Midlife Game Changing Habits

Midlife Game Changing Habits

by | May 1, 2022 | Blog

Top Five Strategies You Need To Know 

‘Holly, do you have any big strategies to navigate midlife? 

‘Y’know, the surefire, game-changing, non-negotiables that mean you’re always so on point?’

Whoa. Now, there’s a question…

And it’s probably the one I’m asked most — on the pickleball court, out to dinner with friends, by clients and colleagues…

First — let’s get one thing straight, I am most definitely NOT ‘so on point…’ (!)

Hey, I may be a Midlife Transition Coach, but I worry about my turkey neck as much as the next woman! I’m struggling to sleep through the night. Trying to figure out how to empty nest… gracefully.

I too, question those goals I held for SO long, that sometimes feel flat and uninspiring… 

Sure! We’re a boat load wiser. But if you find yourself wandering into the bedroom, forgetting why you’re there — and instead your thoughts turn to:

>> Who the heck am I?

>> What’s next?

>> And how the hell do I begin to figure all this out?

Then you need…

The Top 5 Strategies To Thrive In Midlife Right Now 

Yeah, that’s right: these are the non-negotiable, instrumental habits you need to adhere to IMMEDIATELY…

No joke.

Because ladies, I believe — no, I know — these habits are SO powerful, you’ll finally find your groove…  and forge your path towards a fuller, happier, more meaningful life. 

(And hey, it’s what you’ve been asking for!)

Because honestly? Let’s just not age gracefully. Let’s age powerfully…

And dive right in!

  1. Keep Your Attitude in Check
    Even I find myself slipping into silly comments like: ’… well, I am an old lady.’ But, the more we indulge in that language, the more we give it mileage — the harder we’re making it for ourselves to switch gear and age optimally. 

Energy attracts like energy.

The truth is, we’re living longer fuller lives than ever before. There are inspiring women out there absolutely killing it in midlife, knocking it outta the park! So, instead of  indulging in negative language, flip the script to stories of strong, vibrant, engaging older women…

And surround yourself with as much knowledge and education to live your life more powerfully.

Check out this podcast: Radically Reframing Aging, and hear Maria Shriver discuss how we can all live our healthiest, most joyful lives as we grow older.

  1. Embrace The Now
    (Or, in short — if not now, when?)

If there’s one thing the pandemic taught us, it’s not to hang around. I’ve worked with so many women who have had the rug pulled out from under them — diagnosed suddenly with breast cancer, diabetes, or their husbands get sick…

You might remember last year my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s brutal. And I don’t know how long it’s gonna last…

But I can’t live in a state of inertia thinking ‘once she has full time help’ or ‘once she’s in assisted living, well, then I can focus on xyz.’ I can’t wait, and I can’t put things off. I have to honor the fact it’s all consuming, accept it, yet still move forward.

If we don’t start rockin’ and rolling now, then when will we?

  1. Treat Life As An Experiment
    It’s easy to get stuck in a rut — what we eat, how we exercise, even the makeup we use! (Am I right?) But our bodies have changed, our metabolism’s not so fired up, and chances are what worked in our 20s or 30s just ain’t gonna cut it. 

It’s time to shake things up…

You have GOT to have an experimental mindset.

For example, I just don’t have the stamina that I used to. Honestly, the sh*t I could get done in a day… I’d whizz my daughter to dance class, get to the shops, see clients. Now? I just want to chill a little bit.

So, I’ve switched up my day. I do deep work in the morning. And at 3, 4pm, I honor my need to rest. I’ll take the dogs for a walk, meditate, connect with a friend for coffee. And maybe then when I’ve done those things to nourish my soul — I’ll see an evening client.

Try some new things on for size –experiment– not every action you take will be a home run but wisdom gained revealing what feels right, purposeful and fulfilling to you.

  1. Rewire Your Inner Dialogue
    Let’s cut to the chase here. You’ve already spent half your life beating yourself up, telling yourself you aren’t enough. Do you really wanna be 80 — and still judging yourself? 

Or, looking back on your life wishing you’d been more present with your children, partner… but you were just too damn wrapped up and consumed by your own thoughts?

