What The Cast of Friends Can Teach You About Making Decisions

What The Cast of Friends Can Teach You About Making Decisions

by | Jul 5, 2023 | Blog

Difficult Decisions Are Everywhere

Do you find it hard to make your mind up? 

Well, I hate to break it to you, but in midlife, decision making can take on a whole new level… 

Why? Well, when you factor in brain fog, anxiety, or the loss of confidence that often comes with going through menopause, it can mean you find yourself overthinking, and even the simplest decisions feel like accepting a marriage proposal… 

Yet, the truth is when you hit your 50’s or 60’s you’ll often find yourself with more decisions than EVER to make in life.

Take me for example! In the last 5 years I’ve had to decide: 

  • Whether or not to have my hip replaced (health decisions are HUGE in midlife) 
  • If assisted living is right for my mom, and how best to deal with her alzheimer’s diagnosis
  • With all this going on, how exactly to expand my business, and how best to serve my clients 

Now, how we choose to make good decisions is as unique as we are. Some people will gather a great deal of info, and consider thoughts and opinions from a ton of sources. 

Others gather significantly less and take more time to decide…

And others will hurtle headlong into any decision based on what their gut tells them.

So, how can we possibly know if the decisions we make are the right ones?

Well, that’s where Holographic Thinking comes in… 

Holographic Thinking is something I learned in my iPEC training, and it’s an absolute game-changer (I don’t use that term lightly!) in helping you make good informed decisions and trusting your own judgment. 

Holographic Thinking teaches us there are 3 main ways to make your mind up:

1. Logic: analyzing a situation through examining the facts and using your mind in a linear and scientific way. Maybe this involves research about what experts believe about the situation, or critically analyzing what you already know by experience or common knowledge.

When you approach a decision logically you’re looking to see if it makes sense. 

2. Emotion: looking at a situation through the lens of how you feel. Here you’re probably looking to see what would be most enjoyable, or how the decision might affect others around you.

3. Intuition: instinctive knowledge that can’t be explained. (Or looking to see what your senses say.) This is what I refer to as a ‘midlife wizery’—i.e. many lessons learned, much knowledge acquired, and knowing ourselves better than ever. 

Ask yourself, how many midlife women do you meet who are totally rocking it, no longer bullshit themselves—and are so done with feeling ‘less than?’ Well, chances are, they’re perfectly in touch with their intuition… 

Now, all that being said, no one way is better than another, but combining all 3 is where the power lies—just as a hologram produces 3 dimensions or perspectives.

So how can we make Holographic Thinking work for us in real terms, in real life? 

Well, next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself these questions: 

  • How much sense does it make? How do I think it will work?
  • How enjoyable or fun will it be?
  • What do my inner senses say about it? What does my gut say? 

These questions target each facet of your thought process, and help you arrive at a well rounded answer you can be confident in.

And how can Friends help you with Holographic Thinking? 

If you find it difficult to remember the distinctions between the 3 types, it can help to associate them with advice from people you know—or even characters from your favorite sitcom. 

For example: 

  • What would logical Ross do to come to a decision in your situation? He’d likely read every single book on the subject and weigh up every possibility.
  • How would emotional Rachel feel about it? She’d probably write a letter (‘eighteen pages, front and back!’) and let it all out. 
  • And how would intuitive Phoebe deal with it? She’d trust her gut, play her guitar and wait for inspiration to strike. 

But one thing’s for sure, together over coffee in Central Perk, their decisions would definitely be more nuanced, powerful and effective. 

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Find you have more questions than EVER in midlife? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

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    I AM…

    I AM…

    by | Jun 7, 2023 | Blog

    Who Are You? Really…?

    Here’s what I know to be true: every woman has wings. But some need help to color them in.

    Some are washed out. Some need to color over the lines. Others? A touch of glitter…

    Now, some clients, when they come to me, have incredible wings. Their feathers are bright. They sparkle (and they know it!)

    BUT… they’ve been clipped. They’re caged, and they’ve lost their voice.

    So, what do I mean by all this?

    Well, maybe life feels like a sh*tshow right now? Perhaps you woke up this morning and thought:

    • I’m so done with being someone’s puppet.
    • I’m f*cking clueless.
    • I haven’t had my voice for so long. 
    • I have no idea…
    • What do I really want?                                                                                                                                                                   

    Because here’s the truth: ALL of us, now and then, need help remembering who we are.

    Yes, that’s right. I don’t care how beautiful your wings are, or how you got here. Every woman comes to me at a different level—and could benefit from some more color, more life in her wings.

    Let’s try it out… 

    If I asked you ‘who are you?’ I expect your first thought would be to list what you do, or your relationship to other people: i.e. wife or mother, or your job title.  

    But these are labels defined by society, not the true essence of you. 

    So, what if you’re reading this and think: ‘Holly, I’ve spent so long looking after everyone else, I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know where to start…’

    Well, that’s where the ‘Who Am I?’ exercise comes in.

    Its purpose is simple: to understand how your strengths, gifts and values meld to form who you are.

    Because here’s the thing: every experience until this point has shaped your perception of the world…

    And that’s why midlife is the perfect time to find out what color you want your wings to be—or in other words, who you really are.

    So, grab a pen and paper, pour a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and work through the following questions:

     Step 1: Identify your key descriptors:

    • What are the 5-10 most important values in your life?
    • How would you describe the attributes you most like about yourself?
    • What do other people admire most about you—and what is the impact you have on them? 

    Hint: if you can’t objectively see your gifts and strengths, it can help to reach out to up to 5 people in various parts of your life, and ask what they see as your unique qualities, attributes, or characteristics. Ask, why do you mean so much to them? And how do you impact their life?

     (This also helps realize your impact, and gives you direction towards ‘who you are.’)

    • What core beliefs about life serve you best?
    • What makes you unique, or stand out from others?
    • What makes you feel most passionate, satisfied, and most fulfilled?
    • If you had to name one feeling that you would like to have most often, what would that be?

    Step 2: Put an X by the 5-10 most important words from the list you made, and convert those 5-10 descriptors to nouns. 

    (For example, if ‘being healthy’ is one of your key descriptors, convert to ‘health.’ If ‘honest’ is one, convert to ‘honesty.’)

    Step 3: Take these nouns and make them into ‘I Am’ statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. You should have at least 5 statements, beginning with ‘I am”. (For the examples above, your statements would be ‘I am Health’ and ‘I am Honesty.’)

    Step 4: Rank each order of these statements by numbering them from 1 (as the most powerful) to the least powerful/descriptive of the list.

    Record your final ‘I Am’ statements, in rank order below, so you can refer to them later on.

    Step 5: Finally, seriously consider all of your final ‘I Am’ statements in relation to how you currently live. And ask yourself:

    What adjustments could you make?

    How well do you currently bring who you are into everything you do?

    Look at the different roles you play in your life. You may be a spouse, a parent, a child, a worker, a sibling, a friend, etc. Which roles do you believe are true to yourself, or where your true self shines? Which roles does your true self hide?

    In other words: what color do you want your wings to be?

    Or who are you… really?

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. If you enjoyed this exercise, and want to go one step further, grab my 10 Question Toolkit. 

    It will give you the skillset to not only manage the midlife mayhem—but master it.

    GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW