well-being Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2020 | Blog

How Do You Want To Show Up From This Point On In?

Going back about 11 weeks ago our whole lives were turned upside down. It was on March 22nd when stay-at-home orders went into affect for most of us. No matter who you are, the reality is we all experienced some form of trauma from this massive upheaval in our lives. Even those who were lucky enough not to experience a direct hit like contracting Corona Virus or knowing someone who suffered terribly from it or possibly even lost their lives, still have experienced severe challenges, dividing our lives from what was and now is.

This is the definition of trauma, as it divides life before and after an event, challenging an individuals past ways of understanding the world and their place in it, compromising a feeling of safety. Clearly, I think it’s fair to say there’s not a person in this whole country possibly even world who’s belief system hasn’t been shook to the core in some shape or form.The Corona Virus Pandemic has impacted every aspect of our lives.

Whether you are someone whose ready and eager to move on or feel more like you’ve been hit by a truck and on shaky ground, I do know no matter whatever shape you are in now, everyone can take this crazy time in our lives and still become a better version of themselves. During this “pause” we’ve had the chance to see our strengths as well as our weaknesses. For most, we’ll likely never have an occasion like this in our lives where we can literally wipe the slate clean, take the time to heal old and recent wounds, and reconsider what is truly important to us.

So I want to take this month’s newsletter to encourage everyone NOT to return to their baselines and take this once in a lifetime opportunity to go beyond the status quo and consider new and improved possibilities in their lives. To help everyone get started with this, I want to return back to two most influential, eye-opening exercises I share with clients helping them to gain awareness and understanding to make decisions for themselves that support how they best want to show up.

The first is called the WHEEL OF LIFE. It is one of the most well utilized coaching tools out there providing insight as to where we are at currently in our lives as we cannot move forward accurately if we aren’t aware of what truly requires our attention in our development presently. And since so much has change in our lives most recently, there’s no time like the present to take the time to reassess. The second exercise, DEFINING OUR CORE VALUES, packs a powerful punch and admittedly can take some time to do but well worth the effort. Since life is forever shifting and changing and most of us have never really taken the time to explore what matters most to us, we often unknowingly absorb others agendas and standards, living our lives misaligned with what makes most sense for us to succeed and feel fulfilled.

Both exercises can easily be downloaded on my website under the link VALUABLE DOWNLOADS. You’ll find easy to follow directions but by all means don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or challenges as well as successes, I would love to hear from you!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

by Holly Boxenhorn | Mar 1, 2020 | Blog

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Lasts month’s blog post I shared the number one predictor of happiness…the quality of our social relationships. Positive relationships, ones that inspire, support, and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves proves to be the most significant factor that keeps us happier and yes even healthier. So what’s the second most powerful predictor of happiness… anyone care to guess? Well, research proves it’s a matter of one’s “interpretation style” (hopeful vs.hopeless). In other words, those people who experience greater happiness are those who understand that their feelings/emotions are not permanent nor pervasive rather specific to an experience and only temporary. I’ve written on this topic in some shape or form in past blog posts, emotions are not directives, they are merely just data. While feeling sad, angry, fearful, frustrated, etc is inarguably uncomfortable and unpleasant to say the least, they too are just as much apart of the human experience as joy, peace, love, pride, satisfaction, enthusiasm, etc. Happy people give themselves permission to be human and cultivate a way of life (aka an interpretation style) that helps restore wellbeing when challenged and delight in moments of happiness.

So with all that being said how does one cultivate an “interpretation style” that is more opportunistic and optimistic rather then pessimistic and disadvantageous. Truth to be told, the list is endless but for the sake of this blog post I want to highlight 3 key practices I share with clients and personally use to embrace a more straightforward approach to fostering an inspiring “interpretation style”.

How to Guide on Cultivating a Hopeful Interpretation Style:

Step 1: Practice Acceptance – Don’t fall into the trap of the Great Deception, that is, a happy life is a life devoid of unpleasant feelings. Contrary to popular belief, happiness is not an absence of problems/challenges, that just doesn’t exist for anyone. No one is excused from life’s ups and downs. First and foremost, we must give ourselves the permission to be human and avoid judging, fighting, and sugar-coating any uncomfortable emotions we may be feeling. Understand, permitting ourselves to be human is not about resignation but rather active acceptance where we can step back, sit in the discomfort of unpleasant feelings in order to educate ourselves how to best move forward in the most appropriate, proactive, and supportive way.

Step 2: Evaluate – What can be contributing to the way we are feeling? Is it something related to a physical component of our lives like lack of sleep, nutrition, exercise, a chronic or temporary health condition? Possibly relationally related, maybe you’re not feeling connected to those near and dear to you? Or are you feeling dissatisfied with your development, personally and/or professionally? What may you be magnifying, getting stuck on and not seeing the bigger picture of, or possibly misinterpreting.

