Real Vibes Only-Please!

Real Vibes Only-Please!

Toxic Positivity Is A Real Thing 

See the good in everything.

Stay strong.

It could be worse.

This too shall pass

Just be positive.

All well intended ideas but how do we effectively problem solve or respond appropriately to circumstances in our life that are causing discomfort and difficult emotions if we don’t deal with them as we truly are experiencing them. Clearly, as a women’s empowerment coach, I’m a big fan of the power of positivity. But when it comes at the cost of denying us the opportunity to be real and honest with ourselves, positivity winds up becoming toxic in nature, detracting and harmful to our growth because we’re not operating in a world as we really are experiencing it, rather as we wish it to be. Preventing us from having those hard conversations with ourselves and others. 

I understand people have the best of intentions and want to be a source of light and levity and not feel painful emotions but right now given the collective trauma we’re all experiencing with the coronavirus pandemic, toxic positivity seems to be more problematic than ever. It’s alarming and I’m seeing its impact on my clients big time; judging themselves for why they aren’t “feeling it”, beating themselves up for not aggressively pursuing their goals, wondering why they are waking up anxious more days then not and easily overwhelmed. Sure, we are all acclimating and adapting to “Covid Life” but that requires a tremendous amount of energy. We are working on low reserves. Now more than ever false, forced positivity is not the way to go, it only adds to our feelings of distress by putting an additional pressure on ourselves to appear ok, denying us the support we actually need to effectively cope with what we are experiencing. 

I’m not suggesting we throw in the towel nor resign or brood over our negative emotions but if I hear one more person chalk up their distress with “it could be worse”, I might just snap, because hell yeah it can always be worse but that’s not the point. Acknowledging and verbalizing our difficult emotions releases the hold they have on us while give us  greater clarity on how to best support ourselves. 

Whether it be your partner telling you to look on the bright side, a friend repeatedly sharing how much fun they are having even during the pandemic, a meme instructing you to “Choose Happiness”, or you’re feeling you should just be grateful for what you have and only have a positive mindset, remember toxic positivity is a real thing. If you’re not feeling it, avoid the urge to play along, as uncomfortable as it is to express negative emotions they offer us valuable information, allowing us to make decisions that will help us feel better in the long run. So we can then chose to put into place those strategies and “life” tools to build our capacity and claim our potential.

Encouraging Everyone To Keep It Real

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Struggle Is Real

The Struggle Is Real

Feeling Depleted? 

Hell yeah! We have been operating under some pretty heavy energy lately. Now, almost 8 months into a global pandemic where the “new normal” is indefinite uncertainty, we are no longer in an emergency phase but rather living in a chronic state of heightened stress. Of course we’re feeling depleted, much of what grounded us no longer exists, we are grieving multiple loses while still managing the ongoing impact all of this is having on every single aspect of our lives.

So how do we adjust to this ever-changing situation where so many of our systems aren’t working as they normally do, creating radical shifts in our work, school, and home life? Unfortunately, there is no handbook on this one, nothing in history comes close to its impact.  Sure there have been horrific events in history showing how very resilient we humans are but 2020 is an unprecedented disaster. It’s unique, magnified with 24-7  news coverage and intense political division in our country, complicating a unified approach on how to best navigate this unchartered path.

As a women’s leadership coach, naturally I’m asked for advice and suggestions on how to ease the angst we are all experiencing. I wish I had a direct answer but the truth is I’m just figuring it out myself. Of course, there are some sure fire ways to combat worry, lessen anxiety, face our fears but in this instance if I had to specifically hone in on where to focus our attention it would primarily be on our self-care and sincere acceptance of our reality. Rather then putting on a brave face, I think it would serve us all better to embrace how “shaky” we truly are feeling, allowing us to support ourselves in a way that is more constructive instead of exhausting our energy on trying to avoid the uncomfortability that surrounds us right now. While in addition seeking activities, new and old, that fill us up…practicing extreme self-care (sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation, gratitude, and connection) and self love & compassion. I believe there is a way to simultaneously attend to our grief while also move forward proactively, gaining a greater appreciation of life and surpassing our capabilities that were present before this crisis hit us all.

My advice…resist the urge to suck it up, the struggle is real! Put YOUR oxygen mask on first so you can go the distance and still be of service to others.

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-