life satisfaction Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Where And Who You Are Now

by Holly Boxenhorn | Dec 1, 2019 | Blog

The Power In Acceptance

For many, December is a month of reflection. As we end the year and begin to contemplate new year resolutions, it’s a perfect time to surrender to the discipline of acceptance. Without acceptance we are only fighting or denying what is, making it almost impossible to behave proactively and move forward to create the change we seek in the coming year.

It’s important not to confuse acceptance with resignation. Resignation is an act of giving up of our control, quitting, or succumbing to less than desirable outcomes. Whereas acceptance is more about gaining control and increasing the likelihood for more optimal results through embracing what actually is, in order to better assist ourselves with the understanding of what really needs to be addressed.

So before we can create the change we desire for the coming year we must first accept where we are now. Grab some paper and pen and start considering how you spent this past year, what did you accomplish that you are proud of and where may have you fallen short. Let’s explore the highs and lows, celebrations and shortcomings to find the lessons to be learned from all our experiences, positive and negative and move forward with a renewed conviction in this new coming year.

Ask Yourself:

What were the most significant events (good or ugly) of the year past? (List the top 3)
What did you accomplish? (List wins and achievements)
What were your disappointments? ( Regarding yourself )
What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc)
What would you do differently? Why?
What do you feel especially good about? What was your greatest contribution?
What were the fun things you did? What were the not-so-fun?
How are you different this year than last?

Let these reflections inform your plans for the new year. Say good-bye to 2019. Give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought and welcome in 2020 with your eyes wide open and ready to move forward!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-Holly-

A Secret Elixir

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2019 | Blog

Surprising Benefits Of Finding A Hobby

Want a surefire way to improve the quality of your life, relationships, and mood? Get a hobby. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking as if it’s that simple, how could something so frivolous make that much of a difference? The last thing I need is another commitment. Hobbies are for people who lead quiet, relaxed lives, and have extra time. I get it, between the kids, work, staying on top of household responsibilities, the notion of a finding a hobby can sound like a waste of time. But actually, for those people who lead very full and busy lives, it’s all that more important to find a hobby. Think taking up a hobby is an ineffective, senseless, or self-indulgent way to use your time? Read on to discover the amazing benefits a hobby can have on your life.

Why Get A Hobby?

Relieves Stress & Lessens Negative Self-Talk- First and foremost hobbies relieve stress and clear our minds by keeping us engaged in enjoyable and positive tasks. Taking our attention away from the day-to-day challenges and issues we face.

Enhance Social Connections- Hobbies are something that you can frequently enjoy with other people. Whether you join a club, play in a league, or just come across people with similar interests and mindsets. Moreover, when you take some time to do something enjoyable it lifts our spirits so our current relationships reap the benefits of our improved mood.

Increase Confidence and Self Esteem- Your hobby is going to challenge you in someway, whether mentally or physically. As you overcome these challenges, your confidence will be boosted.

Enrich Who We Are– When people ask you what you do in your free time, hobbies prevent you from standing there and scratching your head in puzzlement. Hobbies give us something to talk about, adding layers to our identity. They give us space to view ourselves differently, exposing us to new ideas and different perspectives.

Promotes Productivity- Hobbies prevent burnout allowing us to take time out for ourselves, bringing us renewed energy and excitement. This will carry over to the rest of our activities whether at work or home. And since most hobbies usually require rearranging of our schedules to fit it in the activity, it forces us to manage our time more wisely and productively.

Don’t even know what pastime would make you happy? Best bet is to start by building on your own interests. Think about what you value most, examine your skills and personality, and pay attention to what excites you. Being outdoors, doing something physical or creative with others or alone. What skills would you like to learn, talents you want to develop, or experiences you crave? Brainstorm some ideas and try out a new activity from your list. Lastly, pay attention to how you feel during the experience and give it at least three to four attempts to get over the beginners’ hurdle. You may not find the right fit for you right away, but the upside is along the way you can have a lot of fun trying new things and exploring what’s out there. This summer take some time to check out a hobby or two, with the season’s warmer temperatures and longer daylight hours, along with for most, more liberties in our schedules makes for a perfect time to take some time enjoying an activity that is not attached to work or other commitments.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

All Goals Are Not Created Equal

by Holly Boxenhorn | May 1, 2019 | Blog

The Art of Powerful Goal Setting

Why does it go wrong so often? Why do people set goals that they fail to bring to fruition? Or, even more interesting: Why do people continue to express a feeling of lack even after they complete or achieve goals? Well, truth be told not all goals are created equal. There is actually a skillfulness behind setting goals that go the distance. Mindlessly setting and even effectively achieving goals in and of itself will not be enough to derive the outcomes we hope to achieve when we originally set them. Rather, it is in the skillfulness of creating goals that not only have extrinsic value (i.e. fame, fortune, power, and love) but most importantly intrinsic; identifying goals that are consistent with who we are, what lights us up, and coming from a place of choice.

