Midlife Game Changing Habits

Midlife Game Changing Habits

by | May 1, 2022 | Blog

Top Five Strategies You Need To Know 

‘Holly, do you have any big strategies to navigate midlife? 

‘Y’know, the surefire, game-changing, non-negotiables that mean you’re always so on point?’

Whoa. Now, there’s a question…

And it’s probably the one I’m asked most — on the pickleball court, out to dinner with friends, by clients and colleagues…

First — let’s get one thing straight, I am most definitely NOT ‘so on point…’ (!)

Hey, I may be a Midlife Transition Coach, but I worry about my turkey neck as much as the next woman! I’m struggling to sleep through the night. Trying to figure out how to empty nest… gracefully.

I too, question those goals I held for SO long, that sometimes feel flat and uninspiring… 

Sure! We’re a boat load wiser. But if you find yourself wandering into the bedroom, forgetting why you’re there — and instead your thoughts turn to:

>> Who the heck am I?

>> What’s next?

>> And how the hell do I begin to figure all this out?

Then you need…

The Top 5 Strategies To Thrive In Midlife Right Now 

Yeah, that’s right: these are the non-negotiable, instrumental habits you need to adhere to IMMEDIATELY…

No joke.

Because ladies, I believe — no, I know — these habits are SO powerful, you’ll finally find your groove…  and forge your path towards a fuller, happier, more meaningful life. 

(And hey, it’s what you’ve been asking for!)

Because honestly? Let’s just not age gracefully. Let’s age powerfully…

And dive right in!

  1. Keep Your Attitude in Check
    Even I find myself slipping into silly comments like: ’… well, I am an old lady.’ But, the more we indulge in that language, the more we give it mileage — the harder we’re making it for ourselves to switch gear and age optimally. 

Energy attracts like energy.

The truth is, we’re living longer fuller lives than ever before. There are inspiring women out there absolutely killing it in midlife, knocking it outta the park! So, instead of  indulging in negative language, flip the script to stories of strong, vibrant, engaging older women…

And surround yourself with as much knowledge and education to live your life more powerfully.

Check out this podcast: Radically Reframing Aging, and hear Maria Shriver discuss how we can all live our healthiest, most joyful lives as we grow older.

  1. Embrace The Now
    (Or, in short — if not now, when?)

If there’s one thing the pandemic taught us, it’s not to hang around. I’ve worked with so many women who have had the rug pulled out from under them — diagnosed suddenly with breast cancer, diabetes, or their husbands get sick…

You might remember last year my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s brutal. And I don’t know how long it’s gonna last…

But I can’t live in a state of inertia thinking ‘once she has full time help’ or ‘once she’s in assisted living, well, then I can focus on xyz.’ I can’t wait, and I can’t put things off. I have to honor the fact it’s all consuming, accept it, yet still move forward.

If we don’t start rockin’ and rolling now, then when will we?

  1. Treat Life As An Experiment
    It’s easy to get stuck in a rut — what we eat, how we exercise, even the makeup we use! (Am I right?) But our bodies have changed, our metabolism’s not so fired up, and chances are what worked in our 20s or 30s just ain’t gonna cut it. 

It’s time to shake things up…

You have GOT to have an experimental mindset.

For example, I just don’t have the stamina that I used to. Honestly, the sh*t I could get done in a day… I’d whizz my daughter to dance class, get to the shops, see clients. Now? I just want to chill a little bit.

So, I’ve switched up my day. I do deep work in the morning. And at 3, 4pm, I honor my need to rest. I’ll take the dogs for a walk, meditate, connect with a friend for coffee. And maybe then when I’ve done those things to nourish my soul — I’ll see an evening client.

Try some new things on for size –experiment– not every action you take will be a home run but wisdom gained revealing what feels right, purposeful and fulfilling to you.

  1. Rewire Your Inner Dialogue
    Let’s cut to the chase here. You’ve already spent half your life beating yourself up, telling yourself you aren’t enough. Do you really wanna be 80 — and still judging yourself? 

Or, looking back on your life wishing you’d been more present with your children, partner… but you were just too damn wrapped up and consumed by your own thoughts?

Y’know, I’m just so done with it…

Ladies, it’s time to let go of those old stories holding you back. Next time you hear that inner critic tell you you’re ‘less than’ say to yourself: ‘I’ve got this. I’m committed to my growth.’ Or ‘I’m discovering day-by-day what my goals and priorities are.’

