self-exploration Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

I AM…

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 7, 2023 | Blog

Who Are You? Really…?

Here’s what I know to be true: every woman has wings. But some need help to color them in.

Some are washed out. Some need to color over the lines. Others? A touch of glitter…

Now, some clients, when they come to me, have incredible wings. Their feathers are bright. They sparkle (and they know it!)

BUT… they’ve been clipped. They’re caged, and they’ve lost their voice.

So, what do I mean by all this?

Well, maybe life feels like a sh*tshow right now? Perhaps you woke up this morning and thought:

I’m so done with being someone’s puppet.

I’m f*cking clueless.

I haven’t had my voice for so long.

I have no idea…

What do I really want?

Because here’s the truth: ALL of us, now and then, need help remembering who we are.

Yes, that’s right. I don’t care how beautiful your wings are, or how you got here. Every woman comes to me at a different level—and could benefit from some more color, more life in her wings.

Let’s try it out…

If I asked you ‘who are you?’ I expect your first thought would be to list what you do, or your relationship to other people: i.e. wife or mother, or your job title.

But these are labels defined by society, not the true essence of you.

So, what if you’re reading this and think: ‘Holly, I’ve spent so long looking after everyone else, I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know where to start…’

Well, that’s where the ‘Who Am I?’ exercise comes in.

Its purpose is simple: to understand how your strengths, gifts and values meld to form who you are.

Because here’s the thing: every experience until this point has shaped your perception of the world…

And that’s why midlife is the perfect time to find out what color you want your wings to be—or in other words, who you really are.

So, grab a pen and paper, pour a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and work through the following questions:

Step 1: Identify your key descriptors:

What are the 5-10 most important values in your life?

How would you describe the attributes you most like about yourself?

What do other people admire most about you—and what is the impact you have on them?

Hint: if you can’t objectively see your gifts and strengths, it can help to reach out to up to 5 people in various parts of your life, and ask what they see as your unique qualities, attributes, or characteristics. Ask, why do you mean so much to them? And how do you impact their life?

(This also helps realize your impact, and gives you direction towards ‘who you are.’)

What core beliefs about life serve you best?

What makes you unique, or stand out from others?

What makes you feel most passionate, satisfied, and most fulfilled?

If you had to name one feeling that you would like to have most often, what would that be?

Step 2: Put an X by the 5-10 most important words from the list you made, and convert those 5-10 descriptors to nouns.

(For example, if ‘being healthy’ is one of your key descriptors, convert to ‘health.’ If ‘honest’ is one, convert to ‘honesty.’)

Step 3: Take these nouns and make them into ‘I Am’ statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. You should have at least 5 statements, beginning with ‘I am”. (For the examples above, your statements would be ‘I am Health’ and ‘I am Honesty.’)

Step 4: Rank each order of these statements by numbering them from 1 (as the most powerful) to the least powerful/descriptive of the list.

Record your final ‘I Am’ statements, in rank order below, so you can refer to them later on.

Step 5: Finally, seriously consider all of your final ‘I Am’ statements in relation to how you currently live. And ask yourself:

What adjustments could you make?

How well do you currently bring who you are into everything you do?

Look at the different roles you play in your life. You may be a spouse, a parent, a child, a worker, a sibling, a friend, etc. Which roles do you believe are true to yourself, or where your true self shines? Which roles does your true self hide?

In other words: what color do you want your wings to be?

Or who are you… really?

Holly

P.S. If you enjoyed this exercise, and want to go one step further, grab my 10 Question Toolkit.

It will give you the skillset to not only manage the midlife mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2020 | Blog

How Do You Want To Show Up From This Point On In?

Going back about 11 weeks ago our whole lives were turned upside down. It was on March 22nd when stay-at-home orders went into affect for most of us. No matter who you are, the reality is we all experienced some form of trauma from this massive upheaval in our lives. Even those who were lucky enough not to experience a direct hit like contracting Corona Virus or knowing someone who suffered terribly from it or possibly even lost their lives, still have experienced severe challenges, dividing our lives from what was and now is.

This is the definition of trauma, as it divides life before and after an event, challenging an individuals past ways of understanding the world and their place in it, compromising a feeling of safety. Clearly, I think it’s fair to say there’s not a person in this whole country possibly even world who’s belief system hasn’t been shook to the core in some shape or form.The Corona Virus Pandemic has impacted every aspect of our lives.

Whether you are someone whose ready and eager to move on or feel more like you’ve been hit by a truck and on shaky ground, I do know no matter whatever shape you are in now, everyone can take this crazy time in our lives and still become a better version of themselves. During this “pause” we’ve had the chance to see our strengths as well as our weaknesses. For most, we’ll likely never have an occasion like this in our lives where we can literally wipe the slate clean, take the time to heal old and recent wounds, and reconsider what is truly important to us.

So I want to take this month’s newsletter to encourage everyone NOT to return to their baselines and take this once in a lifetime opportunity to go beyond the status quo and consider new and improved possibilities in their lives. To help everyone get started with this, I want to return back to two most influential, eye-opening exercises I share with clients helping them to gain awareness and understanding to make decisions for themselves that support how they best want to show up.

The first is called the WHEEL OF LIFE. It is one of the most well utilized coaching tools out there providing insight as to where we are at currently in our lives as we cannot move forward accurately if we aren’t aware of what truly requires our attention in our development presently. And since so much has change in our lives most recently, there’s no time like the present to take the time to reassess. The second exercise, DEFINING OUR CORE VALUES, packs a powerful punch and admittedly can take some time to do but well worth the effort. Since life is forever shifting and changing and most of us have never really taken the time to explore what matters most to us, we often unknowingly absorb others agendas and standards, living our lives misaligned with what makes most sense for us to succeed and feel fulfilled.

