Why Craft A Midlife Manifesto?

Why Craft A Midlife Manifesto?

by | Sep 13, 2023 | Blog

Your Midlife Manifesto: The Science-Baked Secret to An Empowered State of Mind

Last week, I pulled my favorite pair of jeans out of the closet, and boy did they feel tight. 

(In fact, it took me back to my teenage days, laying on the bed to squeeze into my 501’s, using a coat hanger to pull the zipper up over my hips.)

Only this time, I don’t feel quite so hot. I’m under no illusions. And when that kind of thinking starts, I can feel myself teetering on the rabbit hole of negativity:

‘Oh boy. Here comes the midlife paunch.’

‘I’ll have to stop wearing that kinda thing.’ 

‘I’m just too old to get away with it.’ 

Because sure, I happen to be a women’s midlife coach. But that doesn’t mean I’m immune to the occasional negative self-talk when something derails me. (And yes, that ‘something’ may be as simple as finding it damn near impossible to fasten the top button on my beloved 501s.)

And I know I’m not the only one… 

Because so often my clients arrive at our first session together armed with layer upon layer of negative self-talk. Most don’t realize they’re doing it, but the outcome is still the same:

These brilliant, inspiring women are left with chronic feelings of unworthiness, which in turn limit their success, happiness and potential—and means they’re far more likely to settle for less in their lives…

 

The Power of Language is No Joke, Especially Our Own Inner Dialogue with Ourselves

Yes, even the most seemingly innocuous, or benign phrases such as ‘I don’t have enough time’ can keep you stuck in a holding pattern. 

And as for my midlifer’s personal favorite, ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,’ well, I’m here to tell you that’s simply not true!

Not only is it absolutely possible to teach yourself new tricks at any point in your life—but in order to talk yourself down from that ledge, it’s entirely possible to rewire your brain, and develop new patterns of thinking. 

In fact, if you want to evolve and develop as a human being, it’s essential. 

That’s why I’m about to pull back the curtain on one crucial step in my signature program. It’s a proven technique I use with all my clients, that in turn will help you walk away with a mantra—and help you flip the script from ‘I can’t,’ to ‘I can. And what’s more, I will!’ 

But first let’s uncover how and why this is possible.

And it’s all thanks to neuroplasticity… 

 

What is Neuroplasticity?

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to create new neural pathways. Usually, we tend to think of this as purely physical—for example, recovery from a traumatic event such as a stroke. 

But, in everyday terms, neuroplasticity simply means that the brain is capable of rewiring itself or adapting to change.

In fact, until relatively recently, scientists believed that our brain was hardwired by our 20s—and our thought processes, patterns and personality were immovable.

But that coudn’t be further from the truth. Now we know that the brain doesn’t stop regenerating or reorganizing—and with the right techniques and strategies, it’s possible to shatter old patterns of thinking. 

Think about it this way: when you’re first learning to ski, it’s likely you’ll follow the same route down the mountain. Those pathways will become embedded, and leave deep distinct grooves in the snow.

Then, as your confidence or curiosity grows you’ll find that it’s possible to choose a different path through the snow, and a new pattern will emerge…

Or even a new pattern of thinking.  

 

Step Into the Power of Aging

The truth is with aging comes wisdom. Because, when you hit your 40’s and beyond, you are more in tune with your own true self than you ever have been.

And as I like to remind my clients, ‘if not now when?!’ 

But if you want to re-evaluate your life, and grab it with both hands, you need to let yourself think bigger—and take the small steps that will create a cumulative ripple effect, and lead to real lasting change. 

And here’s what that looks like… 

 

Craft Your Own Midlife Manifesto

Remember how taking that new, more positive path down the mountain, can rewire your subconscious? Well, it’s these new trends and new neural pathways that will start the ripple effect you need to manifest more in your life.

And a Midlife Manifesto is the guiding light that will keep you on track.

I use mine to remind myself of what’s important when the going gets tough. It gives me the permission to not always have the answers, and instead choose to fill my life with love and laughter—whatever curveballs may come my way.  

Let me share it with you now:

‘I AM NOT DONE!

