keys to success Archives - Page 3 of 16

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

by Holly Boxenhorn | Apr 2, 2020 | Blog

We’re In This Together!

Ok ladies, we are well into this “Corona Virus Pause”, by now most of us have fully transitioned into our new remote living reality. This ain’t no joke, we gotta pull out the big guns and dig deep to start impressing the hell out of ourselves. Pretty much everything that organized our days has changed. There’s already too much out of our control but the truth is it’s not going to last forever. It’s time to start reinventing the wheel. I see we have two choices here- step into our greater power or throw in the towel. How awesome would it be to take this crazy Corona pandemic and use it to our advantage- learning more about ourselves becoming stronger and more resilient then ever?

Honoring that everyone processes things differently and what serves each person best will vary, I’m taking this month’s blog post to inspire some positive action just to get going on figuring out how we can support ourselves in ways that fuel us, rather than drain, by suggesting taking daily positive action from the below 4 different aspects of our life to earn a minimum of 10 points per day. Here’s the thing though, you must gather at least 2 points in each area. To bring about sustainable wellbeing we need to build our overall resilience by attending to our whole self; body, mind, heart, and spirit. Although focusing on any one of these variables singularly will make a difference, attending to all 4 you will thrive.

“Corona Virus Pause” Challenge

Earn a minimum of 10pts per day with at least 2pts earned from each category

Relationships
Examples: connect with family & friends via phone, facetime, zoom (get creative host a zoom cocktail hour/book club), spend quality time with those living in your home (game/movie night, manicures with daughter, walks with son, etc), date night with significant other (even if that has to be virtually), participate in live interactive webinars, write a letter/send a card to someone near and dear to you, contribute to your community (donate to organizations in need, buy gift certificates from local business’ websites), surprise someone you lost touch with with a “how are you doing text”, etc.

Health
Examples: practice social distancing, exercise in any shape or form (it’s just about moving your body), eat nourishing food (no cookies & crap for one full day), stay hydrated (with water!), take vitamins/supplements, attend to any chronic or temporary illnesses/injuries, encourage a good night sleep, etc…

Self-Care/Fun & Enjoyment
Examples: journaling, reading fiction for fun, watch a funny show, take a bath, dance, give yourself a manicure/facial, listen to your favorite podcast, meditate, play with your pet, go for a walk/drive alone should you need some space, set new boundaries with kids/spouse so you can have uninterrupted work time, go to bed without your phone, etc..

Personal DevelopmentExamples: knock off any work related project/tasks from your to do list, listen to educational podcasts, participate in on-line educational webinars, learn a new skill, read books/articles that enrich your knowledge & wellbeing, clean out your inbox, organize your space etc…

For those who may feel 10 points may be a lot to aim for, realize you can knock off two points in one action, like taking a walk alone qualifies for both a health point and self care or going with your spouse or child would be relationship building as well as health. Try to be creative, definitely time to start thinking out of the box. Also you’ll be surprised how once you just do one proactive action it improves your mood and then desire to do more. This challenge is not meant to be stressful, that’s the last thing I want to create for anyone. If you’re experiencing something very difficult right now, a recent loss, sick, need more time to process this significant disruption in our lives maybe this is something you can return to when the time is right. This blog post comes from a place of love & support, simply just some food for thought and hopefully inspiration.

We may be down but we are not out! Yes, we are going to have our good days and bad days, hell that might be reduced to hours and there will be moments you’ll see the best of yourself as well as the worst but remember this, there WILL be a vaccine. This WILL end. There are challenges ahead but humans are resilient and positivity is contagious too!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

by Holly Boxenhorn | Mar 1, 2020 | Blog

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Lasts month’s blog post I shared the number one predictor of happiness…the quality of our social relationships. Positive relationships, ones that inspire, support, and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves proves to be the most significant factor that keeps us happier and yes even healthier. So what’s the second most powerful predictor of happiness… anyone care to guess? Well, research proves it’s a matter of one’s “interpretation style” (hopeful vs.hopeless). In other words, those people who experience greater happiness are those who understand that their feelings/emotions are not permanent nor pervasive rather specific to an experience and only temporary. I’ve written on this topic in some shape or form in past blog posts, emotions are not directives, they are merely just data. While feeling sad, angry, fearful, frustrated, etc is inarguably uncomfortable and unpleasant to say the least, they too are just as much apart of the human experience as joy, peace, love, pride, satisfaction, enthusiasm, etc. Happy people give themselves permission to be human and cultivate a way of life (aka an interpretation style) that helps restore wellbeing when challenged and delight in moments of happiness.

So with all that being said how does one cultivate an “interpretation style” that is more opportunistic and optimistic rather then pessimistic and disadvantageous. Truth to be told, the list is endless but for the sake of this blog post I want to highlight 3 key practices I share with clients and personally use to embrace a more straightforward approach to fostering an inspiring “interpretation style”.

