategies to set realistic resolutions — and stick to them. (And in fact, if that’s what you’re after, my YouTube lives back in December give you a 4-Part Recipe for Goal Setting Success.)

No, today is about knowing HOW to dismantle the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that put you in a never ending loop of setting resolutions each year — and feeling crushed when you’ve ‘failed’ by February.  

Now, dismantling these gremlins is in fact, a HUGE piece of my work with women, but rarely do we apply them to goal setting or New Year’s resolutions. 

Which is a mistake, because in reality making this one simple shift can have a profound impact… 

Or, as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently puts it:  

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” 

Now, I love this quote because she calls out something we’re all too familiar with… 

In other words, until we’re genuinely honest about where we’re at in our lives — or able to call out the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that are holding us back — how can we ever hope to put our goals into action? 

So, what does that look like in practice? 

Well, let’s take one of the most popular resolutions I see women make in January (after all the baked goodies, champagne and eggnog has settled). 

Yes, you guessed it: Losing weight. Getting fitter. 

Or (as I like to call it) feeling more vibrant.  

Now, your limiting beliefs around this might look something like, ‘I’ll never swim 30 lengths of the pool’ or ‘I’ll never feel as fit as I did in my 20’s.’ 

But here’s the deal: if from the outset you let that negative narrative chip away at you how can you ever possibly achieve that goal? 

The same works for any resolution you make — that new career, the house move, even worrying less about your children. The fact is none of these are remotely achievable, if you know, deep down you’ll talk yourself out of it.

But there is something you can do about it… 

How To Conduct a Visioning Exercise 

The truth is, negative self talk can quickly spiral. Seriously, how many times in your life have you become stuck, and rigidly hold onto things, or pooh-pooh away any choices you may have?

Well, that’s all it takes to break a resolution. 

That’s why when they’re spiralling, I ask my clients to write a list of the most outlandish things they can think of for this second half of life. Because, now more than ever, it’s important to remove a sense of reality from the situation. 

For example:

Want to swim 30 lengths? Why not do a triathlon!

Want to learn French? Move to Paris for 6 months! 

Want to travel more? Take up skydiving while you’re at it! 

Seriously, the trick is to go to town on this. Because so much of our stuckness comes from rigidly clinging onto narrow choices. But when we bust that open, a world of possibilities emerge…

And suddenly you’ll realize this year’s resolution to wear your bikini on that dream trip to the Maldives really isn’t that outlandish at all… 

You’ll STOP flatlining your possibilities or settling for mediocrity…

And what’s more, you’ll never again risk seeing yet another year come and go — or watching your resolutions go up in February smoke. 

XO

Holly

P.S. If this post struck a chord, and you’d like more exercises to strengthen your resolution and resolve — here are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Watch my YouTube lives with Lucie Q — and discover the 4-Part Recipe to map out your vision, set effective goals, uncover why they fail and dodge those midlife curveballs. 
  2. Download Your Free Values Assessment. This will help work out what your real, true values are, and kickstart your ‘Why’ — all super crucial to keep your resolutions on track.

     

     

     

     

    Don’t F* with us!

    Don’t F* with us!

    by | Jul 1, 2022 | Blog

    Independence Day??

    Okay ladies, so this month’s blog is a little different. 

    Whether in my work—or convos we’ve had in person—I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about the fallout for us Gen X women…

    >> Mothers who didn’t have much. Who pushed us to achieve and accomplish—all the while, painting their nails to the theme tune of Dallas…

    >> Those Enjoli ads, who taught us to fry up his bacon and ‘never forget he’s a man…’ 

    We were taught to take it to excess. Prove ourselves. You can have it all. Crazy, it was exhausting.

    But one thing’s for sure…whether picketing for women’s rights—or picking up our daughters from school—we were damn sure (as Bob Dylan would say) the times, they were a’changing.

    Well, how f*cking wrong I was… 

    Fast forward 40 years and where are we exactly? 

    In the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs Wade, a seismic shift has ripped through America. I feel a little like Alice stepping through her Looking Glass… we’ve tumbled through 50 years of history—and woken up, back in shackles.

    My mother’s generation fought for us in a man’s world. And sure, I work in the helping profession—an undoubtedly female dominated industry—but I’ve heard crazy ass stories from women of the things men have said and done as they climbed the corporate ladder. 

