I AM…

I AM…

by | Jun 7, 2023 | Blog

Who Are You? Really…?

Here’s what I know to be true: every woman has wings. But some need help to color them in.

Some are washed out. Some need to color over the lines. Others? A touch of glitter…

Now, some clients, when they come to me, have incredible wings. Their feathers are bright. They sparkle (and they know it!)

BUT… they’ve been clipped. They’re caged, and they’ve lost their voice.

So, what do I mean by all this?

Well, maybe life feels like a sh*tshow right now? Perhaps you woke up this morning and thought:

  • I’m so done with being someone’s puppet.
  • I’m f*cking clueless.
  • I haven’t had my voice for so long. 
  • I have no idea…
  • What do I really want?                                                                                                                                                                   

Because here’s the truth: ALL of us, now and then, need help remembering who we are.

Yes, that’s right. I don’t care how beautiful your wings are, or how you got here. Every woman comes to me at a different level—and could benefit from some more color, more life in her wings.

Let’s try it out… 

If I asked you ‘who are you?’ I expect your first thought would be to list what you do, or your relationship to other people: i.e. wife or mother, or your job title.  

But these are labels defined by society, not the true essence of you. 

So, what if you’re reading this and think: ‘Holly, I’ve spent so long looking after everyone else, I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know where to start…’

Well, that’s where the ‘Who Am I?’ exercise comes in.

Its purpose is simple: to understand how your strengths, gifts and values meld to form who you are.

Because here’s the thing: every experience until this point has shaped your perception of the world…

And that’s why midlife is the perfect time to find out what color you want your wings to be—or in other words, who you really are.

So, grab a pen and paper, pour a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and work through the following questions:

 Step 1: Identify your key descriptors:

  • What are the 5-10 most important values in your life?
  • How would you describe the attributes you most like about yourself?
  • What do other people admire most about you—and what is the impact you have on them? 

Hint: if you can’t objectively see your gifts and strengths, it can help to reach out to up to 5 people in various parts of your life, and ask what they see as your unique qualities, attributes, or characteristics. Ask, why do you mean so much to them? And how do you impact their life?

 (This also helps realize your impact, and gives you direction towards ‘who you are.’)

  • What core beliefs about life serve you best?
  • What makes you unique, or stand out from others?
  • What makes you feel most passionate, satisfied, and most fulfilled?
  • If you had to name one feeling that you would like to have most often, what would that be?

Step 2: Put an X by the 5-10 most important words from the list you made, and convert those 5-10 descriptors to nouns. 

(For example, if ‘being healthy’ is one of your key descriptors, convert to ‘health.’ If ‘honest’ is one, convert to ‘honesty.’)

Step 3: Take these nouns and make them into ‘I Am’ statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. You should have at least 5 statements, beginning with ‘I am”. (For the examples above, your statements would be ‘I am Health’ and ‘I am Honesty.’)

Step 4: Rank each order of these statements by numbering them from 1 (as the most powerful) to the least powerful/descriptive of the list.

Record your final ‘I Am’ statements, in rank order below, so you can refer to them later on.

Step 5: Finally, seriously consider all of your final ‘I Am’ statements in relation to how you currently live. And ask yourself:

What adjustments could you make?

How well do you currently bring who you are into everything you do?

Look at the different roles you play in your life. You may be a spouse, a parent, a child, a worker, a sibling, a friend, etc. Which roles do you believe are true to yourself, or where your true self shines? Which roles does your true self hide?

In other words: what color do you want your wings to be?

Or who are you… really?

XO

Holly

P.S. If you enjoyed this exercise, and want to go one step further, grab my 10 Question Toolkit. 

It will give you the skillset to not only manage the midlife mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Can you? Or can’t you?

    Can you? Or can’t you?

    by | Feb 3, 2022 | Blog

    Achieving Those Goals

    Hey there!

    It’s time to raise a belated glass to that elephant in the room… Goal Setting. 

    Ewww, I know. Love it or hate it — setting goals is an undeniable step to success. 