Both exercises can easily be downloaded on my website under the link VALUABLE DOWNLOADS. You’ll find easy to follow directions but by all means don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or challenges as well as successes, I would love to hear from you!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

A Secret Elixir

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2019 | Blog

Surprising Benefits Of Finding A Hobby

Want a surefire way to improve the quality of your life, relationships, and mood? Get a hobby. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking as if it’s that simple, how could something so frivolous make that much of a difference? The last thing I need is another commitment. Hobbies are for people who lead quiet, relaxed lives, and have extra time. I get it, between the kids, work, staying on top of household responsibilities, the notion of a finding a hobby can sound like a waste of time. But actually, for those people who lead very full and busy lives, it’s all that more important to find a hobby. Think taking up a hobby is an ineffective, senseless, or self-indulgent way to use your time? Read on to discover the amazing benefits a hobby can have on your life.

Why Get A Hobby?

Relieves Stress & Lessens Negative Self-Talk- First and foremost hobbies relieve stress and clear our minds by keeping us engaged in enjoyable and positive tasks. Taking our attention away from the day-to-day challenges and issues we face.

Enhance Social Connections- Hobbies are something that you can frequently enjoy with other people. Whether you join a club, play in a league, or just come across people with similar interests and mindsets. Moreover, when you take some time to do something enjoyable it lifts our spirits so our current relationships reap the benefits of our improved mood.

Increase Confidence and Self Esteem- Your hobby is going to challenge you in someway, whether mentally or physically. As you overcome these challenges, your confidence will be boosted.

Enrich Who We Are– When people ask you what you do in your free time, hobbies prevent you from standing there and scratching your head in puzzlement. Hobbies give us something to talk about, adding layers to our identity. They give us space to view ourselves differently, exposing us to new ideas and different perspectives.

Promotes Productivity- Hobbies prevent burnout allowing us to take time out for ourselves, bringing us renewed energy and excitement. This will carry over to the rest of our activities whether at work or home. And since most hobbies usually require rearranging of our schedules to fit it in the activity, it forces us to manage our time more wisely and productively.

Don’t even know what pastime would make you happy? Best bet is to start by building on your own interests. Think about what you value most, examine your skills and personality, and pay attention to what excites you. Being outdoors, doing something physical or creative with others or alone. What skills would you like to learn, talents you want to develop, or experiences you crave? Brainstorm some ideas and try out a new activity from your list. Lastly, pay attention to how you feel during the experience and give it at least three to four attempts to get over the beginners’ hurdle. You may not find the right fit for you right away, but the upside is along the way you can have a lot of fun trying new things and exploring what’s out there. This summer take some time to check out a hobby or two, with the season’s warmer temperatures and longer daylight hours, along with for most, more liberties in our schedules makes for a perfect time to take some time enjoying an activity that is not attached to work or other commitments.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Coaching vs. Therapy

by Holly Boxenhorn | Oct 8, 2018 | Blog

What’s The Difference?

Having been a practicing psychotherapist for over 10 years I get asked a lot…what’s really the difference between what you do now as a women’s leadership coach opposed to what you did as a therapist? The answer is a lot! Though a big advocate of anything that results in greater self awareness and wellbeing, coaching to me has proven to be a more effective approach to supporting others who are ready to create change. Different then therapy, coaching doesn’t attempt to label someone and have them work well within that label (i.e depressed, anxious) rather it’s a discovery-based process of human potential, taking clients to the highest levels of performance and life satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, as a coach it’s not all “rah-rah sis boom bah”, goal driven work. There is still a ton of powerful emotions expressed, tears and frustrations all show up. Sadness and anxiety are all a part of the coaching experience. As with therapy, delving into the past is a part of the coaching process as well, but more as a means to provide understanding as to what may be holding one back. And let’s face it, creating more of what we want in and for our lives can be scary stuff so naturally we will feel vulnerable. That’s where wearing my therapist hat still comes in handy, I’m super comfortable with the uncomfortable and there’s likely nothing anyone can say that will surprise or unnerve me. But regardless, now as a coach I believe emotions serve more to educate us rather than define us. So my focus is on self-exploration and self-knowledge in order to enhance life satisfaction and performance. Whereas as a therapist my role primarily was to assist clients in feeling less pain through healing emotional wounds or manage a mental health diagnosis.

Now, as a coach I work collaboratively with clients. I don’t assume an authoritative role. Yes, I do educate women on many coaching concepts and tools they likely have never been exposed to. But it is a partnership where we design a program/plan based on each woman’s agenda and desired objectives. Rather then telling clients what they should do, I ask thought provoking questions that provide insights serving as a guide to help simplify how they will chose to move forward personally and/or professionally. My sole purpose is to be a complete objective party, that both challenges and supports clients. For me, it’s no longer about “curing” or “healing” clients but rather advancing their potential.

Bottomline, coaching serves a purpose therapy cannot as therapy serves a purpose coaching will not. One does not replace the other. Certainly, there have been times I have meet with people when I suggest therapy likely being a better fit for them at this time of their lives despite knowing I could easily rely on my 10 plus years as a therapist to work with them. But I firmly believe there shouldn’t be a crossover, there’s a time and a place for each profession. So if you’re trying to figure out which path would be best for you, don’t hesitate to reach out for a quick connect call. No strings attached, I will gladly help you figure that out.