proactive Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

by Holly Boxenhorn | Apr 2, 2020 | Blog

We’re In This Together!

Ok ladies, we are well into this “Corona Virus Pause”, by now most of us have fully transitioned into our new remote living reality. This ain’t no joke, we gotta pull out the big guns and dig deep to start impressing the hell out of ourselves. Pretty much everything that organized our days has changed. There’s already too much out of our control but the truth is it’s not going to last forever. It’s time to start reinventing the wheel. I see we have two choices here- step into our greater power or throw in the towel. How awesome would it be to take this crazy Corona pandemic and use it to our advantage- learning more about ourselves becoming stronger and more resilient then ever?

Honoring that everyone processes things differently and what serves each person best will vary, I’m taking this month’s blog post to inspire some positive action just to get going on figuring out how we can support ourselves in ways that fuel us, rather than drain, by suggesting taking daily positive action from the below 4 different aspects of our life to earn a minimum of 10 points per day. Here’s the thing though, you must gather at least 2 points in each area. To bring about sustainable wellbeing we need to build our overall resilience by attending to our whole self; body, mind, heart, and spirit. Although focusing on any one of these variables singularly will make a difference, attending to all 4 you will thrive.

“Corona Virus Pause” Challenge

Earn a minimum of 10pts per day with at least 2pts earned from each category

Relationships
Examples: connect with family & friends via phone, facetime, zoom (get creative host a zoom cocktail hour/book club), spend quality time with those living in your home (game/movie night, manicures with daughter, walks with son, etc), date night with significant other (even if that has to be virtually), participate in live interactive webinars, write a letter/send a card to someone near and dear to you, contribute to your community (donate to organizations in need, buy gift certificates from local business’ websites), surprise someone you lost touch with with a “how are you doing text”, etc.

Health
Examples: practice social distancing, exercise in any shape or form (it’s just about moving your body), eat nourishing food (no cookies & crap for one full day), stay hydrated (with water!), take vitamins/supplements, attend to any chronic or temporary illnesses/injuries, encourage a good night sleep, etc…

Self-Care/Fun & Enjoyment
Examples: journaling, reading fiction for fun, watch a funny show, take a bath, dance, give yourself a manicure/facial, listen to your favorite podcast, meditate, play with your pet, go for a walk/drive alone should you need some space, set new boundaries with kids/spouse so you can have uninterrupted work time, go to bed without your phone, etc..

Personal DevelopmentExamples: knock off any work related project/tasks from your to do list, listen to educational podcasts, participate in on-line educational webinars, learn a new skill, read books/articles that enrich your knowledge & wellbeing, clean out your inbox, organize your space etc…

For those who may feel 10 points may be a lot to aim for, realize you can knock off two points in one action, like taking a walk alone qualifies for both a health point and self care or going with your spouse or child would be relationship building as well as health. Try to be creative, definitely time to start thinking out of the box. Also you’ll be surprised how once you just do one proactive action it improves your mood and then desire to do more. This challenge is not meant to be stressful, that’s the last thing I want to create for anyone. If you’re experiencing something very difficult right now, a recent loss, sick, need more time to process this significant disruption in our lives maybe this is something you can return to when the time is right. This blog post comes from a place of love & support, simply just some food for thought and hopefully inspiration.

We may be down but we are not out! Yes, we are going to have our good days and bad days, hell that might be reduced to hours and there will be moments you’ll see the best of yourself as well as the worst but remember this, there WILL be a vaccine. This WILL end. There are challenges ahead but humans are resilient and positivity is contagious too!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

by Holly Boxenhorn | Mar 1, 2020 | Blog

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Lasts month’s blog post I shared the number one predictor of happiness…the quality of our social relationships. Positive relationships, ones that inspire, support, and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves proves to be the most significant factor that keeps us happier and yes even healthier. So what’s the second most powerful predictor of happiness… anyone care to guess? Well, research proves it’s a matter of one’s “interpretation style” (hopeful vs.hopeless). In other words, those people who experience greater happiness are those who understand that their feelings/emotions are not permanent nor pervasive rather specific to an experience and only temporary. I’ve written on this topic in some shape or form in past blog posts, emotions are not directives, they are merely just data. While feeling sad, angry, fearful, frustrated, etc is inarguably uncomfortable and unpleasant to say the least, they too are just as much apart of the human experience as joy, peace, love, pride, satisfaction, enthusiasm, etc. Happy people give themselves permission to be human and cultivate a way of life (aka an interpretation style) that helps restore wellbeing when challenged and delight in moments of happiness.

So with all that being said how does one cultivate an “interpretation style” that is more opportunistic and optimistic rather then pessimistic and disadvantageous. Truth to be told, the list is endless but for the sake of this blog post I want to highlight 3 key practices I share with clients and personally use to embrace a more straightforward approach to fostering an inspiring “interpretation style”.