… And shut down that negative talk in its tracks.

  1. Cultivate Connection
    Most research will say, the number 1 predictor of happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Take this from an introvert! (Or rather a social introvert — I love people, but can handle them better in smaller groups…) 😉

But, that being said…

Here, we’re talking positive relationships. The ones that inspire, support, and challenge us. A diverse network — whether that’s seeing your best friend for lunch, or clicking with a virtual Mastermind group. Connecting with your sister, or a work colleague living overseas…

These things keep us sharp, our wellbeing intact. They light us up.

Because the truth is, the struggle is real. Midlife is tough. There’s no denying it. But I know with my whole being, that if you can adapt your habits and mindset to embrace these changes — you will reap the difference in your life…

And glide into the next phase, with power, purpose and meaning. On your terms. 

XO

Holly

P.S. Tell me, what are your top strategies for dealing with the chaos of midlife? Which older women truly inspire you? Comment below (or drop me an email) I’d absolutely love to know! 

Happiness Is More Than Just A Feeling

Happiness Is More Than Just A Feeling

by | Nov 1, 2021 | Blog

Be Obsessively Grateful

Crazy, hard to believe 2021 is almost coming to a close. Just about a year ago we were all so thrilled to say goodbye to 2020, now we’re just 2 months shy of welcoming in 2022. Now, I know the majority of this world is operating under some serious heavy energy but there is no better time than November, the month most noted for the expression of gratitude, to remind ourselves that often times “happiness” is more than just a feeling but rather a choice.

Hands down, if I had to pick only one most impactful mindset tool out there, it would be undoubtedly the daily practice of gratitude. It is the most powerful and simple way to squash negativity dead in its tracks.

Bottomline, the mind cannot focus on two things at once, by taking some time to relish in the good we can literally cancel out the bad.  Feelings of gratitude directly activate brain regions associated with the neurotransmitter, dopamine, and there is a ton of research proving how gratitude can work as an anti-depressant and send signals of safety and hope to our brains. 

So powerful yet so simple. 

Here’s another great way to expand on the practice of gratitude. This one I came across while reading the book,  Learned Hopefulness by Dan Tomasulo and has become a favorite part of my daily routine.

There’s a lot of really fascinating research around the concepts behind “hope” and benefits it has for cultivating greater positive emotions. Truth is we are all hard wired toward a negativity bias, I’ve written on this before (revisit here). Typically, if we are asked to look back on our previous day’s activity, we tend to view it in a very matter of fact way and likely hone in on what we didn’t accomplish or what didn’t go well.

Dan Tomasulo suggests to do the opposite, to literally list everything we can remember about our days activities but this time through the lens of gratitude. Taking two separate pieces of paper where we first just list out all we can recall. Trying not to leave anything off, from taking out the garbage to conversations we had throughout the day, and then using that list as a reference to now write about the same time period finding the good.

This small adjustment, tweak in perception is enough to activate different parts of our brain that were masked by the negativity bias, finding hidden gems altering our perception and opening us up to more positivity.

Honestly, it’s a game changer!

But one small caveat, as with any gratitude practice this is not a one hit wonder, the negativity bias is deeply ingrained in all of us, practicing gratitude is something we need to keep front and center.

 Just try out this exercise for one week and I assure you’ll feel the difference!

Wishing You Always The Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Are You Showing Up?

How Are You Showing Up?

by | Sep 1, 2021 | Blog

The One Thing That Changes Everything

How we show up, the energy we bring to any situation is the key ingredient to the results we get. We can be crazy smart, super organized, and have the best of intentions but without the right type and amount of energy the ability to show up and be engaged in life can be severely limited and sometimes just not possible. By understanding and then knowing how to handle our energy we can have a huge advantage in creating a life we love to live.

Truth is the vast majority of us are unaware of why things go well for us one day and not the next. Sure, it’s easy to say we simply just had a good day, everything fell into place, nothing unexpected occurred, or we were at the right place at the right time. But we all know life is challenging, at any given moment life can throw us a curveball, no one is excused from life’s ups and down’s. Chalking up our success and happiness or lack thereof, to bad luck or good fortune is frankly bullshit.

Think about it, rarely if ever, with the exception of a health crisis, does our level of capabilities, talents, and competencies change significantly from day to day or even moment to moment. So what is it that makes us feel one minute on top of our game and quite possibly a few hours later on shaky ground? Why with the same capabilities you have right now in this moment “perform” well one day and poorly the next?