    Because, honestly? Women’s rights had changed, but cast your mind back… On the ground, day-to-day what did that really mean? Think about the level of objectification we’d endured—and overcome. 

    And so, the pendulum changed course. #MeToo was huge. A landmark that uncovered sexual assaults in so many organizations across America. Now we were gaining some traction—and they’d never let us get away with that.

    Like jackals these ignorant conservative men, these religious supremacists, kept to the shadows. They hide where they can—and pounce in the dark, with one collective thought: We’re gonna take back control. 

    And pulled out the big guns…

    So, Roe vs Wade? It’s about power. Control. And crushing our human spirit.

    BUT…

    Here’s what I know to be true…

    This is an awakening for women. We won’t just sit down and shut up. We are not going to lay down and take it. 

    You’ve unearthed something within us.  

    And here’s my message to this disgusting sociopathic, demographic of men: Do not fuck with us. You are not going to change us. We are on fire—and our flame will not be put out.

    Because…  we’re more rallied, educated and equipped than ever before. And how do I know this to be true? I work with these women everyday! Powerful women who make a big difference everywhere they go—whether it’s a Fortune 500, or as the matriarch of their families.

    We’re still climbing that ladder—we’re showing our place more than ever— and we’re ready to put a stake in the ground, step over that line and say, enough is enough.

    As I write this, 7 states in America have blocked abortion, with a further 21 threatening, or likely to impose severe restrictions. 

    Sure like you, I may be past childbearing age, but ladies, let’s not kid ourselves that this doesn’t affect us. And nor is this about being white and wealthy enough to drive our daughters across state for an abortion… 

    It’s about a medieval reduction of a woman to the contents of her womb. The denial of autonomy over our own self.

    So, please… don’t give me the Fourth of July. 

    ‘Independence’ Day. It’s unnerving. 

    Ask yourself, is it a good time to be an American—in this divided country? It’s as if we were in Civil War, each state operating independently of the others. We’re not united at all, we’re an embarrassment.

    Not just going backwards, we’re in a freefall. 

    Our divisions have carved up this ‘land of the free’. All those underground, fueled by extremism and bigotry, have clawed their way to the top—for now. 

    Because we will not be silenced. 

    So, how do you plan to spend your weekend? I’d love to know. I can’t be the only one not popping champagne, wincing at the fireworks, chilling in the backyard with a good book. 

    In over 50 years I have never felt this way before…

    And that’s why I’m writing this call to arms. 

    Because, ladies, we’ve seen a lot and we’ve gotten our rights. We’ve found our voices. Every decade we’ve gotten stronger, and we will not be silenced. 

    This is an unearthing.

    And THAT will never change. 

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. How does Wade vs Roe affect you? Are you enraged? In tears? Choosing not to think about it? Know this: here is a safe space for all your pain and frustrations. Please hit reply—I’ll always respond. 

    P.P.S. If you’re compelled to act, or find out more on the supreme court’s decision and the implications it has for ALL of us, here are some resources to get you started: 

    Give/Donate: Local Abortion Funds in every state

    https://donations4abortion.com

    Act: Tell Joe Biden: Open Abortion Clinics on Federal Lands

    https://act.ocasiocortez.com/sign/abortion-clinics/

    Listen (podcast)

    https://crooked.com/podcast-series/strict-scrutiny/

     

     

    The Myth Of Having It All

    The Myth Of Having It All

    by | Mar 3, 2022 | Blog

    Hey ladies, remember these…?

    Those delightfully damaging Enjoli advertisements from the ‘80s?

    *Gulp.* (Imagine that making the Superbowl break nowadays?!)

    That’s right. As Gen X-ers we REALLY were spoon fed that we could ‘have it all.’ The children. The career. The husband…

    And of course we’d ‘never NEVER let him forget he’s a man.’

    Yikes.

    The thing is, whether it was our well intentioned mothers cheering us on — from a generation where women’s rights were little more than a novelty — or the subliminal craziness of ads like these popping up every 30 minutes…

    Where has this internal dialogue left us?

    >> Burnt out

    >> Exhausted

    >> Leaving our own wellbeing limping in last place

    And deep down you know that’s not serving anybody…

    So, this month I’m examining the psychology behind letting our purses (and our minds) constantly overflow with this baggage…

    I’m looking at why we ALL fall into one of 2 camps when it comes to aspiring for more in our lives…

    AND why we’re all still suffering from a bad case of comparisonitis. (And yes, what the heck we can do about it!)

