positive change Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Struggling with change?

by Holly Boxenhorn | Aug 2, 2023 | Blog

From Menopause To Bereavement, The 4-Step Process To Manage Change In Midlife

‘The only constant in life is change.’

So said Heraclitus. (Smart man, who summed up in one sentence the dichotomy of being a woman in midlife.)

I joke of course… But the truth is, midlife is a HUGE time of change for women. Not only, with menopause, when our bodies are going through the biggest physical change since puberty, but we’re likely to be faced with a barrage of change in our everyday lives—be it children flying the nest, aging parents, changing careers, retiring or downsizing our homes.

But while some people absolutely love change and thrive on everything it means for their lives, some can barely cope and survive it…

And others still will do everything possible to avoid it.

Most of us recognize that change is inevitable, but what happens when we’re so resistant to it, we fail to see it as a positive?

Because living in the past, or being unwilling to progress can have a serious impact on our professional and personal lives.

Well, during my iPEC training to become certified as a professional life coach, I learned an incredible technique that forms the foundation of all my coaching with clients—and now I’m sharing it with you too. And it’s known as The Cycle of Change.

What Does The Cycle of Change Mean For You?

This technique can help you normalize change, ride its waves and help you see change as an essential part of life.

Because here’s the thing…

When you hit your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, in any facet of your life, be it relationships or health—you’re probably tackling the cycle of change.

Plus—just like dealing with any hand life throws at you—this strategy relates the changes we experience to a game of cards.

So, here’s how it works:

Phase 1: Shuffle

Change by its very nature is often unexpected. Or, our reaction to change can take us by surprise. (The unexpected death or illness of a loved one for example. Even children leaving for college—no matter how prepared you might be, that feeling of an empty home can cut you to the quick.)

Well, the ‘Shuffle’ is a period of detachment from what was not working or what has been completed. It’s a phase to ‘time-out,’ emotionally heal and reflect, or search for new directions.

Very often being in the Shuffle is associated with a fear of the unknown—but networking, exploring and taking action can help you to see a way through.

So, here I would encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself: what aspects of your life are in the Shuffle? Which call for a new beginning?

Phase 2: Deal

The Deal uses all the exploration and reflection you completed in the Shuffle, and helps you to take optimistic action—and move you onto the next step.

If you’re in this phase you may feel excitement and anticipation. You’ll look for clarity and support. Your energy is high, despite any fear of failure you may feel.

Perhaps, for example, your career is moving in a new direction? You’re pitching to podcasts, and building your audience. You have your head above water and you’re in full-flow mode.

Phase 3: Play The Game

Now, you’re implementing your plan. You get on that podcast, start that new hobby, or buy that new house.

In short? You’re all in.

But, while this stage is associated with success, it can also be the setting for disappointments, setbacks, and new challenges.

You may think: “What do I do next?” or “How can I find the time to do all of this?” And depending on the outcome, you might fear failure, or have a deep sense of peace and purpose…

But… that’s life! You’re taking action, and learning from mistakes. You’re learning to embrace change, and all that goes with it.

Phase 4: Toss In

In this world, all things come to an end. Sometimes things end with a ‘failure’ and other times with a ‘success.’ Either way, people are rarely ready for the cycle to end, whether it’s the end of a job, a relationship, or any aspect of a goal or project.

If you’re in this part of the cycle, you’re usually unhappy and unsure of the future. You might turn inward, keep to yourself, and think, why me?

‘I can’t just deal with this right now.’

Now, if you find yourself in this phase, it’s important to try to move yourself forward, get ready for the next hand, and shuffle those cards to start over.

Questions To Help You Complete the Cycle of Change

If you find it difficult to pinpoint where in your life you might be experiencing the most change, or identifying where on the Cycle you fall, these questions have been designed to help you:

What are the most important insights for you from the Cycle of Change?
How might you integrate this into a problem, challenge, or conflict you (or someone in your life) is experiencing in your work or personal life right now?
Read back through the phases, and identify where you fall. Name it.

(Important to remember: you may be on different phases of the Cycle of Change in different aspects of your life. For example, your relationships may be thriving, but you’re suffering with physical changes due to menopause, or a recent health diagnosis.)

Now, ask yourself: what do you need to do in order to move forward?

(Note: for the last phase ‘Toss In,’ an entire project or relationship doesn’t have to be over, only an aspect of it.)

Finally, consider the individuals or loved ones you wish to lead, inspire, or motivate in your life. How can the Cycle of Change assist you with any challenges or conflicts you might have with these people—and how can you shift your collective energy to help them?

Yes, it may be true that ‘the only constant in life is change—but with the help of these 4 phases, change does not need to be something to fear…

Instead, it can be something to be embraced.

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly

P.S. If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my 10 Question Toolkit. Whatever change you’re going through, it can help you ignite a midlife reboot, and learn how to master the mayhem.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

Reminder!

by Holly Boxenhorn | May 1, 2021 | Blog

The Key To Creating Positive Lasting Change

It’s no mystery that the things we repeatedly do are the things our brain and mind will continue to support and encourage. The more something is rehearsed or practiced, the stronger our neural connections will then become making positive behaviors more habitual in nature. Positive lasting change will occur within in our brains and then within our lives with consistent and intentional action steps that promote an optimal state of being. With all that being said, knowing this and actually doing this are two very different things. With our very busy and distracting lives; cultivating habits, thoughts, and behaviors that support our greater wellbeing, won’t come instinctually.