Y’know, I’m just so done with it…

Ladies, it’s time to let go of those old stories holding you back. Next time you hear that inner critic tell you you’re ‘less than’ say to yourself: ‘I’ve got this. I’m committed to my growth.’ Or ‘I’m discovering day-by-day what my goals and priorities are.’

… And shut down that negative talk in its tracks.

  1. Cultivate Connection
    Most research will say, the number 1 predictor of happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Take this from an introvert! (Or rather a social introvert — I love people, but can handle them better in smaller groups…) 😉

But, that being said…

Here, we’re talking positive relationships. The ones that inspire, support, and challenge us. A diverse network — whether that’s seeing your best friend for lunch, or clicking with a virtual Mastermind group. Connecting with your sister, or a work colleague living overseas…

These things keep us sharp, our wellbeing intact. They light us up.

Because the truth is, the struggle is real. Midlife is tough. There’s no denying it. But I know with my whole being, that if you can adapt your habits and mindset to embrace these changes — you will reap the difference in your life…

And glide into the next phase, with power, purpose and meaning. On your terms. 

XO

Holly

P.S. Tell me, what are your top strategies for dealing with the chaos of midlife? Which older women truly inspire you? Comment below (or drop me an email) I’d absolutely love to know! 

Reminder!

Reminder!

by | May 1, 2021 | Blog

The Key To Creating Positive Lasting Change

It’s no mystery that the things we repeatedly do are the things our brain and mind will continue to support and encourage. The more something is rehearsed or practiced, the stronger our neural connections will then become making positive behaviors more habitual in nature. Positive lasting change will occur within in our brains and then within our lives with consistent and intentional action steps that promote an optimal state of being. With all that being said, knowing this and actually doing this are two very different things. With our very busy and distracting lives; cultivating habits, thoughts, and behaviors that support our greater wellbeing, won’t come instinctually.

Let’s face it, in this fast paced world, if it’s not right in front of us, it’s likely not going to happen…thus why many of us rely on “to do” lists to remind us of where our attention needs to be. The same holds true with building in productive habits that aid our pursuit of greater happiness and success. If we want to instill more proactive behaviors we need to remind ourselves to do whatever it is we’re trying to align with until we become accustomed to it. Daily reminders are essential when it comes to creating the positive change we desire. They’re relatively simple to understand, fairly easy to implement, and the benefits from using them are almost immediate. Here are a few great ways to get started…. 

 5 Simple Ways To Use Reminders  

1.Technological Reminders– Here’s where the distraction of technology works for us rather than against. Computers and our mobile phones make it possible to set up automatic reminders for just about anything. Desktop software like Outlook will pop up reminders on our computers, and most online services go an extra step and send reminders via email or SMS text message. Even just using the alarm on our mobile phones can be a great way to help us stop, hit pause for 10 minutes and attend to some rejuvenating self-care practices to infuse our energy, helping us to go the distance the rest of the day. Maybe some deep breathing exercises, a short meditation, taking some time to call someone near and dear to us, or possibly stepping outside to connect with nature, stretch our legs and walk around bit…all great habits that support greater wellbeing.

2.Tangible Reminders– The best reminders are related in some way to the behavior you want to produce and can take the form of a quote on the wall, a picture, a photograph, a work of art, powerful words or mantras placed on a post it. Or even a special bracelet or piece of jewelry that catches your attention and reminds you to be mindful of the positive behavior you want to produce.

3.Daily “To Be” Reminders– Are a record of those things that you would like to be reminded of on a daily basis, the values that you want to internalize and live by each day of your life. By using “Ideal Self Statements” (i.e I am calm and present in the here and now, I embrace a growth mindset” ) that capture the attitudes and behaviors that are first, most important to you personally and, second, that you want to be reminded of. Your “To Be” List so to say rather then to do list.  It’s suggested to come up with at least 3 and no more than 5 along with starting with 3 deep breaths before reading each out loud to yourself daily.

4. Specific Reminders-focus on a particular aspect of life that you want to work on and improve—a challenge you’re facing or an area where you want to grow. Start by writing down a single sentence that captures whatever it is that you want to work on. The sentence, ideally, should be stated positively, in present tense, and inspire a sense of purpose (i.e. I am a confident and authentic public speaker). Then elaborate in three or four sentences what that single sentence means to you. Spend a few minutes each day to go over your Specific Reminder, read it closely and deliberately at least once through, and then if you feel the need to do so, modify and refine the text.