Bottomline, when we exert effort pursuing goals that are close to our heart, we lock in with more conviction to see them through. Thus, a greater likelihood to attain a goal as well as enjoy the journey of its pursuit and complete satisfaction of it’s attainment while securing sustainment and quiet possibly further accomplishment. Why because these goals coordinate with our true selves, self-concordant goals infuse our life with purpose and simply said make us happier.

There are 3 basic conditions to powerful goal setting, I refer to them as the 3 A’s…

Affection – goals that you are passionate about, doing things you like to do, that serve a bigger purpose. For example, getting fit and healthy not just to lose weight and inches but to provide more energy so you can keep up with your kids or manage health risks.
Authenticity – engaging in goals that are aligned with how you see yourself, your personality, and what’s most important to you. Not Susie down the block or your mom’s take on things or for that matter the latest social media feed.
Autonomy – pursuing goals out of our own personal conviction, coming from a place of choice and freedom.

But of course applying the 3 A’s isn’t that simply, thus where in resides the crux of the problem and why so many of us find ourselves on the proverbial hamster wheel of life. Setting out with the best of intentions to develop self-concordant goals won’t be enough, we need to first get clear on our true authentic self, learn or rediscover what we are passion about, and identify the aspects of our lives that currently hold the most meaning to us. A great place to start is with my complimentary workbook, Discover Your Internal Compass. I created it for this very reason, bringing together many tools and explorations I’ve used over the years to help women secure and lean into powerful goal setting…download it today for free on my website.

Wishing You Always The Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

Coaching vs. Therapy

by Holly Boxenhorn | Oct 8, 2018 | Blog

What’s The Difference?

Having been a practicing psychotherapist for over 10 years I get asked a lot…what’s really the difference between what you do now as a women’s leadership coach opposed to what you did as a therapist? The answer is a lot! Though a big advocate of anything that results in greater self awareness and wellbeing, coaching to me has proven to be a more effective approach to supporting others who are ready to create change. Different then therapy, coaching doesn’t attempt to label someone and have them work well within that label (i.e depressed, anxious) rather it’s a discovery-based process of human potential, taking clients to the highest levels of performance and life satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, as a coach it’s not all “rah-rah sis boom bah”, goal driven work. There is still a ton of powerful emotions expressed, tears and frustrations all show up. Sadness and anxiety are all a part of the coaching experience. As with therapy, delving into the past is a part of the coaching process as well, but more as a means to provide understanding as to what may be holding one back. And let’s face it, creating more of what we want in and for our lives can be scary stuff so naturally we will feel vulnerable. That’s where wearing my therapist hat still comes in handy, I’m super comfortable with the uncomfortable and there’s likely nothing anyone can say that will surprise or unnerve me. But regardless, now as a coach I believe emotions serve more to educate us rather than define us. So my focus is on self-exploration and self-knowledge in order to enhance life satisfaction and performance. Whereas as a therapist my role primarily was to assist clients in feeling less pain through healing emotional wounds or manage a mental health diagnosis.

Now, as a coach I work collaboratively with clients. I don’t assume an authoritative role. Yes, I do educate women on many coaching concepts and tools they likely have never been exposed to. But it is a partnership where we design a program/plan based on each woman’s agenda and desired objectives. Rather then telling clients what they should do, I ask thought provoking questions that provide insights serving as a guide to help simplify how they will chose to move forward personally and/or professionally. My sole purpose is to be a complete objective party, that both challenges and supports clients. For me, it’s no longer about “curing” or “healing” clients but rather advancing their potential.

Bottomline, coaching serves a purpose therapy cannot as therapy serves a purpose coaching will not. One does not replace the other. Certainly, there have been times I have meet with people when I suggest therapy likely being a better fit for them at this time of their lives despite knowing I could easily rely on my 10 plus years as a therapist to work with them. But I firmly believe there shouldn’t be a crossover, there’s a time and a place for each profession. So if you’re trying to figure out which path would be best for you, don’t hesitate to reach out for a quick connect call. No strings attached, I will gladly help you figure that out.