Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

Sick Of All The How To Set A Resolution January Blog Posts?

Perfect Read This Instead…

It’s January — and you know what that means… 

In line at the supermarket, you’re hit by all the articles on health and wellbeing. You’ll go back to the gym. Dust off that yoga mat (or Peloton). Write that book/see your best friend more/eat less carbs… 

You’ve got your resolutions. New year, new you, right? And you are on it. 

Sound familiar? 

Well, it might — in more ways than one. Because this is exactly how I started January’s blog post 2 years ago. 

So, why am I shamelessly repurposing old content — and drawing attention to it at that?! 

Well, for one simple reason… 

Every year, as the clock strikes midnight and the New Year rolls around, millions of us will resolve to reinvent ourselves. Because whether it be health, money, a new career, or just deciding to argue less (after a week of in-laws and hosting) one thing’s for certain…

This year will be better… 

And yet, by February, 80% of us will have broken (or forgotten) our New Year’s resolutions.

Well, being a women’s life empowerment coach (and a decade as a qualified psychotherapist before that) resolutions and goal setting are all too familiar to me. 

It’s why I can recognize the pressure you put on yourself not to fail every year… 

And I also know that — just like my opening paragraph — if you cast your mind back, chances are your goals this year, will be suspiciously similar to last year’s… 

So, why should we expect this one to be any different? 

Well, that’s why, I’m not about to give you even more strategies to set realistic resolutions — and stick to them. (And in fact, if that’s what you’re after, my YouTube lives back in December give you a 4-Part Recipe for Goal Setting Success.)

No, today is about knowing HOW to dismantle the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that put you in a never ending loop of setting resolutions each year — and feeling crushed when you’ve ‘failed’ by February.  

Now, dismantling these gremlins is in fact, a HUGE piece of my work with women, but rarely do we apply them to goal setting or New Year’s resolutions. 

Which is a mistake, because in reality making this one simple shift can have a profound impact… 

Or, as Elizabeth Gilbert so eloquently puts it:  

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” 

Now, I love this quote because she calls out something we’re all too familiar with… 

In other words, until we’re genuinely honest about where we’re at in our lives — or able to call out the limiting beliefs and disempowering assumptions that are holding us back — how can we ever hope to put our goals into action? 

So, what does that look like in practice? 

Well, let’s take one of the most popular resolutions I see women make in January (after all the baked goodies, champagne and eggnog has settled). 

Yes, you guessed it: Losing weight. Getting fitter. 

Or (as I like to call it) feeling more vibrant.  

Now, your limiting beliefs around this might look something like, ‘I’ll never swim 30 lengths of the pool’ or ‘I’ll never feel as fit as I did in my 20’s.’ 

But here’s the deal: if from the outset you let that negative narrative chip away at you how can you ever possibly achieve that goal? 

The same works for any resolution you make — that new career, the house move, even worrying less about your children. The fact is none of these are remotely achievable, if you know, deep down you’ll talk yourself out of it.

But there is something you can do about it… 

How To Conduct a Visioning Exercise 

The truth is, negative self talk can quickly spiral. Seriously, how many times in your life have you become stuck, and rigidly hold onto things, or pooh-pooh away any choices you may have?

Well, that’s all it takes to break a resolution. 

That’s why when they’re spiralling, I ask my clients to write a list of the most outlandish things they can think of for this second half of life. Because, now more than ever, it’s important to remove a sense of reality from the situation. 

For example:

Want to swim 30 lengths? Why not do a triathlon!

Want to learn French? Move to Paris for 6 months! 

Want to travel more? Take up skydiving while you’re at it! 

Seriously, the trick is to go to town on this. Because so much of our stuckness comes from rigidly clinging onto narrow choices. But when we bust that open, a world of possibilities emerge…

And suddenly you’ll realize this year’s resolution to wear your bikini on that dream trip to the Maldives really isn’t that outlandish at all… 

You’ll STOP flatlining your possibilities or settling for mediocrity…

And what’s more, you’ll never again risk seeing yet another year come and go — or watching your resolutions go up in February smoke. 