In fact, I’m finally figuring it out.

At every age comes advantages and disadvantages.

And I am choosing to focus on the advantages of each stage of my life.

Until my last breath, I have no intention to settle for the status quo.

I am done with beating myself up, and would rather embrace self-growth.

I give myself permission to not always have the answers, while still filling my life with love and laughter.

I will determine the ‘fullness’ of my life (not my age).’

You will see that my manifesto is fundamental to who I am as coach, helping women through midlife. It sets out clearly that I am the one who will determine what I am or am not capable of. 

Will my life become more limited? Probably. Will I still be able to get on the Peloton and kick some ass? Maybe not… But the point is, it will be my choice. And this manifesto is there to remind me: I will not settle for less, mentally and physically until my last breath.

My midlife manifesto is my skin in the game when life gets tough. 

And now it’s your turn… 

Take a pen, pour a glass of wine—and write your own Midlife Manifesto. And, if you need prompts to get going, my 10 Question Toolkit will help you uncover what you want most of in and for your life. 

But that’s not all… 

Keep that manifesto as a talisman. Pin it to a board in your office (like I did), or (as one of my clients once did) laminate your manifesto and keep it in your purse, for whenever your confidence needs a jolt.

Because here’s what I want you to remember: Your words matter. 

And they are your key to unlock a more empowered state of mind. 

XO

Holly

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    I AM…

    I AM…

    by | Jun 7, 2023 | Blog

    Who Are You? Really…?

    Here’s what I know to be true: every woman has wings. But some need help to color them in.

    Some are washed out. Some need to color over the lines. Others? A touch of glitter…

    Now, some clients, when they come to me, have incredible wings. Their feathers are bright. They sparkle (and they know it!)

    BUT… they’ve been clipped. They’re caged, and they’ve lost their voice.

    So, what do I mean by all this?

    Well, maybe life feels like a sh*tshow right now? Perhaps you woke up this morning and thought:

    • I’m so done with being someone’s puppet.
    • I’m f*cking clueless.
    • I haven’t had my voice for so long. 
    • I have no idea…
    • What do I really want?                                                                                                                                                                   

    Because here’s the truth: ALL of us, now and then, need help remembering who we are.

    Yes, that’s right. I don’t care how beautiful your wings are, or how you got here. Every woman comes to me at a different level—and could benefit from some more color, more life in her wings.

    Let’s try it out… 

    If I asked you ‘who are you?’ I expect your first thought would be to list what you do, or your relationship to other people: i.e. wife or mother, or your job title.  

    But these are labels defined by society, not the true essence of you. 

    So, what if you’re reading this and think: ‘Holly, I’ve spent so long looking after everyone else, I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know where to start…’

    Well, that’s where the ‘Who Am I?’ exercise comes in.

    Its purpose is simple: to understand how your strengths, gifts and values meld to form who you are.

    Because here’s the thing: every experience until this point has shaped your perception of the world…

    And that’s why midlife is the perfect time to find out what color you want your wings to be—or in other words, who you really are.

    So, grab a pen and paper, pour a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and work through the following questions:

     Step 1: Identify your key descriptors:

    • What are the 5-10 most important values in your life?
    • How would you describe the attributes you most like about yourself?
    • What do other people admire most about you—and what is the impact you have on them? 

    Hint: if you can’t objectively see your gifts and strengths, it can help to reach out to up to 5 people in various parts of your life, and ask what they see as your unique qualities, attributes, or characteristics. Ask, why do you mean so much to them? And how do you impact their life?

     (This also helps realize your impact, and gives you direction towards ‘who you are.’)

    • What core beliefs about life serve you best?
    • What makes you unique, or stand out from others?
    • What makes you feel most passionate, satisfied, and most fulfilled?
    • If you had to name one feeling that you would like to have most often, what would that be?

    Step 2: Put an X by the 5-10 most important words from the list you made, and convert those 5-10 descriptors to nouns. 

    (For example, if ‘being healthy’ is one of your key descriptors, convert to ‘health.’ If ‘honest’ is one, convert to ‘honesty.’)

    Step 3: Take these nouns and make them into ‘I Am’ statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. You should have at least 5 statements, beginning with ‘I am”. (For the examples above, your statements would be ‘I am Health’ and ‘I am Honesty.’)

    Step 4: Rank each order of these statements by numbering them from 1 (as the most powerful) to the least powerful/descriptive of the list.

    Record your final ‘I Am’ statements, in rank order below, so you can refer to them later on.

    Step 5: Finally, seriously consider all of your final ‘I Am’ statements in relation to how you currently live. And ask yourself:

    What adjustments could you make?

    How well do you currently bring who you are into everything you do?

    Look at the different roles you play in your life. You may be a spouse, a parent, a child, a worker, a sibling, a friend, etc. Which roles do you believe are true to yourself, or where your true self shines? Which roles does your true self hide?

    In other words: what color do you want your wings to be?

    Or who are you… really?

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. If you enjoyed this exercise, and want to go one step further, grab my 10 Question Toolkit. 

    It will give you the skillset to not only manage the midlife mayhem—but master it.

    GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

       

       

       

       

       

       

      Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

      Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

      by | May 3, 2023 | Blog

      Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

      Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

      … Is something my clients and I often joke about. 

      Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

      • Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
      • Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
      • Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

      When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

      Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’) 

      Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

      Well, for me, this only tells half the story… 

      Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…? 

      What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?) 

      What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

      Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’ 

      (Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

      To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

      Part 1: Acceptance

      And all this means is: accepting where you’re at. 

      Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.) 

      No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

      This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.  

      Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

      Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

      BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

      Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to. 

      (Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway: 

      An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome. 

      Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

      Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

      Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

      And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened… 

      Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion. 

      Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me? 

      But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

      And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

      So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

      Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age… 

      So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had. 

      Rooting for you,

      XO

      Holly 

      P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

      GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

       

       

       

       

       

       

         

         

         

         

         

         

        Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

        Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

        by | Mar 7, 2023 | Blog

        Pulling Back The Curtain..

        Let me tell you a little story about Vicky…

        Vicky’s been my client for many, many years. And in that time (she wouldn’t mind my telling you) her perspective’s done a 180°. 

        For years Vicky dreaded retiring. Her husband wanted to head to Florida—and hands down she didn’t. Her son was in New York, her daughter getting married. Vicky thought she’d be isolated, lonely, and at this time of her life? Really wasn’t grooving to a retirement state of mind… 

        But she took the plunge…

        And couldn’t have been more wrong.

        Now, if I Zoom Vicky, I can see the happiness in her eyes. She has more friends than ever, she’s at the beach every week, her daughter moved down with her grandson—and Vicky’s life is complete. 

        But all it took was a little bravery, and embracing the unknown.

        And then there’s Randy, who I’ve coached for nearly 5 years….

        When we met, Randy was divorced—and sworn off men. Romance was never a topic of conversation. She was closed to any possibility of love, or being in a relationship again. 

        Randy thought she was happy alone. (At least until she met David at a friend’s cocktail party…) 

        Randy’s 67.

        Or there’s Maggie, who in a matter of years, went from owning her own company, and all the prestige that comes with that—to uncovering chaos behind the scenes, making her escape, and building a new life for herself outside the corporate world.  

        Now Maggie’s connected to her purpose and (despite her children leaving home) blazes a trail on the board of a local college. 

        But, why am I telling you all this?

        Well, let me be clear with you here: these women might be my clients, but I can’t take ALL the credit for this. 

        Despite how this might read, it’s not like I spread magic dust on people. (If only it was that easy!)

        All of these women have been through a process. It takes time, and it’s super exciting to watch (especially as I struggle right now, to juggle homelife with the needs of my mom).

        No, the truth is Vicky, Randy and Maggie all have one big thing in common: they’re radically reframing aging.

        They refuse to be cow-towed by the media, bombarding us with pictures of youth and unrealistic expectations of beauty. They ignore the constant calls for botox, nips and tucks—and the need to hold onto some warped notion that success and happiness is the privilege of the young. 

        Now, of course this doesn’t come without apprehension. Yes, all of these women felt scared and nervous about the future. But they’ve stepped out of their comfort zones, embraced the unknown, and frankly…

        They’re killing it. 