Let’s face it, in this fast paced world, if it’s not right in front of us, it’s likely not going to happen…thus why many of us rely on “to do” lists to remind us of where our attention needs to be. The same holds true with building in productive habits that aid our pursuit of greater happiness and success. If we want to instill more proactive behaviors we need to remind ourselves to do whatever it is we’re trying to align with until we become accustomed to it. Daily reminders are essential when it comes to creating the positive change we desire. They’re relatively simple to understand, fairly easy to implement, and the benefits from using them are almost immediate. Here are a few great ways to get started….

5 Simple Ways To Use Reminders

1.Technological Reminders– Here’s where the distraction of technology works for us rather than against. Computers and our mobile phones make it possible to set up automatic reminders for just about anything. Desktop software like Outlook will pop up reminders on our computers, and most online services go an extra step and send reminders via email or SMS text message. Even just using the alarm on our mobile phones can be a great way to help us stop, hit pause for 10 minutes and attend to some rejuvenating self-care practices to infuse our energy, helping us to go the distance the rest of the day. Maybe some deep breathing exercises, a short meditation, taking some time to call someone near and dear to us, or possibly stepping outside to connect with nature, stretch our legs and walk around bit…all great habits that support greater wellbeing.

2.Tangible Reminders– The best reminders are related in some way to the behavior you want to produce and can take the form of a quote on the wall, a picture, a photograph, a work of art, powerful words or mantras placed on a post it. Or even a special bracelet or piece of jewelry that catches your attention and reminds you to be mindful of the positive behavior you want to produce.

3.Daily “To Be” Reminders– Are a record of those things that you would like to be reminded of on a daily basis, the values that you want to internalize and live by each day of your life. By using “Ideal Self Statements” (i.e I am calm and present in the here and now, I embrace a growth mindset” ) that capture the attitudes and behaviors that are first, most important to you personally and, second, that you want to be reminded of. Your “To Be” List so to say rather then to do list. It’s suggested to come up with at least 3 and no more than 5 along with starting with 3 deep breaths before reading each out loud to yourself daily.

4. Specific Reminders-focus on a particular aspect of life that you want to work on and improve—a challenge you’re facing or an area where you want to grow. Start by writing down a single sentence that captures whatever it is that you want to work on. The sentence, ideally, should be stated positively, in present tense, and inspire a sense of purpose (i.e. I am a confident and authentic public speaker). Then elaborate in three or four sentences what that single sentence means to you. Spend a few minutes each day to go over your Specific Reminder, read it closely and deliberately at least once through, and then if you feel the need to do so, modify and refine the text.

5. Mini Reminders-is a sequence of words (i.e.calm, confident, authentic) that embody how you want to feel most times. The words may draw from your Daily Reminders, Specific Reminders, or from anywhere else. Place them anywhere and everywhere that catches your eye. I keep a post it note of Mini Reminders on my car dashboard, desk, and night table. Every time I see them I take a deep breath and read them aloud.

Reminders have the power to positively transform our lives for the better. Studies have proven environmental and physical cues we pick up daily affect us more than we realize, triggering habits and thoughts that then begin to feel natural to us. Why leave our most important priorities to chance…check out this month’s 5 simple ways to use reminders to promote more of what you want in and for your life.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Think Big With Starting Small

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jan 1, 2021 | Blog

The Power Of Taking Small Steps

Ahh, 2021…we made it! No doubt we are all ready to put 2020 behind us. Though we are not out of the woods yet, we’ve come a long way and learned a lot. Understandably, for most of us our energy is low, this past year has put us through the ringer. But now more than ever it’s important to keep our eye on the bigger picture, knowing there is a light at the end of this tunnel with the administration of the coronavirus vaccine underway. Though you may be weary, the time has come to start considering new and improved possibilities in your life and start going after them. This is where the benefit of taking small steps towards bigger aspirations can have a significant impact, allowing us to slowly but steadily move forward while still holding space to adjust and recover from all of the fall out and massive upheaval 2020 brought us.

Truth is, as a empowerment coach I’ve always been a big fan of breaking down larger goals into smaller more manageable action steps. Let’s face it, even in the best of circumstances, setting lofty goals can be overwhelming. Starting small helps us not only get started but allows us to adjust to the desired behaviors we are seeking so these new action steps become habitual in nature. More importantly, small steps help us avoid fatigue, something we all have to be very sensitive to as we already are working on low reserves as we continue to navigate these uncertain times.

It’s really all about setting ourselves up for a greater likelihood of success, so we can go the distance. Small steps create momentum and momentum is crucial if you want to make meaningful progress on “bigger” aspirations. Whether you’re wanting to advance your career, resolve health related issues, or want to improve your relationship with significant others, small, consistent steps add up towards these important goals. For example, instead of confronting your teenage daughter head-on to resolve issues, starting first with small acts toward connection builds trust so that when you do need to address issues, you’ll be much more likely to experience positive change. There’s no denying success breeds success. Once we start getting results, it’s more motivating and inspiring to keep going while also allow us to handle setbacks because we already have a foundation and tools in place to pick ourselves back up from any small detours we may incur. Moreover, focusing on small steps is a great way to ACT on procrastination. In other words, make tasks Attainable (with small steps), boost our Confidence, and agree upon a Timeline.

Honor the value of regaining your strength this year while reclaiming your power to dream big with starting small. Don’t surrender to the lure of the winter pandemic doldrums. Ask yourself “what would you like to see happen in and for your life this new year? And more importantly “what small action can you take today to get you closer to experiencing that tomorrow?” Be intentional…it will all be worthwhile when we emerge into the spring mentally, physically, and emotionally on point, raring to go!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-