Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

by | Jan 5, 2024 | Blog

Perfect Read This Instead…

It’s January — and you know what that means… 

In line at the supermarket, you’re hit by all the articles on health and wellbeing. You’ll go back to the gym. Dust off that yoga mat (or Peloton). Write that book/see your best friend more/eat less carbs… 

You’ve got your resolutions. New year, new you, right? And you are on it. 

Sound familiar? 

Well, it might — in more ways than one. Because this is exactly how I started January’s blog post 2 years ago. 

So, why am I shamelessly repurposing old content — and drawing attention to it at that?! 

Well, for one simple reason… 

Every year, as the clock strikes midnight and the New Year rolls around, millions of us will resolve to reinvent ourselves. Because whether it be health, money, a new career, or just deciding to argue less (after a week of in-laws and hosting) one thing’s for certain…

This year will be better… 

And yet, by February, 80% of us will have broken (or forgotten) our New Year’s resolutions.

Well, being a women’s life empowerment coach (and a decade as a qualified psychotherapist before that) resolutions and goal setting are all too familiar to me. 

It’s why I can recognize the pressure you put on yourself not to fail every year… 

And I also know that — just like my opening paragraph — if you cast your mind back, chances are your goals this year, will be suspiciously similar to last year’s… 

So, why should we expect this one to be any different? 

Well, that’s why, I’m not about to give you even more strategies to set realistic resolutions — and stick to them. (And in fact, if that’s what you’re after, my YouTube lives back in December give you a 4-Part Recipe for Goal Setting Success.)

No, today is about knowing HOW to dismantle the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that put you in a never ending loop of setting resolutions each year — and feeling crushed when you’ve ‘failed’ by February.  

Now, dismantling these gremlins is in fact, a HUGE piece of my work with women, but rarely do we apply them to goal setting or New Year’s resolutions. 

Which is a mistake, because in reality making this one simple shift can have a profound impact… 

Or, as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently puts it:  

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” 

Now, I love this quote because she calls out something we’re all too familiar with… 

In other words, until we’re genuinely honest about where we’re at in our lives — or able to call out the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that are holding us back — how can we ever hope to put our goals into action? 

So, what does that look like in practice? 

Well, let’s take one of the most popular resolutions I see women make in January (after all the baked goodies, champagne and eggnog has settled). 

Yes, you guessed it: Losing weight. Getting fitter. 

Or (as I like to call it) feeling more vibrant.  

Now, your limiting beliefs around this might look something like, ‘I’ll never swim 30 lengths of the pool’ or ‘I’ll never feel as fit as I did in my 20’s.’ 

But here’s the deal: if from the outset you let that negative narrative chip away at you how can you ever possibly achieve that goal? 

The same works for any resolution you make — that new career, the house move, even worrying less about your children. The fact is none of these are remotely achievable, if you know, deep down you’ll talk yourself out of it.

But there is something you can do about it… 

How To Conduct a Visioning Exercise 

The truth is, negative self talk can quickly spiral. Seriously, how many times in your life have you become stuck, and rigidly hold onto things, or pooh-pooh away any choices you may have?

Well, that’s all it takes to break a resolution. 

That’s why when they’re spiralling, I ask my clients to write a list of the most outlandish things they can think of for this second half of life. Because, now more than ever, it’s important to remove a sense of reality from the situation. 

For example:

Want to swim 30 lengths? Why not do a triathlon!

Want to learn French? Move to Paris for 6 months! 

Want to travel more? Take up skydiving while you’re at it! 

Seriously, the trick is to go to town on this. Because so much of our stuckness comes from rigidly clinging onto narrow choices. But when we bust that open, a world of possibilities emerge…

And suddenly you’ll realize this year’s resolution to wear your bikini on that dream trip to the Maldives really isn’t that outlandish at all… 

You’ll STOP flatlining your possibilities or settling for mediocrity…

And what’s more, you’ll never again risk seeing yet another year come and go — or watching your resolutions go up in February smoke. 