        And they’re not the only ones… 

        Because I’m noticing a trend. Not only have many celebrity women stopped trying to hide their age (think of the ‘Sarah Jessica Parker Goes Gray!’ headlines that went viral last year) but they’re speaking up about the truth of midlife: that it can be more powerful and fulfilling than ever before. 

        Just get a load of this:

        ‘I think women come into their 40s—certainly mid-40s—and think, Oh, this is the beginning of the decline…things start to change and fade in directions that I don’t want them to go in anymore…  

        ‘But I’ve decided, no. We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy… We grow into ourselves more. We have opportunities to speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us. And not care what we look like so much.’

        • Kate Winslet, 47, on BBC’s Woman’s Hour. 

        Or as Glennon Doyle, 46, so fantastically puts it: 

        ‘Oh holy yes! Aging is the best thing to ever happen to me. Aging is unbecoming all the women I thought I was supposed to be, and breathing for God’s sake. 

        ‘Aging is like being one of those Russian nesting dolls and peeling off costumes one at a time-till I’m left as that little solid doll. Just that one. Nothing too big or wobbly.

        ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.
        ‘Beloveds in your twenties and thirties: It GETS BETTER!!!!!’

        And… she’s right. 

        It’s time to say enough is enough of that ‘I’m too old,’ ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ mentality —

        It’s bullsh!t. 

        And probably one of midlife’s biggest, ugliest, craziest myths.

        And what’s more, believing myths around aging literally harms our health, and makes us more vulnerable to the fears we hold onto as we get older.

        But what can you do, day to day, to change your internal narrative around midlife. Well, you can start by remembering there are plenty of inspiring women who are choosing this path and then surround yourself with knowledge and support to age powerfully. 

        Know this: you’re not too old, and it’s never too late. 

        And, even if you can’t quite feel that ‘aging is the best thing to ever happen to you,’ taking a leaf out of Jamie Lee Curtis’s book is a not a bad place to start: 

        ‘My motto is, ‘If not now, when? And, if not me, who?’ And, that has unleashed me and freed me, and allowed me to do everything I’m doing with zero attachment.’

        • Jamie Lee Curtis, 64.

        Amen to that.

        XO 

        Holly

        P.S. On going gray, SJP said, ‘it became months and months of conversation about how brave I am for having gray hair… I was like, please please applaud someone else’s courage on something!

        ‘We spend so much time talking about the accumulation of time spent adding up in wrinkles, and it’s the weirdest thing that we don’t say it adds up to being better at your job, better as a friend, better as a daughter, better as a partner, better as a caregiver, better as a sister…’

        Yup, surround yourself with inspirational women—and the impact on your mindset, outlook and actions will be profound. 

         

         

         

         

         

         

         

         

           

           

           

           

           

           

          Time To Clean House??

          Time To Clean House??

          by | Jun 3, 2022 | Blog

          How To Deal With Challenging Relationships 

          “I have a ‘friend.” 

          She’s combative. Cutting. Once we had commonality but now… She’s the kind of friend that walking away from the party you feel kinda… sober.

          Or driving home—you don’t even realize it—but find yourself thinking… ‘Why don’t I feel so great?’

          And then it clicks. ‘Ohhh. She was being an asshole.’ 

          Hmmm.   

          Maybe this resonates with you?

          Because truth be told this is a HUGE topic of conversation in my coaching world. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re single or married—Ladies, at our time of life, we’re thinking about cleaning house…

          We ALL want to be surrounded by real, authentic human beings who aren’t pretentious, don’t expect us to be Superwoman—but do boost us up…

          Yet, we’ve tolerated certain relationships for far too long.

          So, what can you do about it? 

          Well, there are 5 methods for managing draining relationships. 

          (But the truth is, most people retreat to #1…)

          1. Remain a victim to it
          2. Change it
          3. Change perspective of it
          4. Accept it 
          5. Leave it

          Let’s unpack these a little…

          1. Remain a Victim To The Relationship

          In other words, continue to allow this relationship to drain you. This most likely includes a feeling of loss of control, powerlessness, uncontrolled anger, grief and depression. Worst case scenario? It’ll keep draining us till nothing is left.