How to Guide on Cultivating a Hopeful Interpretation Style:

Step 1: Practice Acceptance – Don’t fall into the trap of the Great Deception, that is, a happy life is a life devoid of unpleasant feelings. Contrary to popular belief, happiness is not an absence of problems/challenges, that just doesn’t exist for anyone. No one is excused from life’s ups and downs. First and foremost, we must give ourselves the permission to be human and avoid judging, fighting, and sugar-coating any uncomfortable emotions we may be feeling. Understand, permitting ourselves to be human is not about resignation but rather active acceptance where we can step back, sit in the discomfort of unpleasant feelings in order to educate ourselves how to best move forward in the most appropriate, proactive, and supportive way.

Step 2: Evaluate – What can be contributing to the way we are feeling? Is it something related to a physical component of our lives like lack of sleep, nutrition, exercise, a chronic or temporary health condition? Possibly relationally related, maybe you’re not feeling connected to those near and dear to you? Or are you feeling dissatisfied with your development, personally and/or professionally? What may you be magnifying, getting stuck on and not seeing the bigger picture of, or possibly misinterpreting.

Step 3: Restore Rational Thinking – Study after study has proven that our thoughts determine how we feel which then in turn impacts how we behave. Having “go to” practices and strategies to help us cope and recover in challenging times promotes an “interpretation style” that is supportive. Now, this is where it becomes highly personal but based on the insights we get from step #2 along with appropriate expression of feelings, establishing a best way to recover from challenging experiences so we can restore rational thinking will organically happen. This may include anything from getting feedback from others, reframing the situation to see it in a more positive light, mediating/journaling/exercising to help decompress and gain perspective, identifying three things in your day you are grateful for to shift mindset away from the negativity bias, embracing failure so we can get back on the horse (so to say) and realign with what we want in and for our lives, or even simply getting outside and connecting with nature can be just enough for many to boost their moods promoting a more solution based mindset.

This list can go on and on and for those of you interested in learning more about promoting a most advantageous mindset, do not hesitate to reach out! Success and happiness are not reserved for the lucky but rather to those who are committed to its process.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success!

-Holly-

Prescription For Self-Love

by Holly Boxenhorn | Feb 1, 2020 | Blog

Selfulness

The evidence is clear, research supports our social relationships are the most powerful predictor of happiness. Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, there’s tons of evidence supporting that the common thread amongst “happy” people is that they all have broad social networks and positive relationships with those people in their networks. And to be clear here, we’re not talking about quantity but rather the quality of our social relationships in all areas of our life; work, community, personal, intimate and moreover with ourselves. As without love of self there is no basis to start from, self-love is the pre-condition to loving others. Understandably though for some, the act of practicing self-love can feel initially uncomfortable, and overly self-indulgent but self-love is not to be confused with self-centeredness. Rather self-love is more about thinking about the “me” so that you can build a strong “we”.

I was recently introduced to the word “selfulness”. As you can see it’s a play on words, it’s definition in the urban dictionary is used to describe a person that creates a balance between caring for themselves along with others. With contemporary western culture often plagued by the schism between love of self (egoism or selfishness) and love of others (altruistic or selflessness), the word selfulness I think is a great way to capture a way of being where we extend how we relate to ourselves towards others as well. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it, how can we have loving, positive relationships with others if we don’t practice a healthy relationship with ourselves? A great analogy for this is when we hear the infamous instructions of flight attendants reminding us to first put on our oxygen mask before helping others in case of an emergency landing. Why is this an important rule for ensuring everyone’s survival? Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask. This is a perfect metaphor to consider especially for women as we are notoriously known to put our self-care and needs on the back burner.

Learning to love oneself is a key ingredient to greater happiness. Self-love is at the very core of well-being, joy and empowerment. If we don’t care for ourselves we limit our success in all aspects of our lives; experiencing burnout, fatigue, reduced mental effectiveness, health problems, anxiety, stress, and heightened frustration. It’s time to let go of the guilt and the excuses, put your oxygen mask on first and start practicing a little more self-love in your life.

SELF-LOVE PRACTICES

#1 Recognize Your Own Good Qualities– Many of us have the tendency to focus on what it is that we aren’t enough of. Defaulting to negative self-talk is one of the least loving things you can do for yourself. So today, right now, take a few minutes to make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Think of physical attributes, mental or emotional strengths, successes you’ve experienced, the way you support your friends and family, or anything else. Make your list as long as possible, and keep adding to it. Go to people you trust and ask them what they’d list as your positive characteristics. You may be surprised to find out that people see a lot more of your strengths than you realize.

#2 Treat Yourself With The Same Level Of Kindness & Respect You Do For Others You Love- You know how you treat someone you really care about, the way you love and support that person and treat him or her with kindness and respect? Well, do that for yourself and just as you’d challenge a close friend who’s making bad decisions with his or her life, challenge yourself as well. Remind yourself just as you would a good friend of your worth as an individual and that you deserve great things in your life. Resist the tendency for settling for less, encourage yourself as you would someone you love to challenge yourself to achieve the best life possible.