XO

Holly

P.S. If this post struck a chord, and you’d like more exercises to strengthen your resolution and resolve — here are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Watch my YouTube lives with Lucie Q — and discover the 4-Part Recipe to map out your vision, set effective goals, uncover why they fail and dodge those midlife curveballs. 
  2. Download Your Free Values Assessment. This will help work out what your real, true values are, and kickstart your ‘Why’ — all super crucial to keep your resolutions on track.

     

     

     

     

    The Dreaded ‘Trifecta of Midlife’ (and what you can do about it)

    The Dreaded ‘Trifecta of Midlife’ (and what you can do about it)

    by | Dec 1, 2023 | Blog

    Why Do So Many Women Feel Irrelevant In Midlife 

    I remember the first time it happened. 

    I was standing in line at the bagel store looking down at my phone, when a voice in front of me called out—

    “Can I help you Ma’am?”

    Huh?

    I turned around — 

    And I’m thinking, ‘Who? Me? Ma’am?! Who’s ‘Ma’am?’

    I was wearing sunglasses for heaven’s sake!

    I’d just been working out. I had a vest on, my hair scrunched up on top of my head. 

    Wow. Is it my hair? Is it my posture? What is it about me that looks so much older? (Yup, all these thoughts flashed through my mind in a nanosecond.)

    “Ma’am?!” (He was getting impatient now.) “How can I help you?”

    So, I sighed. And took a step forward in line—both literally, and metaphorically. 

    Because somehow I’d moved up a notch. 

    I was officially middle aged.  

    And for a moment, that feeling my clients talk about so often flashed into my mind: 

    ‘I feel invisible. And irrelevant.’

    Now, I’m okay sharing this with you because I know you feel the same. 

    When? 

    Every time you look in the mirror, second guess your dress choice—and that inner critic screams ‘you’re way too old for that!’ 

    Every time you glance down at your stretch marks, and pull that coverup over your bikini…

    Every time you walk past a construction site—and don’t get wolf-whistled. 

    (C’mon… admit it! And yes, the feminist in me hated it too when I was younger.)

    But all this is no surprise, because our youth obsessed society conditions us to believe that our relevance is attached to how attractive we are — 

    Or how much attention we get from men.

    But here’s the thing…

    While that may be one reason, to pin it all on this is to do ourselves a disservice. Because irrelevance in midlife is about so much more than mere attractiveness…

    And in fact, after a decade of hearing my clients agonize over this, I can tell you it comes down to not 1, but 3 universal truths (and my own personal spin on it…)

    So, let’s start from the top…  

    1. Our Youth Obsessed Culture

    Washed up. Dried out. And my own personal favorite, ‘spinster.’ 

    Yikes. Over the years there have been some damn offensive terms for a woman of a certain age (especially if she’d never been married). 

    And although those terms are outdated now, you could argue they’ve been replaced by something else—a youth obsessed culture that tells us we have so much less to give physically or sexually…

    Our social media feeds are full of makeup, hair extensions, and tight dewy skin. Lunch hour ‘botox-breaks’ are the norm. Younger women snap at the heels of our career…

    Whoa. It’s no surprise that many of us still think our relevance is defined by how attractive men find us. 

    Especially when you wake up and realize… 

    2. You Don’t Feel ‘Middle Aged’

    Just like my bagel-boy example above, the truth is middle age creeps up on us—then slaps us in the face with a jar of Pond’s cold cream. 

    My point? It feels like only last week I was a ‘miss’—and now I’m a ‘Ma’am.’ (And an ex-runner turned Peloton obsessive, with two hip replacements to boot.) 

    WTAF? 

    Now, however middle-aged is ‘supposed’ to feel, I’m not feeling it. And neither is anyone around me…

    (Heck, even Carrie Bradshaw and co are struggling.)

