Worry Much?

Worry Much?

by | Dec 3, 2020 | Blog

How To Shake It Off

Worry is an emotion that we’ve evolved to feel in the face of threat or danger. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s not all our fault, we inherited the genes that predispose us to give special attention to the negative aspects in our lives. Thanks to our ancestors we are all hard wired to experience worry, nervousness, fear, and apprehension. Being highly attuned to worst case scenarios is how, in pre-historic times, humans survived natural threats. In some situations worry isn’t all bad and can actually be beneficial, warning us about something that is valuable and requires our attention. But in many instances, worry is misguided energy, robbing us of greater happiness and success. 

Unless we are under immediate threat, the emotion of worry is useless and counterproductive. It gets in our way to effectively problem solve, limiting our perspective and interfering with our abilities to concentrate and focus on what we can do in the here and now. On top of that statistics prove most of what we worry about never comes to fruition and only saps our motivation and mood. However, being a mother of two, admittedly I can go there with the best of over thinkers and proclaimed worry warts. So for myself as well as for my clients I have done my homework on this relevant topic and have come up with some great strategies and best practices to allay obsessive overthinking in order to redirect negative thoughts into more neutral or optimistic ones. 

How To Shake It Off

#1 Worse Case-Best Case-Most Likely Scenario-If we are going to make a mountain out of a mole hill we might as do it all the way. Here we take the adversity at hand and squeeze out all our worries and Worst Case Scenarios. But then we also make a list of all the Best Case Scenarios that can occur. In both cases, assign a percentage of  likelihood that each scenario listed could occur. Lastly, given the insight we gain we make a final list of Most Likely Case Scenarios along with their percentage of likelihood occurring. This happy medium shifts us to a place of problem solving to then create an action plan based on everything we know to be true right now, restoring rational thinking opposed to catastrophizing.

#2 Distract, distract, distract-The mind cannot hold onto two thoughts at the same time. As simple as it sounds find an activity that is engrossing enough to lessen the pull towards worrisome thoughts. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it absorbs your attention and is satisfying in some shape or form. Whether it’s crossing something off your to do list or enjoying the company of a dear friend.  And for those of you who question this strategy only being a short term solution, understand that any positive emotions you experience during those distracting activities can lift your mood and then open you up to new more objective and positive perspectives. 

#3 Take in the bigger picture-Sometimes we can have the tendency to magnify our concerns. What seems to be so troublesome at the time can be quickly put into perspective when we ask ourselves if what’s preoccupying our mind will matter a year from now or a more extreme version…on your deathbed? If of course you resolve that the challenge you are enduring will indeed matter in a year from now, then it’s time to focus on flexing your resiliency muscles, focusing on lessons we can learn and a growth mindset…psychologist call this post-traumatic growth, vital tools we learn when facing life’s inevitable hardships.

#4 Act to solve problems-Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed about your concerns and unsure what to do, take a small step. For example, research possible new jobs, see a financial adviser, consult a marriage counselor or divorce attorney. Even just writing a list of possible ways to improve a relationship with someone near and dear to you, maybe brainstorming ways to get more recognition at work or address unresolved health concerns. Each small step you take creates a ripple effect, providing wisdom and empowerment.

#5 Designated worry time-As strange as this sounds, set aside 30 minutes in your day to do nothing but worry. Knowing you can create a “container” for your burdensome thoughts can be a great tool to honor the pull towards them yet loosen the grip of obsessive thinking throughout the whole day. Ideally, that 30 minute period should be at a time of the day you are not anxious or sad.

#6 Journaling-Writing out your worries is a way of unburdening yourself of negative thoughts-spilling them out on the page, so to speak-helping you to organize and make sense of your thoughts and observe any patterns that you haven’t perceived before.

#7 Talk to trusted people you respect/admire about your thoughts and worries-A lot of the time getting our worries off our chest can bring immediate reprieve from it’s intensity. Just make sure those you go to for support are objective, have your best interest at heart, come from a place of love, and are not inclined to jump on the negativity band wagon with you.

#8 Breath to release worry-If this is up your alley, learn how to meditate. The skills involved in this relaxation technique can help distance ourselves from consuming thoughts and impart a positive sense of wellbeing. Many people who meditate claim that they find themselves feeling less burdened, worried, and stressed. 

With all this being said, understand worrying is a normal response the brain has developed to keep us safe. While we can’t prevent ourselves from worrying (it’s how we humans are rigged), we can learn how to manage it more effectively so it doesn’t eat away at our greater wellbeing nor take away from our performance on any given day.

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

by | Apr 2, 2020 | Blog

We’re In This Together!

Ok ladies, we are well into this “Corona Virus Pause”, by now most of us have fully transitioned into our new remote living reality. This ain’t no joke, we gotta pull out the big guns and dig deep to start impressing the hell out of ourselves. Pretty much everything that organized our days has changed. There’s already too much out of our control but the truth is it’s not going to last forever. It’s time to start reinventing the wheel. I see we have two choices here- step into our greater power or throw in the towel. How awesome would it be to take this crazy Corona pandemic and use it to our advantage- learning more about ourselves becoming stronger and more resilient then ever? 

Honoring that everyone processes things differently and what serves each person best will vary, I’m taking this month’s blog post to inspire some positive action just to get going on figuring out how we can support ourselves in ways that fuel us, rather than drain, by suggesting taking daily positive action from the below 4 different aspects of our life to earn a minimum of 10 points per day. Here’s the thing though, you must gather at least 2 points in each area. To bring about sustainable wellbeing we need to build our overall resilience by attending to our whole self; body, mind, heart, and spirit. Although focusing on any one of these variables singularly will make a difference, attending to all 4 you will thrive.