#3 Give Attention To Your Needs And Desires– This may sound a bit silly, but some people really don’t know what they want and need. They can go through their entire adult lives never stopping to self-assess and check in with how they are truly doing. One of the best ways to love yourself is to carve out some time weekly to answer honestly how you are feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some great questions to consider:

Do you feel significant/loved/respected?
Are you allowing companionship to lift and enlighten your life?
Do you feel in control of how you react to situations in your life?
Are you treating your body well (i.e. sleep, diet, exercise, necessary doc apps, stress management)?
Do you feel a sense of inner-peace and calmness?
Do you have a sense of purpose and appreciation for your place in this world?

Now take it one step further and ask yourself, how can you, at this very moment, take better care of yourself, so that you have more to give instead of less? Remember self-love may start with the “me” but it ends with a “we”. In the spirit of Valentines Day, a holiday many of us designate as time to express love to those near and dear to us, I’m going to ask you do the same for yourself!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

-Holly-

Where And Who You Are Now

by Holly Boxenhorn | Dec 1, 2019 | Blog

The Power In Acceptance

For many, December is a month of reflection. As we end the year and begin to contemplate new year resolutions, it’s a perfect time to surrender to the discipline of acceptance. Without acceptance we are only fighting or denying what is, making it almost impossible to behave proactively and move forward to create the change we seek in the coming year.

It’s important not to confuse acceptance with resignation. Resignation is an act of giving up of our control, quitting, or succumbing to less than desirable outcomes. Whereas acceptance is more about gaining control and increasing the likelihood for more optimal results through embracing what actually is, in order to better assist ourselves with the understanding of what really needs to be addressed.

So before we can create the change we desire for the coming year we must first accept where we are now. Grab some paper and pen and start considering how you spent this past year, what did you accomplish that you are proud of and where may have you fallen short. Let’s explore the highs and lows, celebrations and shortcomings to find the lessons to be learned from all our experiences, positive and negative and move forward with a renewed conviction in this new coming year.

Ask Yourself:

What were the most significant events (good or ugly) of the year past? (List the top 3)
What did you accomplish? (List wins and achievements)
What were your disappointments? ( Regarding yourself )
What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc)
What would you do differently? Why?
What do you feel especially good about? What was your greatest contribution?
What were the fun things you did? What were the not-so-fun?
How are you different this year than last?

Let these reflections inform your plans for the new year. Say good-bye to 2019. Give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought and welcome in 2020 with your eyes wide open and ready to move forward!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-Holly-

Failing Is The New Black

by Holly Boxenhorn | Nov 1, 2019 | Blog

Learn To Fail Or Fail To Learn

Here I was thinking I had such a catchy title, “Failing Is The New Black”, but when I googled it, literally tons of articles with the same or similar title came up. Thus, my point…failing is in! As much as it hurts to fail, it is an important part of life. In fact, it’s an absolute must if you want to be successful. Simply said, failure teaches us in ways success cannot. If you’re not failing you’re likely not growing. The time has come to starting failing more!

If you really want to understand what it takes to succeed, bottom-line you need to rethink your relationship with failure and start embracing it more. Because as anyone who’s achieved something great will tell you, the road to success, with very few exceptions, is anything but a straight line. Though we all have been conditioned since a young age to equate failing with weakness there now is another school of thought which teaches that the path to success goes through failure, and that it is almost necessary to stumble and fall on your path to getting what you want. So here are some reasons that you shouldn’t fear failure, but rather embrace it.

1. Failure helps you refine your process -As Thomas Edison said it best, “I have not failed I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Use your failures as stepping-stones to evolve to the next best version of yourself, becoming increasingly more equipped and skilled, so you get it better the next time.

2. Failure makes you resilient -Every time we overcome something that is challenging to us but where we ultimately prevail, we build our resilience a little bit more. As a result we become more strong, increasing our ability to then withstand even greater challenges.

3. Failure is inevitable, perfection is impossible –If you research the stories of the most successful people of our time, you’ll find they, too, have failed. It was failure that produced the success stories of people like Michael Jordon, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Walt Disney, just to name a few. It’s all apart of the process, no one goes from 0 to 100 overnight.

4. Failure helps you reach your potential – Extraordinary things will only happen as a result of extraordinary efforts. Embracing failure rather than avoiding it creates the conditions we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Otherwise, we will be more inclined to only work within them. To bring out the best in us-reach our greater potential-we must have a “no fear” attitude towards failure, allowing us to detach from the outcomes, knowing regardless of what comes, success is already in the works just by the sheer nature of trying.

Let’s face it, the sweetest victories are the ones that are the most difficult. When things come too easily, we don’t appreciate our achievements. You deserve to be proud of what you’ve done, and unfortunately that pride comes in no small part from the knowledge that you’ve overcome challenges and failures to arrive there. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid of not trying!

Wishing You the Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

We’re In This Together!

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Prescription For Self-Love

Selfulness

Where And Who You Are Now

The Power In Acceptance

Failing Is The New Black

Learn To Fail Or Fail To Learn

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