Before you answer that, I want you to think about this…you’re about to go into an interview or a presentation at work, maybe you’re going to have an important conversation with your child, make a go or no go decision on a serious health matter, or possibly negotiating a deal with purchasing a new car, house, business venture-what’s more important in that moment, your talent or the energy you’re experiencing? 

Regardless of how skilled we maybe our core energy will be the driving force behind how our talent that will get used, creating the results we’ll get. And at anytime we are feeling stressed out, unfulfilled, or stuck it is because something is blocking our energy. Which is most likely a direct result of one or more influencers on our energy: 

  • Physical-when our body is unable to function in the manner we’re accustomed (I.e.poor sleep, nutrition, illness/injury)
  • Social-when the people and social conditions around us aren’t optimal.
  • Spiritual-when whatever we are doing causes us to question our purpose, values, goals and beliefs.
  • Emotional-when we feel reactive and unable to control how we want to respond in a situation we don’t understand or that doesn’t meet our expectations or needs. 
  • Environmental-when our surroundings prevent us from being at our best (i.e. extreme temperatures, office too loud, gym too crowded).
  • Mental-when we stretch ourselves too thin and our ability to remain focused is comprised possibly because a task is too challenging or boring.

Whatever your current aspirations may be…professional, personal, or both, by understanding and knowing how each of these influencers are impacting your energy you will have the greatest likelihood for optimal results.

Next time you move into that difficult conversation with someone near and dear, have an important work meeting, or are simply heading out to the tennis court, consider how each of these influencers may be showing up for you. Are they supporting or detracting from your experience? If so, how can you lean into those that are strong for you while lessen the pull of those that are working against you?

Bottomline, it’s all about creating an empowered energetic state and the rest will follow. Energy is the one thing that changes everything. We can acquire all the skill and mindset necessary as long as we learn how to handle our energy.

 Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Discover A Superpower

Discover A Superpower

by | Jun 1, 2021 | Blog

Know Your Why

Lending further to last months post on the value of using “reminders” to cultivate a consistent commitment to those things we desire most in our lives, along with a common theme I hear from many women regarding either a petering out or a lack of “oomph” to aggressively pursue their more challenging aspirations, I want to take this month’s post to share a powerful exercise on Knowing Your Why.

Trust me when I say this, it is not you! You don’t per se lack the willpower or capability to obtain those things you want more of in your life. Truth is, reaching our goals and then sustaining them is more about putting habits into place that will support them. We all know anything worth having doesn’t happen overnight and requires extra attention and effort to attain. This is where the power of knowing and having a strong “why” comes into play.

Life is crazy distracting, filled with many curveballs, making it so easy to fall off our path to raise our game. If we don’t get super clear about the value of our pursuits, we undoubtably will run short in obtaining them. Why would we ever push threw the discomfort of a hard conversation with our partner, wake up  early to fit in a workout, or chalk up a loss of a client to a lesson learned? Knowing both the positive things we will experience when reaching for our ideal self verse the negative consequences that will result should we abandon our goals is the superpower we all need to take ourselves to the next level. 

 

  “Knowing My Why”

Reflection Exercise  

 Brief Description of Your Aspiration:

 

 List:

-Positive Things I Will Experience As A Result                      –Negative Consequences Should I Give Up                          

 _____________________________________________                        __________________________________________

 _____________________________________________                        __________________________________________

 _____________________________________________                        __________________________________________

 _____________________________________________                         _________________________________________

 _____________________________________________                         _________________________________________

Ask Yourself:

-How is my life going to change if I follow through, most immediately and in the long run?

 -Consider the impact actualizing your goal will have on every aspect of your life: health/wellbeing,   relationships, finances, personal & professional development. 

Now, get your mind right, you know the the famous expression “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” Growth is not a linear path, we zig up and we zig down. Of course it won’t be easy, be patient and compassionate with yourself as you would with a dear friend or your child. There’s no shaming nor should we let ourselves off the hook. We keep at it and always, always remember our WHY! 

P.S. On a side note, this exercise is also a great tool to determine whether or not the goals you are pursuing are truly worthwhile to you. So often we fall prey to setting goals that we think we “should” be acquiring when in actuality they aren’t really all that important to us nor do they align with who we genuinely are and what lights us up. 

 

 Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Worry Much?