    3. Your Life is Changing Up

    Children leaving home, going to college and getting married…

    Parents aging—and needing so much more from us…

    Technology, AI and feeling like we can’t keep up… 

    Good and bad, wherever we look, the world—and our lives—are changing. 

    And when you throw menopause into the mix, well, you could say the very definition of midlife is ‘change.’

    Physically and mentally, midlife throws so much more at us than we bargained for… 

    And that brings me to bonus point number 4, or my own personal take on this… 

    Your Way Forward Has Disappeared. And There Is No Roadmap…

    Here’s the deal: most of us have spent our lives putting others first. We’ve been the perfect wife, mother or daughter for so long… 

    We’ve been to college, raised families, and had successful careers. 

    In fact, we’ve been spoon fed since day one what we should and shouldn’t be doing, how we can excel, how we should operate as women. And I strongly believe us Gen-Xers, the late baby boomers have had the worst of it.  

    In short? We’ve had many, many decades of putting ourselves in a box of what everyone else should expect us to do.

    We’ve never tapped into our true, authentic self. We’ve never found out what our preferences might actually be. (Or we abandoned them for family and work.)

    We’ve played nice and not ruffled any feathers.

    And as a result? When our children leave home, or career changes up, we feel tired and irrelevant…

    Our purpose has vanished…

    And we find ourselves asking… 

    “Who am I anyway?” 

    Maybe this resonates?

    Well, if it does, know this, you are definitely not alone. (In fact, I can’t tell you how many clients come to me with those exact same feelings.) 

    But here’s the deal: it doesn’t have to be that way. And it’s never too late to flip the script on this.

    The Secret? Learn How To Invest in Yourself in Midlife

    Now, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t easy when you’ve spent a lifetime thinking about the wants, needs and preferences of others…

    But this is your time now.  

    And you must take these steps. Because every single woman I know who overcomes her feelings of irrelevance is invested in her own self development—they focus on their personal growth, they work out what their interests might be, they take up new hobbies. 

    They refuse to buy into our youth obsessed culture—because they know it’s just one narrative. Online, they follow women who inspire them, and light them up. They embrace an Experimental Mindset. 

    They know their world is there to be shaped, and they refuse to give in…

    And second? They stay connected. They join clubs, and move amongst people who see them for what they truly are. They feel seen, heard, and relevant.

    In fact, this is the exact reason I don’t feel irrelevant. (Well, at least until some young server dares to call me ‘Ma’am.’ 😉

    Seriously now. I’ve done the legwork, I have exposure to so many tools to help me, and I’m lucky to be in this industry.

    And the reason I don’t have that piece is because I’ve built a very strong sense of self. 

    I know who I am. 

    And I’m here to help you feel the same. 

    XO 

    Holly 

    P.S. If you’re reading this thinking, ‘but Holly, I’ve no idea what my own preferences and needs, wants and desires might be!’ My 10 Question Toolkit is a great place to start. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

    How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

    by | Nov 9, 2023 | Blog

    A Seven Step Prescription For an Experimental Mindset in Midlife

    Now, if you’re reading this I’m assuming you’re the kind of woman who’s regularly looking for new ways to up her game—and feel fitter, happier, and more contented in your life? 

    But, in your never ending search for more, do you ever feel like there’s just too much out there? 

    And I mean ‘too much’ in the way of…  

    What you should be doing? 

    How you should be exercising? 

    What you should be eating? (Not to mention all the scary conditions just waiting round the corner, that make you feel like staying under the covers.)

    Well, how the heck should we know what’s right for us, and take a balanced approach to staying healthy and well —

    Or even get into our good place (the magic) ✨ with everything that’s going on?

    Well, THAT was the exact question I was asked on a podcast recently, and it’s something I’ve been mulling over ever since. 

    Because although I do my damndest to pull back the curtain on midlife, and help women uncover the right path for them, even I feel bombarded by all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ out there…

    But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the key to tell what’s right for you, and uncover your truest sense of self, is to embrace an experimental mindset. 