“Corona Virus Pause” Challenge

Earn a minimum of 10pts per day with at least 2pts earned from each category

Relationships
Examples: connect with family & friends via phone, facetime, zoom (get creative host a zoom cocktail hour/book club), spend quality time with those living in your home (game/movie night, manicures with daughter, walks with son, etc), date night with significant other (even if that has to be virtually), participate in live interactive webinars, write a letter/send a card to someone near and dear to you, contribute to your community (donate to organizations in need, buy gift certificates from local business’ websites), surprise someone you lost touch with with a “how are you doing text”, etc.

Health
Examples: practice social distancing, exercise in any shape or form (it’s just about moving your body), eat nourishing food (no cookies & crap for one full day), stay hydrated (with water!), take vitamins/supplements, attend to any chronic or temporary illnesses/injuries, encourage a good night sleep,  etc…

Self-Care/Fun & Enjoyment
Examples: journaling, reading fiction for fun, watch a funny show, take a bath, dance, give yourself a manicure/facial, listen to your favorite podcast, meditate, play with your pet, go for a walk/drive alone should you need some space, set new boundaries with kids/spouse so you can have uninterrupted work time, go to bed without your phone, etc..

Personal DevelopmentExamples: knock off any work related project/tasks from your to do list, listen to educational podcasts, participate in on-line educational webinars, learn a new skill, read books/articles that enrich your knowledge & wellbeing, clean out your inbox, organize your space etc…

For those who may feel 10 points may be a lot to aim for, realize you can knock off two points in one action, like taking a walk alone qualifies for both a health point and self care or going with your spouse or child would be relationship building as well as health. Try to be creative, definitely time to start thinking out of the box. Also you’ll be surprised how once you just do one proactive action it improves your mood and then desire to do more. This challenge is not meant to be stressful, that’s the last thing I want to create for anyone. If you’re experiencing something very difficult right now, a recent loss, sick, need more time to process this significant disruption in our lives maybe this is something you can return to when the time is right. This blog post comes from a place of love & support, simply just some food for thought and hopefully inspiration.

We may be down but we are not out! Yes, we are going to have our good days and bad days, hell that might be reduced to hours and there will be moments you’ll see the best of yourself as well as the worst but remember this, there WILL be a vaccine. This WILL end. There are challenges ahead but humans are resilient and positivity is contagious too!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Failing Is The New Black

Failing Is The New Black

by | Nov 1, 2019 | Blog

Learn To Fail Or Fail To Learn

Here I was thinking I had such a catchy title, “Failing Is The New Black”, but when I googled it, literally tons of articles with the same or similar title came up. Thus, my point…failing is in! As much as it hurts to fail, it is an important part of life. In fact, it’s an  absolute must if you want to be successful. Simply said, failure teaches us in ways success cannot. If you’re not failing you’re likely not growing. The time has come to starting failing more!

If you really want to understand what it takes to succeed, bottom-line you need to rethink your relationship with failure and start embracing it more. Because as anyone who’s achieved something great will tell you, the road to success, with very few exceptions, is anything but a straight line. Though we all have been conditioned since a young age to equate failing with weakness there now is another school of thought which teaches that the path to success goes through failure, and that it is almost necessary to stumble and fall on your path to getting what you want. So here are some reasons that you shouldn’t fear failure, but rather embrace it.

1. Failure helps you refine your process -As Thomas Edison said it best, “I have not failed I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Use your failures as stepping-stones to evolve to the next best version of yourself, becoming increasingly more equipped and skilled, so you get it better the next time.

2. Failure makes you resilient -Every time we overcome something that is challenging to us but where we ultimately prevail, we build our resilience a little bit more. As a result we become more strong, increasing our ability to then withstand even greater challenges. 

3. Failure is inevitable, perfection is impossible –If you research the stories of the most successful people of our time, you’ll find they, too, have failed. It was failure that produced the success stories of people like Michael Jordon, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Walt Disney, just to name a few. It’s all apart of the process, no one goes from 0 to 100 overnight.

4. Failure helps you reach your potential – Extraordinary things will only happen as a result of extraordinary efforts. Embracing failure rather than avoiding it creates the conditions we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Otherwise, we will be more inclined to only work within them. To bring out the best in us-reach our greater potential-we must have a “no fear” attitude towards failure, allowing us to detach from the outcomes, knowing regardless of what comes, success is already in the works just by the sheer nature of trying.

Let’s face it, the sweetest victories are the ones that are the most difficult. When things come too easily, we don’t appreciate our achievements. You deserve to be proud of what you’ve done, and unfortunately that pride comes in no small part from the knowledge that you’ve overcome challenges and failures to arrive there. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid of not trying!

Wishing You the Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

Grit Factor

Grit Factor

by | Apr 1, 2018 | Blog

The Secret Ingredient

April 2018 Insight

As I have shared over the years, there are “key” components and elements that I have come to learn, not only professionally but personally, that undoubtably lead women to greater success and fulfillment in there lives. But when asked the other day by my 15 year old daughter… “if you had to pick one of the most valuable tools and/or strategies you could offer to one of your clients what would that be?” Without hesitation I responded, the cultivation of resilience. AKA perseverance, tenacity, or as I like to call it the grit factor. (more…)