5. Mini Reminders-is a sequence of words (i.e.calm, confident, authentic) that embody how you want to feel most times. The words may draw from your Daily Reminders, Specific Reminders, or from anywhere else. Place them anywhere and everywhere that catches your eye. I keep a post it note of Mini Reminders on my car dashboard, desk, and night table. Every time I see them I take a deep breath and read them aloud.

Reminders have the power to positively transform our lives for the better. Studies have proven environmental and physical cues we pick up daily affect us more than we realize, triggering habits and thoughts that then begin to feel natural to us. Why leave our most important priorities to chance…check out this month’s 5 simple ways to use reminders  to promote more of what you want in and for your life.

 

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success  

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Worry Much?

Worry Much?

by | Dec 3, 2020 | Blog

How To Shake It Off

Worry is an emotion that we’ve evolved to feel in the face of threat or danger. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s not all our fault, we inherited the genes that predispose us to give special attention to the negative aspects in our lives. Thanks to our ancestors we are all hard wired to experience worry, nervousness, fear, and apprehension. Being highly attuned to worst case scenarios is how, in pre-historic times, humans survived natural threats. In some situations worry isn’t all bad and can actually be beneficial, warning us about something that is valuable and requires our attention. But in many instances, worry is misguided energy, robbing us of greater happiness and success. 

Unless we are under immediate threat, the emotion of worry is useless and counterproductive. It gets in our way to effectively problem solve, limiting our perspective and interfering with our abilities to concentrate and focus on what we can do in the here and now. On top of that statistics prove most of what we worry about never comes to fruition and only saps our motivation and mood. However, being a mother of two, admittedly I can go there with the best of over thinkers and proclaimed worry warts. So for myself as well as for my clients I have done my homework on this relevant topic and have come up with some great strategies and best practices to allay obsessive overthinking in order to redirect negative thoughts into more neutral or optimistic ones. 

How To Shake It Off

#1 Worse Case-Best Case-Most Likely Scenario-If we are going to make a mountain out of a mole hill we might as do it all the way. Here we take the adversity at hand and squeeze out all our worries and Worst Case Scenarios. But then we also make a list of all the Best Case Scenarios that can occur. In both cases, assign a percentage of  likelihood that each scenario listed could occur. Lastly, given the insight we gain we make a final list of Most Likely Case Scenarios along with their percentage of likelihood occurring. This happy medium shifts us to a place of problem solving to then create an action plan based on everything we know to be true right now, restoring rational thinking opposed to catastrophizing.

#2 Distract, distract, distract-The mind cannot hold onto two thoughts at the same time. As simple as it sounds find an activity that is engrossing enough to lessen the pull towards worrisome thoughts. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it absorbs your attention and is satisfying in some shape or form. Whether it’s crossing something off your to do list or enjoying the company of a dear friend.  And for those of you who question this strategy only being a short term solution, understand that any positive emotions you experience during those distracting activities can lift your mood and then open you up to new more objective and positive perspectives. 

#3 Take in the bigger picture-Sometimes we can have the tendency to magnify our concerns. What seems to be so troublesome at the time can be quickly put into perspective when we ask ourselves if what’s preoccupying our mind will matter a year from now or a more extreme version…on your deathbed? If of course you resolve that the challenge you are enduring will indeed matter in a year from now, then it’s time to focus on flexing your resiliency muscles, focusing on lessons we can learn and a growth mindset…psychologist call this post-traumatic growth, vital tools we learn when facing life’s inevitable hardships.

#4 Act to solve problems-Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed about your concerns and unsure what to do, take a small step. For example, research possible new jobs, see a financial adviser, consult a marriage counselor or divorce attorney. Even just writing a list of possible ways to improve a relationship with someone near and dear to you, maybe brainstorming ways to get more recognition at work or address unresolved health concerns. Each small step you take creates a ripple effect, providing wisdom and empowerment.

#5 Designated worry time-As strange as this sounds, set aside 30 minutes in your day to do nothing but worry. Knowing you can create a “container” for your burdensome thoughts can be a great tool to honor the pull towards them yet loosen the grip of obsessive thinking throughout the whole day. Ideally, that 30 minute period should be at a time of the day you are not anxious or sad.