XO

Holly

P.S. If this post struck a chord, and you’d like more exercises to strengthen your resolution and resolve — here are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Watch my YouTube lives with Lucie Q — and discover the 4-Part Recipe to map out your vision, set effective goals, uncover why they fail and dodge those midlife curveballs. 
  2. Download Your Free Values Assessment. This will help work out what your real, true values are, and kickstart your ‘Why’ — all super crucial to keep your resolutions on track.

     

     

     

     

    The Myth Of Having It All

    The Myth Of Having It All

    Hey ladies, remember these…?

    Those delightfully damaging Enjoli advertisements from the ‘80s?

    *Gulp.* (Imagine that making the Superbowl break nowadays?!)

    That’s right. As Gen X-ers we REALLY were spoon fed that we could ‘have it all.’ The children. The career. The husband…

    And of course we’d ‘never NEVER let him forget he’s a man.’

    Yikes.

    The thing is, whether it was our well intentioned mothers cheering us on — from a generation where women’s rights were little more than a novelty — or the subliminal craziness of ads like these popping up every 30 minutes…

    Where has this internal dialogue left us?

    >> Burnt out

    >> Exhausted

    >> Leaving our own wellbeing limping in last place

    And deep down you know that’s not serving anybody…

    So, this month I’m examining the psychology behind letting our purses (and our minds) constantly overflow with this baggage…

    I’m looking at why we ALL fall into one of 2 camps when it comes to aspiring for more in our lives…

    AND why we’re all still suffering from a bad case of comparisonitis. (And yes, what the heck we can do about it!)

    So ladies, let’s dive in!

    You may have heard of Tal Ben-Shahar? He’s a leading light in the world of positive psychology and one of my absolute heroes…

    Tal’s the author of 3 books including Happier, and taught the largest class in Harvard’s history: ‘Positive Psychology 101.’ He also founded the HSA (Happiness Studies Academy) where I studied for over a year — gaining coaching certification in the science behind happiness.

    Tal believes there are 2 distinct forms of perfectionism:

    1. The ‘Perfectionist.’ This individual who’s gotta be SO on point they’re suffering from anxiety, depression — even addictions.
    2. The ‘Optimalist.’ A healthy, striving individual who uses high standards to fuel their growth.

    And here’s the big difference: the Perfectionist fails to embrace reality. They’ll work 16 hours a day… AND stay super-healthy/be a model spouse/the perfect parent/be super active in the community/BFF to millions…

    BUT, they’re failing to embrace the constraints of reality. They simply can’t do all those things. And when they inevitably fall short of their own expectations, they beat themselves up and… it all comes crashing down. Perfectionism for them, has become a great source of misery.

    On the flip side, the Optimalist has equally high standards. But they rub their vision up against reality. They aspire to be their best — within reason. They understand there are only so many hours in the day, and healthily construct an OPTIMAL life within these boundaries.

    So, be honest now. Which one are you?

    If you’ve ever felt exhausted or burnt out, I think you’ll agree unhealthy perfectionist tendencies come with some serious consequences…

    But, the truth is, decades on from the Enjoli woman, we’re now a helluva lot wiser…

    And we are DONE playing by the rules that no longer serve us. 

    So, if we’ve been dealt a bad dose of the unhealthy perfectionist syndrome (as I call it) how can we still hold to a strong commitment AND evolve into the best version of ourselves? How can we embrace the constraints of reality just a little more today?

    In other words, how can we move our mindset from Perfectionist to Optimalist?

    Well, we can start by remembering ladies, life is not about perfection —

    Progress, yes.

    We can have it all. Just not all at once. 

    Be gentle on yourself. Remember, frying that bacon up in a pan after a hard day at work for your man is probably in your DNA! It’s gonna take a little rewiring to let that past conditioning go.

    But, now you’re aware of the difference. Which means you can actively bring your best self forward…

    So, next time you feel the pang of perfectionism, be realistic. Look at life through a different lens — and flip that script from Perfectionist to Optimalist.

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. If you’re a recovering perfectionist (and let’s face it, who isn’t?) how does it manifest in your life? When do you feel the wheels coming off? Hit me back and let’s talk about it.

    P.P.S. And if you want to read more about this topic Ben-Shahar’s book ‘Pursuit of Perfect’ is an ahem, perfect place to start.