    So ladies, let’s dive in!

    You may have heard of Tal Ben-Shahar? He’s a leading light in the world of positive psychology and one of my absolute heroes…

    Tal’s the author of 3 books including Happier, and taught the largest class in Harvard’s history: ‘Positive Psychology 101.’ He also founded the HSA (Happiness Studies Academy) where I studied for over a year — gaining coaching certification in the science behind happiness.

    Tal believes there are 2 distinct forms of perfectionism:

    1. The ‘Perfectionist.’ This individual who’s gotta be SO on point they’re suffering from anxiety, depression — even addictions.
    2. The ‘Optimalist.’ A healthy, striving individual who uses high standards to fuel their growth.

    And here’s the big difference: the Perfectionist fails to embrace reality. They’ll work 16 hours a day… AND stay super-healthy/be a model spouse/the perfect parent/be super active in the community/BFF to millions…

    BUT, they’re failing to embrace the constraints of reality. They simply can’t do all those things. And when they inevitably fall short of their own expectations, they beat themselves up and… it all comes crashing down. Perfectionism for them, has become a great source of misery.

    On the flip side, the Optimalist has equally high standards. But they rub their vision up against reality. They aspire to be their best — within reason. They understand there are only so many hours in the day, and healthily construct an OPTIMAL life within these boundaries.

    So, be honest now. Which one are you?

    If you’ve ever felt exhausted or burnt out, I think you’ll agree unhealthy perfectionist tendencies come with some serious consequences…

    But, the truth is, decades on from the Enjoli woman, we’re now a helluva lot wiser…

    And we are DONE playing by the rules that no longer serve us. 

    So, if we’ve been dealt a bad dose of the unhealthy perfectionist syndrome (as I call it) how can we still hold to a strong commitment AND evolve into the best version of ourselves? How can we embrace the constraints of reality just a little more today?

    In other words, how can we move our mindset from Perfectionist to Optimalist?

    Well, we can start by remembering ladies, life is not about perfection —

    Progress, yes.

    We can have it all. Just not all at once. 

    Be gentle on yourself. Remember, frying that bacon up in a pan after a hard day at work for your man is probably in your DNA! It’s gonna take a little rewiring to let that past conditioning go.

    But, now you’re aware of the difference. Which means you can actively bring your best self forward…

    So, next time you feel the pang of perfectionism, be realistic. Look at life through a different lens — and flip that script from Perfectionist to Optimalist.

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. If you’re a recovering perfectionist (and let’s face it, who isn’t?) how does it manifest in your life? When do you feel the wheels coming off? Hit me back and let’s talk about it.

    P.P.S. And if you want to read more about this topic Ben-Shahar’s book ‘Pursuit of Perfect’ is an ahem, perfect place to start.

    Summer Series-Part V

    Summer Series-Part V

    by | Aug 17, 2017 | Blog

    What’s Holding You Back?

    August 20th 2017 Insights

    Concluding the summer series to Keys To Success Insights, we’ll end with exploring the last of the Big 4 energy blocks. Remember, as I have been sharing… when we are not achieving or are having limited success with what it is we want in and for our lives, it’s most likely a result of one of the four energy blocks that’s keeping us stuck. In the past few newsletters, we looked at limiting beliefs – things that you accept about life, about yourself, about your world, or about the people in it, that limit you in some way; assumptions – expectations that, because something has happened in the past, it will happen again; and interpretations – opinions and judgments that you create about an event, situation, person, or experience and believe to be true. It is now time to examine the last, but certainly not the least, of the big four energy blocks. The final block we’ll talk about – the gremlin – is the most difficult to overcome, because it’s the most personal and holds the most energy. (more…)

    Summer Series- Part IV

    Summer Series- Part IV

    by | Aug 3, 2017 | Blog

    What’s Holding You Back?

    August 6th 2017 Insights

    For those of you just joining into my summer series of Keys to Success Insights, we have been exploring the Big 4 energy blocks that keep us stuck and limit greater success and happiness in our lives. We’ve already explored the concept behind self-fate, limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions. This month, we move onto the third energy block, interpretations. When we interpret something, we create an opinion about an event, situation, or experience. In essence, we create an explanation and then look for evidence to support its validity. When we make an interpretation, we don’t even see that other explanations exist. But in actuality, an interpretation often only represents one viewpoint among the many that are possible. (more…)