Step 3: Restore Rational Thinking – Study after study has proven that our thoughts determine how we feel which then in turn impacts how we behave. Having “go to” practices and strategies to help us cope and recover in challenging times promotes an “interpretation style” that is supportive. Now, this is where it becomes highly personal but based on the insights we get from step #2 along with appropriate expression of feelings, establishing a best way to recover from challenging experiences so we can restore rational thinking will organically happen. This may include anything from getting feedback from others, reframing the situation to see it in a more positive light, mediating/journaling/exercising to help decompress and gain perspective, identifying three things in your day you are grateful for to shift mindset away from the negativity bias, embracing failure so we can get back on the horse (so to say) and realign with what we want in and for our lives, or even simply getting outside and connecting with nature can be just enough for many to boost their moods promoting a more solution based mindset.

This list can go on and on and for those of you interested in learning more about promoting a most advantageous mindset, do not hesitate to reach out! Success and happiness are not reserved for the lucky but rather to those who are committed to its process.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success!

-Holly-

Prescription For Self-Love

by Holly Boxenhorn | Feb 1, 2020 | Blog

Selfulness

The evidence is clear, research supports our social relationships are the most powerful predictor of happiness. Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, there’s tons of evidence supporting that the common thread amongst “happy” people is that they all have broad social networks and positive relationships with those people in their networks. And to be clear here, we’re not talking about quantity but rather the quality of our social relationships in all areas of our life; work, community, personal, intimate and moreover with ourselves. As without love of self there is no basis to start from, self-love is the pre-condition to loving others. Understandably though for some, the act of practicing self-love can feel initially uncomfortable, and overly self-indulgent but self-love is not to be confused with self-centeredness. Rather self-love is more about thinking about the “me” so that you can build a strong “we”.

I was recently introduced to the word “selfulness”. As you can see it’s a play on words, it’s definition in the urban dictionary is used to describe a person that creates a balance between caring for themselves along with others. With contemporary western culture often plagued by the schism between love of self (egoism or selfishness) and love of others (altruistic or selflessness), the word selfulness I think is a great way to capture a way of being where we extend how we relate to ourselves towards others as well. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it, how can we have loving, positive relationships with others if we don’t practice a healthy relationship with ourselves? A great analogy for this is when we hear the infamous instructions of flight attendants reminding us to first put on our oxygen mask before helping others in case of an emergency landing. Why is this an important rule for ensuring everyone’s survival? Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask. This is a perfect metaphor to consider especially for women as we are notoriously known to put our self-care and needs on the back burner.

Learning to love oneself is a key ingredient to greater happiness. Self-love is at the very core of well-being, joy and empowerment. If we don’t care for ourselves we limit our success in all aspects of our lives; experiencing burnout, fatigue, reduced mental effectiveness, health problems, anxiety, stress, and heightened frustration. It’s time to let go of the guilt and the excuses, put your oxygen mask on first and start practicing a little more self-love in your life.

SELF-LOVE PRACTICES

#1 Recognize Your Own Good Qualities– Many of us have the tendency to focus on what it is that we aren’t enough of. Defaulting to negative self-talk is one of the least loving things you can do for yourself. So today, right now, take a few minutes to make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Think of physical attributes, mental or emotional strengths, successes you’ve experienced, the way you support your friends and family, or anything else. Make your list as long as possible, and keep adding to it. Go to people you trust and ask them what they’d list as your positive characteristics. You may be surprised to find out that people see a lot more of your strengths than you realize.

#2 Treat Yourself With The Same Level Of Kindness & Respect You Do For Others You Love- You know how you treat someone you really care about, the way you love and support that person and treat him or her with kindness and respect? Well, do that for yourself and just as you’d challenge a close friend who’s making bad decisions with his or her life, challenge yourself as well. Remind yourself just as you would a good friend of your worth as an individual and that you deserve great things in your life. Resist the tendency for settling for less, encourage yourself as you would someone you love to challenge yourself to achieve the best life possible.

#3 Give Attention To Your Needs And Desires– This may sound a bit silly, but some people really don’t know what they want and need. They can go through their entire adult lives never stopping to self-assess and check in with how they are truly doing. One of the best ways to love yourself is to carve out some time weekly to answer honestly how you are feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some great questions to consider:

Do you feel significant/loved/respected?
Are you allowing companionship to lift and enlighten your life?
Do you feel in control of how you react to situations in your life?
Are you treating your body well (i.e. sleep, diet, exercise, necessary doc apps, stress management)?
Do you feel a sense of inner-peace and calmness?
Do you have a sense of purpose and appreciation for your place in this world?