#6 Journaling-Writing out your worries is a way of unburdening yourself of negative thoughts-spilling them out on the page, so to speak-helping you to organize and make sense of your thoughts and observe any patterns that you haven’t perceived before.

#7 Talk to trusted people you respect/admire about your thoughts and worries-A lot of the time getting our worries off our chest can bring immediate reprieve from it’s intensity. Just make sure those you go to for support are objective, have your best interest at heart, come from a place of love, and are not inclined to jump on the negativity band wagon with you.

#8 Breath to release worry-If this is up your alley, learn how to meditate. The skills involved in this relaxation technique can help distance ourselves from consuming thoughts and impart a positive sense of wellbeing. Many people who meditate claim that they find themselves feeling less burdened, worried, and stressed. 

With all this being said, understand worrying is a normal response the brain has developed to keep us safe. While we can’t prevent ourselves from worrying (it’s how we humans are rigged), we can learn how to manage it more effectively so it doesn’t eat away at our greater wellbeing nor take away from our performance on any given day.

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fake It Till We Make It??

Fake It Till We Make It??

by | Oct 1, 2020 | Blog

The Science Behind “Acting As If”

Not to be confused with being disingenuous or sweeping our feelings under the rug…the popular expression “Fake It Till You Make” can actually be a valuable coping tool when the going gets tough. As hard as this is to believe, there is plenty of science proving we can actually trick ourselves into becoming more successful, increase our happiness, and become more confident. Researchers have found that “acting” a certain way allows our brains to “rehearse” a new way of thinking and can set off a favorable chain of events. So the next time you find yourself second guessing taking on that demanding work assignment, nervous about initiating a social gathering, unenthused about your evening plans, or simply feeling gloomy and uninspired, check out these go to practices to manage the challenge at hand.

 

  1.  Smile– Literally say CHEEESEE, force a smile. Evidence suggests your face, sends signals to your brain, informing it that you are experiencing a particular emotion and leading you to believe it. Smiling can trick the body into helping you elevate your mood because the physical act of smiling actually activates neural messaging in your brain. A simple smile can trigger the release of neural communication boosting neuropeptides as well as mood-boosting neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. It’s hard to argue with the expression…when you smile the whole wold smiles with you- smiling is contagious, starting a friendship, dissolving arguments, and spreading positivity.  

2. Strike a powerful pose– When we are feeling powerless, ineffective or unsure of ourselves, we tend to make our bodies as small as possible. We hunch our shoulders, cross our legs, bow our heads and use self-protective gestures. Conversely, when we feel powerful and dominant, our bodies tend to adopt an expansive pose. We spread our arms, sit or stand straight and widen the position of our arms and legs.   

Well known Harvard Business School social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, shared her findings  how adopting a powerful posture can affect our body chemistry. In her study, she had subjects adopt either a power stance—with their chest and head lifted and arms propped on their hips—or a meeker pose—hunched over with their arms crossed—for two minutes. The people who maintained power poses showed a decrease in the stress hormone cortisol and an increase in testosterone, a hormone related to dominance and confidence. These changes in hormone levels appear to positively influence a person’s behaviors – increasing confidence and performance in situations that are stressful or uncomfortable. 

Making power posing an integral part of our preparation for the important events of our life may actually help us achieve more. When we feel confident and powerful, we are more able to express ourselves and influence others. Using power posing may just give us that little extra edge we need. 

3. Act as if-Want to be more confident, optimistic, sociable, calm, healthy or fit,…act as if. When we act as if, we put into place those practices that support desirable states of being. It is through this practice, repetition of action steps, that then allows us to become more of what we want to be. So start aligning, spring into action-circulate at work events, dance at a party, feed your body as healthy person feeds herself, dress the part, embody calm and act confidently. Just start doing it! The more we rehearse something the better we will become at it and then the more natural it will feel.

 As anyone who knows me well will tell you, I’d never advocate being inauthentic or phony, nor lye to others about our competencies. “Acting As If” only works when we correctly identify something within ourselves that’s holding us back. It is both a mindset and action oriented tool assisting us in creating more of what we want in and for our lives, not meant to be a substitute for obtaining the knowledge and support we need to become a better version of ourselves.  