How to Guide on Cultivating a Hopeful Interpretation Style:

Step 1: Practice Acceptance – Don’t fall into the trap of the Great Deception, that is, a happy life is a life devoid of unpleasant feelings. Contrary to popular belief, happiness is not an absence of problems/challenges, that just doesn’t exist for anyone. No one is excused from life’s ups and downs. First and foremost, we must give ourselves the permission to be human and avoid judging, fighting, and sugar-coating any uncomfortable emotions we may be feeling. Understand, permitting ourselves to be human is not about resignation but rather active acceptance where we can step back, sit in the discomfort of unpleasant feelings in order to educate ourselves how to best move forward in the most appropriate, proactive, and supportive way.

Step 2: Evaluate – What can be contributing to the way we are feeling? Is it something related to a physical component of our lives like lack of sleep, nutrition, exercise, a chronic or temporary health condition? Possibly relationally related, maybe you’re not feeling connected to those near and dear to you? Or are you feeling dissatisfied with your development, personally and/or professionally? What may you be magnifying, getting stuck on and not seeing the bigger picture of, or possibly misinterpreting.

Step 3: Restore Rational Thinking – Study after study has proven that our thoughts determine how we feel which then in turn impacts how we behave. Having “go to” practices and strategies to help us cope and recover in challenging times promotes an “interpretation style” that is supportive. Now, this is where it becomes highly personal but based on the insights we get from step #2 along with appropriate expression of feelings, establishing a best way to recover from challenging experiences so we can restore rational thinking will organically happen. This may include anything from getting feedback from others, reframing the situation to see it in a more positive light, mediating/journaling/exercising to help decompress and gain perspective, identifying three things in your day you are grateful for to shift mindset away from the negativity bias, embracing failure so we can get back on the horse (so to say) and realign with what we want in and for our lives, or even simply getting outside and connecting with nature can be just enough for many to boost their moods promoting a more solution based mindset.

This list can go on and on and for those of you interested in learning more about promoting a most advantageous mindset, do not hesitate to reach out! Success and happiness are not reserved for the lucky but rather to those who are committed to its process.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success!

-Holly-

Where And Who You Are Now

by Holly Boxenhorn | Dec 1, 2019 | Blog

The Power In Acceptance

For many, December is a month of reflection. As we end the year and begin to contemplate new year resolutions, it’s a perfect time to surrender to the discipline of acceptance. Without acceptance we are only fighting or denying what is, making it almost impossible to behave proactively and move forward to create the change we seek in the coming year.

It’s important not to confuse acceptance with resignation. Resignation is an act of giving up of our control, quitting, or succumbing to less than desirable outcomes. Whereas acceptance is more about gaining control and increasing the likelihood for more optimal results through embracing what actually is, in order to better assist ourselves with the understanding of what really needs to be addressed.

So before we can create the change we desire for the coming year we must first accept where we are now. Grab some paper and pen and start considering how you spent this past year, what did you accomplish that you are proud of and where may have you fallen short. Let’s explore the highs and lows, celebrations and shortcomings to find the lessons to be learned from all our experiences, positive and negative and move forward with a renewed conviction in this new coming year.

Ask Yourself:

What were the most significant events (good or ugly) of the year past? (List the top 3)
What did you accomplish? (List wins and achievements)
What were your disappointments? ( Regarding yourself )
What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc)
What would you do differently? Why?
What do you feel especially good about? What was your greatest contribution?
What were the fun things you did? What were the not-so-fun?
How are you different this year than last?

Let these reflections inform your plans for the new year. Say good-bye to 2019. Give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought and welcome in 2020 with your eyes wide open and ready to move forward!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-Holly-

Could You Spare 15 Minutes To Improve Your Life?

by Holly Boxenhorn | Aug 1, 2019 | Blog

The Value Of Keeping A Journal

Daily journaling — either on paper or a computer screen — has the power to make a real difference in ones life. Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful tool for solving problems, relieving stress and locking in greater success and happiness. Though I know the idea of adding one more thing to your daily routine feels daunting, this is one task everyone owes to themselves to seriously commit to. The benefits are endless, just read on to see why.

Journaling….