    Maybe you’re part of the shiny ‘New Year, New Me’ crowd. You’re still hard at the gym. You’re keeping up those dinner dates with girlfriends…

    Perhaps, despite the symbolism of fresh starts and new beginnings, you prefer to eaaase yourself into a new year — mug in hand, lounging in the gorgeous cashmere sweater you finally treated yourself to in January’s sales. Bliss…

    Or maybe you’re one of the 80% of resolution makers petering out as we now move into the first week of February…

    Finding you’re beating yourself up already. (Pah! You know I don’t believe in guilt-trippin’ or shaming. We’re human. I’ve got your back.)

    Last month, I talked through the numero uno secret you need to master in order to go the distance this year. The one thing that’s a game-changer for giving back clarity and making sure we’re firing on optimal levels. Missed it? You can read that post here.

    This month, I’m going one step further. You’ll be leaning into your own energy. Being gentle with yourself. Learning how to trust — and make your internal dialogue work for you when it comes to goal setting.

    So the question is — what are your goals for this year? 

    And more importantly — do you think you can achieve them?

    Because, truth is, there’s scientifically-validated wisdom in Henry Ford’s quip: ‘whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right.’

    Or in other words, on a scale of 1–10, what confidence do you have that you’ve got what it takes to make your goals happen this time…

    And, well — stick?!

    The study of Self-Efficacy (or the Science of Self-Confidence) is SUPER important in this.

    It quite simply translates as: the belief that you can achieve what you set out to achieve.

    And Albert Bandura — one of the most respected psychologists in the world — is one of its biggest proponents.

    Bandura tells us there are 4 primary ways we can build on our own self-efficacy — and finally make our goals stick:

    1. Accomplishments. Specifically, your past successes. When did you last accomplish something that felt difficult — or even impossible? Reminding yourself of big and small wins from the past are HUGE ways to boost your current confidence. 

    Create those wins, celebrate them. Build your self-image as someone who succeeds… And bring those past mastery experiences to mind when you’re facing current challenges.

    1. Social Modeling. Seeing someone else achieve the success YOU would like to achieve. Truth is, if they can do it, you can do it! Know that.

    (Note: Don’t be envious of their success. Celebrate it!)

    1. Verbal Persuasion/Support. When someone tells you that you can achieve success, listen to them. This could be a coach, or supportive co-worker or friend. 

    Better yet, persuade yourself through positive self-talk! Kindly challenge yourself as you would someone near or dear to you. 

    1. Act as if. This is a game-changer (and one I practice time after time). If you want to succeed, act like a successful person! Walk, talk, breathe, and carry yourself as if you’ve already achieved that which you aspire to be. 

    You can read more about this in my past post here.

    Lean into your energy. Listen to your past successes. Visualize your value: allow yourself to celebrate your wins when setting goals — and get ready to triumph.

    Now ladies — strike that power pose and go get ‘em!

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. Before I leave you today, I’d LOVE for you to take a pen and paper and jot down the answers to these 4 questions:

    1. What’s a past success you can celebrate and build on — for future triumph?
    2. Who do you admire — who’s achieved something you’d love to have for yourself? Celebrate them! If they can do it, you can do it.
    3. Who’s your biggest cheerleader? And what supportive words do they share?
    4. When you’re at your best, how do you walk, talk, breathe and hold yourself? 

    P.P.S  So, what are your goals for this year? Shoot me an email here. I’d love to know— and cheer you on as you rock them!   

    And know that whenever you’re in doubt, that’s what I’m here for…

    Setting The Stage For A Great Day

    Setting The Stage For A Great Day

    by | Feb 2, 2021 | Blog

    The Power Of Bookending Your Days

    The number one complaint I hear from women when it comes to taking care of themselves is that there just isn’t enough time. Of course, we have the best of intentions but once the day starts to unfold, taking care of ourselves just gets lost in the shuffle. Well, there’s a solution for that!  