Wishing You Alway The Best Of Success 

-Holly-

 

 

Happiness Simplified

Happiness Simplified

by | Aug 1, 2020 | Blog

Discover The Four Pillars To Wellbeing

Plan and simple, happiness is not a goal to be achieved rather it comes as a result of engaging in multiple, varied things that are meaningful and bring pleasure as a side-effect. Yet many of us tend to focus on snapshots of isolated parts of our lives and buy into the belief that if we can just find that perfect job, relationship, diet/fitness routine, this thing we call life will be a cinch to live. However, study after studies show that despite people initially experiencing a spike in their levels of wellness after obtaining things like financial prosperity, professional /educational achievements, loving relationships, or improved health-with time inevitably fall back to their original happiness baselines. And in some cases, people can even fall below their baselines feeling more defeated. Understandably, it can be disheartening to discover after working really hard and checking all the boxes to attain all those things believed would guarantee happiness is only fleeting. 

Truth is, safe guarding our level of fulfillment in one aspect of our lives will not secure our happiness nor prevent us from experiencing human highs and lows. To bring about sustainable wellbeing we need to build our overall resilience by attending to our whole self; body, mind, heart, and spirit. Sure, focusing on any one of these variables can make a difference but by attending to all four we will thrive. Moreover, when life throws us a curve ball-which inevitably it will because no one is excuse from life’s trial and tribulations-you will have an abundance of resources to tap into, enabling you to bounce back with greater ease. 

Below you’ll find a brief outline on each of the four pillars to wellbeing, coming this fall I’ll be doing a deeper dive for those interested in learning more about how to thrive rather then just get by. The program is called, Live To Thrive…The Science of Happiness Simplified, it will be a 9 week online, live, interactive course (calls will be recorded, should you be unable to attend) where participants will receive a ton of research based knowledge, tools, and strategies along with personal support to guide them in accessing not only experiencing higher levels of happiness but sustaining it for the long run. 

The 4 Pillars To Wellbeing

  • BODY- Let’s face it, when we are feeling physically strong, we have the best chance of experiencing the energy we need to complete the tasks and goals that are important to us. I start with attending to our body first because typically it is more easily assessed. We can see and feel how vibrant or drained someone is. We can hear it in people’s voices, postures, and faces. We can even measure it with medical devices. But remember we are all built differently, so there isn’t a single formula that works for everyone. What foods are most nourishing for you? What kind of movement works best for your body? How much sleep is optimal for your performance? Are you staying hydrated? Would your body benefit from supplements or vitamins? What, if any chronic or temporary illnesses/injuries do you need to consider in order to best support yourself.
  • MIND- This includes not only expanding our intellect but also training our thoughts to work for us. Attending to our mind is twofold, engaging in learning that is stimulating yet not daunting, enabling a cycle of constant growth. While keeping in mind (no pun intended) that our thoughts will have a way of getting the best of us, interfering with our ability to be present in the moment, wreaking havoc on our confidence, clarity, attention, and focus. Creating daily habits to expand this awareness (i.e  quality learning, meditation, journaling, single-tasking, self-introspection, etc) will clear the way for our minds to function optimally. 
  • SPIRIT- “He who has a why in life can bare almost any how”- Friedrich Nietzsche.Our spirit is what guides us to become fully ourselves and to live a meaningful life. In other words, it’s about connecting what we do and how we do it with who we truly are. What would you like to be remembered for? What drives you? What lights you up? What makes you unique? What things do you most want out of life? How can you share your strengths with the world? We must first accept that we all have this deeper inner side of ourselves and then find time to listen to it. Moreover, honor and then align in accordance with these inner urgings.  
  • Heart- Cultivate an open heart by practicing gratitude for the good things in your life, love and compassion for yourself, connection and kindness toward others. Remembering all feelings are legitimate and finely tuning in and accepting our full range of emotions can be used as tools to help us understand what’s going on for us in any given moment, enabling us to create greater wellbeing. 

Bottomline, we will have a much greater capacity to flourish and grow, to endure life’s challenges and stressors when we attend to our whole selves…Body, Mind, Heart, and Spirit.  

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

 -Holly-