Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

… Is something my clients and I often joke about. 

Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

  • Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses
  • Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
  • Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’) 

Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

Well, for me, this only tells half the story… 

Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…? 

What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?) 

What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’ 

(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

Part 1: Acceptance

And all this means is: accepting where you’re at. 

Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.) 

No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.  

Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to. 

(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway: 

An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome. 

Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened… 

Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion. 

Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me? 

But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age… 

So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had. 

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly 

P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Trusting The Process

    Trusting The Process

    “All Great Achievements Require Time”

     -Maya Angelou-

    December 2016 Insights

    “Trust the process”….we’ve all heard the expression before. But what does that even mean? For some that statement in and of itself seems intangible, a rather uncomfortable concept to accept. While others may view it as a cop-out, irresponsible, and lacking a proactive stance. However, it really is quite the opposite. For me, the concept of trusting the process is best captured in Maya Angelou famous quote, “All great achievements require time”. hold_the_visionMeaning in essence, everything and everyone are all a work in progress. No one sets out to do less then they are capable of doing in the current circumstances they’re in. No one ever intentionally sets out to make a mistake, “fail”, experience a less than desirable outcome. Trusting the process is living and learning but with faith in oneself that when the process we commit to is not getting us where we want, we have the opportunity to learn from that process and then modify or change it accordingly.

    4 Main Concepts To Trusting the Process

    • We always do the best we can and nothing else.

    • Understanding that“bumps  in the road ”are a part of the process.

    • Knowing that all experiences have value. So even if things don’t“go your way”, you can always learn a lesson in what has occurred.

    • To be totally committed to a plan of action and follow it through.

    • Knowing there is always opportunity to make modifications and/or changes to that plan should it not create an optimal outcome.

     

    As this year comes to an end and we reflect upon all we did and didn’t accomplish, have no regrets, give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought. Welcome what 2017 will bring us, trust the process and remember you will always know more than you did yesterday!

    Wishing You The Best Of Success

    -Holly- 

     

     

    Make Stress Your Friend

    Make Stress Your Friend

    The Upside Of Stress

    October 2016 Insights

    “When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body’s response to stress”

    -Kelly McGonigal, PhD-

    Everyone has stress in their lives, and most people would agree they want less stress. But what people really want is to have less of a “stress reaction” to the things that are occurring in their lives and zapping their energy. Stress itself is not the enemy; it’s our reaction to it. How great would it be if rather than seeing your most stressful days as the worst days of your life, they actually become your best days? (more…)

    A Matter Of Perspective

    A Matter Of Perspective

    Big Problem or Huge Opportunity?

    September 2016 Insights

    A company once sent two shoe salespeople to an area in Africa where they had never sold any shoes. One was their senior, most experienced salesperson, Margo, and they expected big things of her. The other was an optimistic rookie named Cynthia. She didn’t have as much experience, but she had a lot of enthusiasm. They figured she might be able to sell a few pair of shoes. Shortly after their arrival in Africa, Margo, the experienced salesperson emailed the home office saying, “You might as well bring me back. Nobody here wears shoes.” The rookie, Cynthia, wired the home office an urgent message: “Send me all the shoes you’ve got. Nobody here is wearing shoes!” (more…)

    Catabolic or Anabolic Choice

    Catabolic or Anabolic Choice

    CHOOSE TO!

    August 2016 Insights

    Many of us walk around feeling like we have limited choices in many aspects of our lives. Take notice of how many times in a day you say the words have to, should, and need to. Whenever you feel like you must do something, you’re a prisoner, a victim to your thoughts or circumstances. In fact, when faced with a task or something to do, there are five basic ways you can view them and only one is by full conscious choice. (more…)