          Ask yourself…

          • What is blocking my willingness to change this relationship?
          • If I’m not willing to change the relationship at this point, what’s my target timeline for re-evaluation?                                                                                               

          2. Change The Relationship

          Here we recognize that you can take proactive action to change the relationship (or some aspect of it) so that you can remain in it and benefit from it. 

          For example, you may find a common point of agreement that enables the relationship to continue—at least at a neutral level—releasing and reconciling differences, developing coping mechanisms, or taking action from higher levels of energy in order to shift the energy of others and yourself.

           Ways you can do this:

          • Resolve/repair conflict 
          • Create opportunities to grow and experience life together
          • Connect with the bigger picture of the relationship

          Ask yourself, why is this relationship important? What’s your common ground? And how can you both benefit from being in the relationship?

          3. Change Perspective of It

          Rather than changing the relationship with actions and new behaviors, a relationship can also be changed through modifying and shifting how we look at it. The bottomline here? Different ‘lenses’ bring different experiences.

          Ask yourself, how can you look at this draining and/or challenging relationship with a fresh pair of eyes? 

          And consider this…

          • What qualities do you appreciate in the other person—and how can you stay connected to this?
          • How can you see the other person from a new vantage point?
          • How can you experience the relationship from a different position?

          *This strategy can also be very effective with past relationships that are still emotionally charged within you, despite the relationship being over or currently non-existent. 

          (Think a painful divorce or even a deceased individual. In either case you could be so wracked by pain and guilt that you’re having a hard time moving forward.) 

          4.Accept The Relationship

          Here, you suspend judgment, stress and burden associated with the relationship. You are accepting it just as it is… and ‘as it is’ is okay. The relationship requires nothing but acceptance of peace for this moment in time.

          3 Strategies to Consider:

          • The use of centering techniques
          • Daily mantras 
          • Other self-help techniques to enhance your ability to remain stress free when engaged in this challenging relationship (i.e. physical reminders, knowing your limits, or minimizing duration of time spent alone with the person in question)

          The key is to find whatever it takes to help you remain in the relationship—and not feel drained by it. 

          5. Leave The Relationship

          If you don’t like the relationship and you cannot/will not remain in it…

          Or you’ve tried to change the way you look at it (and can’t) then your remaining option is to leave. Or terminate it. Respect the other person, and yourself as human beings and know that sometimes we cannot co-exist. 

          There is no judgment necessary. This is not good or bad—it simply is.

          Ask yourself…

          • How ready are you to leave?
          • What is your plan to transition out of the relationship?

          * If you are less than 100% ready to leave, develop plans to shift your readiness, or reconsider your strategy.

          And finally, here’s a simple truth that might help you to visualize…

          There are 3 types of friends. The ones you keep in the kitchen, the ones on the front porch, and the ones you keep out on the street. 

          So, what’s the difference?

          Well, your kitchen is the heart of the house. They’re your nearest and dearest…

          Those on the front porch—we’ll keep them at arm’s length. But if nurtured and cultivated, maybe they too could be welcomed with open arms…

          And those on the street? We’ll keep it lighthearted. ‘Hey how are you?’ (No need for anything more…)

          But why am I telling you this? 

          Because if you’re reading this, I’d wager at this point in your life… you’re seeing things differently.

          Maybe what once seemed to work for you—isn’t. Perhaps even back then you didn’t realize this wasn’t an ideal relationship, but you just kinda sucked it up…

          And now you’re tired of sucking it up.

          And finally, how did I resolve my difficult friendship?

          I’ve accepted it. I keep her on the street. It’s not gonna get any better than this—that’s not who she is. 

          And I use the presence of others as buffers… 

          XO

          Holly

          P.S. Consider taking some time this month to examine your relationships more closely… 

          Ask yourself, how do key relationships in your life affect your spirits? Are they raising you up or dragging you down? What can you do to foster ‘healthier’ relationships?

          Contact me today for a complimentary session, and together we can strategize on how to maximize ALL your relationships…