Now take it one step further and ask yourself, how can you, at this very moment, take better care of yourself, so that you have more to give instead of less? Remember self-love may start with the “me” but it ends with a “we”. In the spirit of Valentines Day, a holiday many of us designate as time to express love to those near and dear to us, I’m going to ask you do the same for yourself!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

-Holly-

A Secret Elixir

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2019 | Blog

Surprising Benefits Of Finding A Hobby

Want a surefire way to improve the quality of your life, relationships, and mood? Get a hobby. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking as if it’s that simple, how could something so frivolous make that much of a difference? The last thing I need is another commitment. Hobbies are for people who lead quiet, relaxed lives, and have extra time. I get it, between the kids, work, staying on top of household responsibilities, the notion of a finding a hobby can sound like a waste of time. But actually, for those people who lead very full and busy lives, it’s all that more important to find a hobby. Think taking up a hobby is an ineffective, senseless, or self-indulgent way to use your time? Read on to discover the amazing benefits a hobby can have on your life.

Why Get A Hobby?

Relieves Stress & Lessens Negative Self-Talk- First and foremost hobbies relieve stress and clear our minds by keeping us engaged in enjoyable and positive tasks. Taking our attention away from the day-to-day challenges and issues we face.

Enhance Social Connections- Hobbies are something that you can frequently enjoy with other people. Whether you join a club, play in a league, or just come across people with similar interests and mindsets. Moreover, when you take some time to do something enjoyable it lifts our spirits so our current relationships reap the benefits of our improved mood.

Increase Confidence and Self Esteem- Your hobby is going to challenge you in someway, whether mentally or physically. As you overcome these challenges, your confidence will be boosted.

Enrich Who We Are– When people ask you what you do in your free time, hobbies prevent you from standing there and scratching your head in puzzlement. Hobbies give us something to talk about, adding layers to our identity. They give us space to view ourselves differently, exposing us to new ideas and different perspectives.

Promotes Productivity- Hobbies prevent burnout allowing us to take time out for ourselves, bringing us renewed energy and excitement. This will carry over to the rest of our activities whether at work or home. And since most hobbies usually require rearranging of our schedules to fit it in the activity, it forces us to manage our time more wisely and productively.

Don’t even know what pastime would make you happy? Best bet is to start by building on your own interests. Think about what you value most, examine your skills and personality, and pay attention to what excites you. Being outdoors, doing something physical or creative with others or alone. What skills would you like to learn, talents you want to develop, or experiences you crave? Brainstorm some ideas and try out a new activity from your list. Lastly, pay attention to how you feel during the experience and give it at least three to four attempts to get over the beginners’ hurdle. You may not find the right fit for you right away, but the upside is along the way you can have a lot of fun trying new things and exploring what’s out there. This summer take some time to check out a hobby or two, with the season’s warmer temperatures and longer daylight hours, along with for most, more liberties in our schedules makes for a perfect time to take some time enjoying an activity that is not attached to work or other commitments.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Power Of Gratitude

by Holly Boxenhorn | Nov 1, 2018 | Blog

A 21 Day Challenge.

No better time than November to welcome everyone to my 21 Day Gratitude Challenge. Why give thanks? Bottomline, counting our blessings is good for us! Research shows the benefits of practicing gratitude are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. Why 21 days? Because most experts agree that’s what it takes to establish a new habit and for many has proven to be manageable yet life changing. I have found it is through the consistency and accumulation of the practice where people will experience the most profound difference in how they feel and as a result wind up sticking with it well beyond this challenge.

How It Works:

1. Buy a journal, notebook or grab a blank pad, whatever you prefer, and find yourself a pen.

2. Write down a minimum of 3 things each day that you are grateful for. They can be as simple as having a perfectly hot and tasty cup of coffee that morning, a seamless commute into work or getting kids off to school, maybe a great workout or funny text exchange with a good friend that literally had you laughing out loud.

3. Be as specific as possible. Rather then just saying “I am grateful for my job”. State why. For example “I love the people I work with”. Or “I am grateful that my job allows me to have flexible work hours so I can still be available to my children”.

4. Try turning negatives into positives. For example:

• Though today I got stuck waiting over 45 minutes to be seen by my doctor I was able to catch up on my emails.

• Though now with a sprained ankle I can’t work out like I prefer, today I joined that mediative restorative yoga class I’ve been wanting to check out.

5. Shake it up, avoid duplicating your list. Try not to state the same things more than once-this is how you learn to flex your gratitude muscle.

6. Every day, review the list from the day before. And at the end of the week, read them all.

7. Most importantly stay consistent. Establish a routine, decide on a set time of day to reflect and write. If need be, schedule it on your calendar and have your computer/phone send you a reminder for the next 21 days.

My hope will be that once you become oriented toward looking for things to be grateful for, you will find that you begin to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you previously took for granted. Learning that gratitude isn’t just a reaction to getting what we want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where we notice the little things and even the good in unpleasant situations.

Wishing Everyone A Very

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Holly-

Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

How Do You Want To Show Up From This Point On In?

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Prescription For Self-Love

Selfulness

A Secret Elixir

Surprising Benefits Of Finding A Hobby

Power Of Gratitude

A 21 Day Challenge.

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