Accelerates Abilities To Manifest Our Goals-consider building a house without a blueprint. Once words and images hit paper, thoughts or ideas will crystallize. We not only use pen to paper to strategize action steps required to create what we want but it also signals to our brains that this is important becoming forged into our subconscious mind. Your reticular activating system (RAS) then flags relevant opportunities and tools to achieve those goals (NLP Institute of California 2017 study).
Enhances Our Emotional Intelligence-emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage our emotions, and that of others.Your journal has the potential to be both a “therapist” and a dear friend who listens without judging or interrupting and is open 24 hours a day. By serving as an outlet to process emotions, writing our thoughts and feelings down allows for a release and greater self-awareness. In turn we become more understanding of the range of emotions humans experience, encouraging us to be more empathetic with others.
Sparks Creativity and Inspiration-your journal is a place to write down anything that comes to mind. The crazier the idea, the better. Let your imagination wander to the farthest parts of your mind. The more you practice experimenting with possibilities and opportunities, the more inspiration you will find.
Solve problems more effectively-typically we problem solve from a left-brained, analytical perspective. But sometimes the answer can only be found by engaging right-brained creativity and intuition. Writing unlocks these other capabilities, and affords the opportunity for unexpected solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems.
Boosts Memory and Comprehension-the composition of thoughts and ideas causes the mind to compose or re-compose these ideas while journaling. In other words, when your hand engages in writing, your brain engages in cognitive recall. Your learning ability is strengthened and your memory improved.
Promotes healing-expressive writing has been linked to improved immune function, lower anxiety and stress levels, and better sleep. Dr. James Pennebaker, author of Writing to Heal explains “when we translate an experience into language we essentially make the experience graspable.” And in doing so, we free ourselves from the web of confusion that so often keeps us emotionally and psychologically bound to any trauma, drama, disappointment, regret, or long-held belief.
Supports Self Confidence-journaling about positive experiences allows your brain to relive it. And reaffirms your abilities when the ugly head of self-doubt appears. Keeping a journal becomes a story upon which you can reflect; it is not only a place to dump our inner thoughts and feelings but a catalog of personal achievements, positive experiences, triumphs over negative experiences, and a testament to how far you’ve come.
Stimulates Self Discipline, Productivity, & Accountability-committing to daily journal writing is an act of discipline. Like with everything else, consistency and repetition breeds success. And good habits formed in one area of our lives have a tendency to have a ripple effect on others. Additionally, as we script our journey, we can find accountability and likely heighten our levels of productivity. Knowing that at the end of the day (or beginning) you will be sitting down to reflect on thoughts, desires, and challenges will assuredly serve as a daily reminder and motivator to get busy living life with greater purpose.

And the benefits of journal writing don’t stop there. For me, I also found that writing in a journal daily has vastly improved my relationships both within my personal and professional life. By writing down my thoughts and experiences as well as progress towards desired outcomes I simply just have become that much more present and engaged in my life. Discover for yourself the benefits of journal writing, it doesn’t have to be a big orchestrated event, start today jotting down what went well and what didn’t. From there feelings and emotions will be expressed and goals revealed. Love to hear your discoveries!

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

You Are Not Alone

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jul 1, 2019 | Blog

The Negativity Bias

Like it or not we all have a negativity bias. You’re not the only one focusing on what can go wrong verses what can go right when presented with a new opportunity. Or fixating on that one bit of critical feedback amongst all the positive received. We’ve all been there before, dwelling on a mishap, argument, an error we made despite having otherwise a seemingly good day.

Thanks to our ancestors, we are all hard wired to give greater weight to our negative experiences instead of positive. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s not all our fault, we inherited the genes that predispose us to give special attention to the negative aspects in our lives. Being highly attuned to worst case scenarios is how, in pre-historic times, humans survived natural threats. But let’s face it, the chances of us running into a saber-tooth tiger on the way home from work nowadays is highly unlikely, the time has come to break free from this limiting human default robbing us of greater happiness and success.

Studies prove we can retrain our brains

Here’s how we begin defeating the negativity bias….

1.Awareness- Just by simply being mindful of the degree to which our brain is inclined to focus on the negative aspects of things is the first step. Becoming aware of our negative self-talk and thoughts allows us to separate ourselves from them, to challenge and even eliminate them.

2. Relish Positive Experiences- Researchers have learned that negative experiences are perceived more easily and quickly into our long term memory. Whereas, the positive require a dozen or more seconds to be held in our awareness before it transferred from short term to long-term memory. Taking the time to relish in those good things that happened throughout our day reinforces positive patterns in our brain. Our brain then learns from these experiences, building new neural pathways, researchers call neuroplasticity, helping keep our brains attuned to positivity.

3. Crowd Out Negative Thoughts- Do whatever it takes, have an arsenal of go to practices to drown out the negativity. Here’s just a few I use daily…positive mantras affirmations, and quotes, gratitude journal, mediation, be more selective when I listen to the news, workout (kicks up those endorphins), practice the skill of reframing challenges and negative self-talk, seek a glass is half full mentality, surround myself with positive people, get outside as much as possible, build in simple pleasures throughout my the day like nuzzling with my dog, eating a favorite food, getting a manicure, watching a funny, feel good show that makes me laugh or warms my heart. Of course, it’s going to vary for everyone but the objective here is lessen the pull towards the negativity bias in order to gradually rewire our brains for happiness.

As they say in the neuropsychology field “neurons that fire together wire together”, each time we consciously decide to take in the good will make a difference and over time these little differences will add up retraining our brains to embrace positivity and overcome the negativity bias.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Let’s Start Kicking Some Corona Virus Ass

We’re In This Together!

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Where And Who You Are Now

The Power In Acceptance

Could You Spare 15 Minutes To Improve Your Life?

The Value Of Keeping A Journal

You Are Not Alone

The Negativity Bias

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