    Now before you stop and say, ‘Holly, I just don’t jive to that! I want absolutes, not more things to try out!’ 

     … Just hear me out for a second. 

    Because the truth is you’re going to have to embrace this if you want to figure out what really lights you up in life.

    So that’s why I came up with my 7-Part Prescription for an Experimental Mindset.

    (And yes, I called it ‘prescription,’ because if you’re feeling resistant—it’ll make it easier to swallow. Plus it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. So here’s what that looks like:

    1. Investigate

    Start by thinking about those people who are in alignment with your value base*, your personality and what lights you up. Follow them on social media, read their books, listen to their podcasts, watch their films. 

    Then…

    2. Choose

    In other words, based on your intuition and what feels right for you—pick an idea or strategy to try on for size.

    Now, the beautiful truth here is we’re so much wiser now! And SO DONE with anything that no longer serves us. And yes, it’s time to get ruthless. Delete the feed from the 20 year old doing lunges, or the influencer in hotpants that makes you feel inadequate. 

    And instead replace them with inspirational women. Women who embody who you are, and where you want to go. Trust me, it’ll serve you in the long run… 

    3. Experiment

    This is all about establishing your strategy. Not sure what that is? Take advice from friends, your doctor, people you respect—in other words, people who you know have your best intentions at heart. 

    (And if you’ve been thinking about trying that plant-based diet, or taking up pickleball? Now’s the time to do it…)

    4. Listen to Subjective Feedback

    The crucial thing to remember here is any new start will (probably) feel sticky at first. In fact, that’s totally understandable. Ask yourself—is it a natural fit for you? Or does it rub up against who you are, and how you approach things?

    Subjective feedback means listening to your gut, and using your intuition. (Remember you’re so much wiser now!) 

    5. Get Objective Feedback

    This is exactly as it sounds—ask others for tangible results. 

    So what does that look like? Well, if you were a client, this is where understanding my 7 energy levels are a HUGE advantage, and I’d ask you where you’re resonating at right now. 

    But if you’re not, ask someone you trust. Are you more energized? Do you seem happier, or more contented? 

    Finally, take a step back and objectively ask yourself how you’re doing. (This may sound counterintuitive, but don’t forget: there’s real truth in your own objective wisdom.) 

    6. Evaluate

    Are you getting the results you desire? Are you excited, committed, eager to continue? (And have you given it enough time?!) 

    Which leads me to…

    7. Re-evaluate

    Now this step is crucial! I can’t say it enough…

    Why? Because so often we don’t give something a chance to work! We disregard fasting because it’s too damn hard, we turn up the heat on our cold shower, we pack in the yoga because we’ll never be able to bend like we could in our teens… 

    Well, maybe not. But y’know what? Who cares! And if you’ve learned anything by now in life you know none of this is going to be a homerun. You’re not going to knock it out of the park first time…  

    But the important thing is you trust the process, and you’ve reached the best conclusion for you, by assessing and evaluating. 

    And know this: You’re already a success in showing up for yourself. You became one the moment you chose to stand up and age powerfully.

    Rooting for you, 

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. I know this isn’t easy! Whatever age you are, starting something new can make you feel nervous, scared, and afraid you’ll fail. But as I like to say: ‘if not now when?!’ 

    … And there’s no failure in trying something new. 

    Now, if you want to learn more about embracing an experimental mindset in midlife, there are 2 things you can do next:

    1. Listen to the podcast episode, that kickstarted all this. Yup, this entire prescription came out of one simple question that Maryann LoRusso asked me on the More Beautiful podcast. (It’s amazing what happens when someone inspires you, right?)
    1. *Take my Values Assessment. If you’re new to this journey, and not sure what your true, core values are anymore (yes, they are changing up big time now in midlife) my Values Assessment will help you figure that out.