Worry Much?

by | Dec 3, 2020 | Blog

How To Shake It Off

Worry is an emotion that we’ve evolved to feel in the face of threat or danger. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s not all our fault, we inherited the genes that predispose us to give special attention to the negative aspects in our lives. Thanks to our ancestors we are all hard wired to experience worry, nervousness, fear, and apprehension. Being highly attuned to worst case scenarios is how, in pre-historic times, humans survived natural threats. In some situations worry isn’t all bad and can actually be beneficial, warning us about something that is valuable and requires our attention. But in many instances, worry is misguided energy, robbing us of greater happiness and success. 

Unless we are under immediate threat, the emotion of worry is useless and counterproductive. It gets in our way to effectively problem solve, limiting our perspective and interfering with our abilities to concentrate and focus on what we can do in the here and now. On top of that statistics prove most of what we worry about never comes to fruition and only saps our motivation and mood. However, being a mother of two, admittedly I can go there with the best of over thinkers and proclaimed worry warts. So for myself as well as for my clients I have done my homework on this relevant topic and have come up with some great strategies and best practices to allay obsessive overthinking in order to redirect negative thoughts into more neutral or optimistic ones. 

How To Shake It Off

#1 Worse Case-Best Case-Most Likely Scenario-If we are going to make a mountain out of a mole hill we might as do it all the way. Here we take the adversity at hand and squeeze out all our worries and Worst Case Scenarios. But then we also make a list of all the Best Case Scenarios that can occur. In both cases, assign a percentage of  likelihood that each scenario listed could occur. Lastly, given the insight we gain we make a final list of Most Likely Case Scenarios along with their percentage of likelihood occurring. This happy medium shifts us to a place of problem solving to then create an action plan based on everything we know to be true right now, restoring rational thinking opposed to catastrophizing.

#2 Distract, distract, distract-The mind cannot hold onto two thoughts at the same time. As simple as it sounds find an activity that is engrossing enough to lessen the pull towards worrisome thoughts. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it absorbs your attention and is satisfying in some shape or form. Whether it’s crossing something off your to do list or enjoying the company of a dear friend.  And for those of you who question this strategy only being a short term solution, understand that any positive emotions you experience during those distracting activities can lift your mood and then open you up to new more objective and positive perspectives. 

#3 Take in the bigger picture-Sometimes we can have the tendency to magnify our concerns. What seems to be so troublesome at the time can be quickly put into perspective when we ask ourselves if what’s preoccupying our mind will matter a year from now or a more extreme version…on your deathbed? If of course you resolve that the challenge you are enduring will indeed matter in a year from now, then it’s time to focus on flexing your resiliency muscles, focusing on lessons we can learn and a growth mindset…psychologist call this post-traumatic growth, vital tools we learn when facing life’s inevitable hardships.

#4 Act to solve problems-Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed about your concerns and unsure what to do, take a small step. For example, research possible new jobs, see a financial adviser, consult a marriage counselor or divorce attorney. Even just writing a list of possible ways to improve a relationship with someone near and dear to you, maybe brainstorming ways to get more recognition at work or address unresolved health concerns. Each small step you take creates a ripple effect, providing wisdom and empowerment.

#5 Designated worry time-As strange as this sounds, set aside 30 minutes in your day to do nothing but worry. Knowing you can create a “container” for your burdensome thoughts can be a great tool to honor the pull towards them yet loosen the grip of obsessive thinking throughout the whole day. Ideally, that 30 minute period should be at a time of the day you are not anxious or sad.

#6 Journaling-Writing out your worries is a way of unburdening yourself of negative thoughts-spilling them out on the page, so to speak-helping you to organize and make sense of your thoughts and observe any patterns that you haven’t perceived before.

#7 Talk to trusted people you respect/admire about your thoughts and worries-A lot of the time getting our worries off our chest can bring immediate reprieve from it’s intensity. Just make sure those you go to for support are objective, have your best interest at heart, come from a place of love, and are not inclined to jump on the negativity band wagon with you.

#8 Breath to release worry-If this is up your alley, learn how to meditate. The skills involved in this relaxation technique can help distance ourselves from consuming thoughts and impart a positive sense of wellbeing. Many people who meditate claim that they find themselves feeling less burdened, worried, and stressed. 

With all this being said, understand worrying is a normal response the brain has developed to keep us safe. While we can’t prevent ourselves from worrying (it’s how we humans are rigged), we can learn how to manage it more effectively so it doesn’t eat away at our greater wellbeing nor take away from our performance on any given day.

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-