    I think we would all agree that typically we have a greater ability to “control” the earlier and later parts of our day, our am & pm routines. The middle of the day not as much, where people and things we didn’t anticipate come into play. Of course, there are no absolutes but generally speaking we have a heck of a better chance at determining how we want our mornings and evenings to go. Darren Hardy, motivational speaker and author of The Compound Effect refers to this as optimizing the bookends of our days.

    Ideally, I like to use my mornings to exercise but of course there are days my schedule or body is asking for something else. Regardless, whether it’s an hour or 15 minutes, my morning routine hands down includes some form of rejuvenating self-care practice. Most recently, I’ve incorporated a game changing habit called the Three-Minute Morning Mindfulness practice, introduced to me by Pilar Gerasimo author of the Healthy Deviant: A Rule Breaker’s Guide to Being Healthy in an Unhealthy World. The idea behind it is to start your day on your own terms rather than exposing your mind to stressful, distracting thoughts and outside forces. 

    You chose any feel good activity-stretching, meditation/breath exercises, petting your dog, journaling, stepping outside to listen to the birds, or even finding a favorite spot where you can just look out the window and enjoy having a cup of tea/coffee for at least 3 minutes or longer-as long as you find whatever your doing rewarding and doable.

    One caveat though, before and during the Morning Minutes practice, they’ll be no checking into your phone first , or TV, or any other sensory distractions or stressors. Emailing, texts, social media, or news will have to wait. The the whole point of this exercise, is to gradually & peacefully give our body and mind a chance to establish an early state of mindfulness and wellbeing, making it easier to retain and reclaim throughout the day. Part of the morning minutes practice uses the last few moments to set intentions for the day and then visualize how you want it to go or to reflect on the things you are most grateful for. Then close the practice with three deep, energizing breaths before moving on to the active part of your day. You’ll be surprised how just taking 3 minutes to yourself without exposing your mind to any external stressors upon awakening, will markedly make a difference how the rest of your day unfolds. 

    But keep in mind if we want to fall into supportive morning routines, it all starts the night before with a good nights sleep. Evenings are the perfect time to hone in on some self-care practices, to decompress, quiet our minds and prepare our bodies for restorative sleep. Of course that looks different for everybody but research supports shutting down our phones and electronics is key to reducing the blue light stimulation that interferes with restorative sleep.  All the more the reason to get off our devices and use our pm hours towards self-care practices. (i.e. journaling, reading, meditating, taking a bath, connecting with those near & dear, etc…).

    As bookends are used to support a row of books from collapsing, your am and pm routines can have the same capacity to ensure a great day ahead. Use this more “controllable” part of the day to set yourself up for greater success and wellbeing, try optimizing the bookends of your day!

    Wishing You The Best Of Success

    -Holly-

     

    Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

    Avoid Returning Back To Baseline

    by | Jun 1, 2020 | Blog

    How Do You Want To Show Up From This Point On In?

    Going back about 11 weeks ago our whole lives were turned upside down. It was on March 22nd when stay-at-home orders went into affect for most of us. No matter who you are, the reality is we all experienced some form of trauma from this massive upheaval in our lives. Even those who were lucky enough not to experience a direct hit like contracting Corona Virus or knowing someone who suffered terribly from it or possibly even lost their lives, still have experienced severe challenges, dividing our lives from what was and now is.

    This is the definition of trauma, as it divides life before and after an event, challenging an individuals past ways of understanding the world and their place in it, compromising a feeling of safety. Clearly, I think it’s fair to say there’s not a person in this whole country possibly even world who’s belief system hasn’t been shook to the core in some shape or form.The Corona Virus Pandemic has impacted every aspect of our lives. 

    Whether you are someone whose ready and eager to move on or feel more like you’ve been hit by a truck and on shaky ground, I do know no matter whatever shape you are in now, everyone can take this crazy time in our lives and still become a better version of themselves. During this “pause”  we’ve had the chance to see our strengths as well as our weaknesses. For most, we’ll likely never have an occasion like this in our lives where we can literally wipe the slate clean, take the time to heal old and recent wounds, and reconsider what is truly important to us. 

    So I want to take this month’s newsletter to encourage everyone NOT to return to their baselines and take this once in a lifetime opportunity to go beyond the status quo and consider new and improved possibilities in their lives. To help everyone get started with this, I want to return back to two most influential, eye-opening exercises I share with clients helping them to gain awareness and understanding to make decisions for themselves that support how they best want to show up.

    The first is called the WHEEL OF LIFE. It is one of the most well utilized coaching tools out there providing insight as to where we are at currently in our lives as we cannot move forward accurately if we aren’t aware of what truly requires our attention in our development presently. And since so much has change in our lives most recently, there’s no time like the present to take the time to reassess. The second exercise, DEFINING OUR CORE VALUES, packs a powerful punch and admittedly can take some time to do but well worth the effort. Since life is forever shifting and changing and most of us have never really taken the time to explore what matters most to us, we often unknowingly absorb others agendas and standards, living our lives misaligned with what makes most sense for us to succeed and feel fulfilled.

    Both exercises can easily be downloaded on my website under the link VALUABLE DOWNLOADS. You’ll find easy to follow directions but by all means don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or challenges as well as successes, I would love to hear from you!

    Wishing You The Best Of Success

    -Holly-

    2020…Setting The Stage!

    2020…Setting The Stage!

    by | Jan 1, 2020 | Blog

    The Power Of Visualization

    Alright everyone…here we are, HELLO 2020! So what’s it gonna be this year? Though I’m not a big fan of new year resolutions, I am a huge advocate for setting the stage and believe immensely in the power of positive visualization. In fact every morning, upon awakening I take the first 15 minutes of my day to envision the next 24 hours. Literally, going hour by hour, imagining and designing action steps that align with how I want to show up and experience the day. Naturally, some days are harder then others. But the second part of this two step visualization process-designing the action steps of the day-give me the clarity and direction I need to build in the greatest likelihood for success.  Of course, there are plenty of days when I’m feeling more overwhelmed or rather uninspired by what lies ahead. But make no mistake the power of suggestion goes a long way, it is now a well known fact that we stimulate the same brain regions when we visualize an action and when we actually perform that same action. Brain studies have shown that positive mental imagery “primes” our brains for success. 

    On a bigger level, every new year I take pen to paper and return to one of my most trusted practices I learned back in 2010 when I was first just a student at iPEC (Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching) pursuing my coaching certification. It is a visualization exercise in which I imagine it is one year from now (Dec 31, 2020) and what I aspire for is actually occurring. I then proceed to consider all aspects of my life; personal development, career, health/wellness, intimate/social/professional relationships, parenting, fun/enjoyment, even spiritual wellbeing and paint a picture of what I like to see. Essentially, I design a vision that is exciting, purposeful and fulfilling, one that I find inspiring. I ask myself:

    • What am I doing? (In all the above stated aspects of life)
    • With whom am I doing it with?
    • What am I feeling?
    • How much income am I earning?
    • How much fun am I having?
    • What difference am I making, personally and professionally, in the world?

    Ultimately, using this exercise to create a vision of what I aspire to be, feel, and experience in the new coming year. This process, of seeing and even feeling a new improved self in all aspects of my life allows me to then develop life objectives that support this vision, helping me break it all down into specific goals that lead me to my desired destination by years end. This exercise has become one of the most favored amongst my clients, not only promoting clarity in their goal setting but accountability as we use it as a tool to check in with to help them stay on track and develop necessary action plans and task driven work in order they be able to obtain what it is they want in and for their lives.

    The most important thing to remember when doing this exercise is that not everything is written in stone, there needs to be some level of flexibility, however, not at the risk of losing sight of our vision. Remember, there is never an end state to self-development, greater success and happiness is always a work in progress but without a vision it is very hard to find direction. As the most revered book states “Where There Is No Vision The People Perish.” PROVERBS  29:18

    Wishing Everyone A Very Happy New Year

    -Holly-