Fake It Till We Make It??

Fake It Till We Make It??

The Science Behind “Acting As If”

Not to be confused with being disingenuous or sweeping our feelings under the rug…the popular expression “Fake It Till You Make” can actually be a valuable coping tool when the going gets tough. As hard as this is to believe, there is plenty of science proving we can actually trick ourselves into becoming more successful, increase our happiness, and become more confident. Researchers have found that “acting” a certain way allows our brains to “rehearse” a new way of thinking and can set off a favorable chain of events. So the next time you find yourself second guessing taking on that demanding work assignment, nervous about initiating a social gathering, unenthused about your evening plans, or simply feeling gloomy and uninspired, check out these go to practices to manage the challenge at hand.

 

  1.  Smile– Literally say CHEEESEE, force a smile. Evidence suggests your face, sends signals to your brain, informing it that you are experiencing a particular emotion and leading you to believe it. Smiling can trick the body into helping you elevate your mood because the physical act of smiling actually activates neural messaging in your brain. A simple smile can trigger the release of neural communication boosting neuropeptides as well as mood-boosting neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. It’s hard to argue with the expression…when you smile the whole wold smiles with you- smiling is contagious, starting a friendship, dissolving arguments, and spreading positivity.  

2. Strike a powerful pose– When we are feeling powerless, ineffective or unsure of ourselves, we tend to make our bodies as small as possible. We hunch our shoulders, cross our legs, bow our heads and use self-protective gestures. Conversely, when we feel powerful and dominant, our bodies tend to adopt an expansive pose. We spread our arms, sit or stand straight and widen the position of our arms and legs.   

Well known Harvard Business School social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, shared her findings  how adopting a powerful posture can affect our body chemistry. In her study, she had subjects adopt either a power stance—with their chest and head lifted and arms propped on their hips—or a meeker pose—hunched over with their arms crossed—for two minutes. The people who maintained power poses showed a decrease in the stress hormone cortisol and an increase in testosterone, a hormone related to dominance and confidence. These changes in hormone levels appear to positively influence a person’s behaviors – increasing confidence and performance in situations that are stressful or uncomfortable. 

Making power posing an integral part of our preparation for the important events of our life may actually help us achieve more. When we feel confident and powerful, we are more able to express ourselves and influence others. Using power posing may just give us that little extra edge we need. 

3. Act as if-Want to be more confident, optimistic, sociable, calm, healthy or fit,…act as if. When we act as if, we put into place those practices that support desirable states of being. It is through this practice, repetition of action steps, that then allows us to become more of what we want to be. So start aligning, spring into action-circulate at work events, dance at a party, feed your body as healthy person feeds herself, dress the part, embody calm and act confidently. Just start doing it! The more we rehearse something the better we will become at it and then the more natural it will feel.

 As anyone who knows me well will tell you, I’d never advocate being inauthentic or phony, nor lye to others about our competencies. “Acting As If” only works when we correctly identify something within ourselves that’s holding us back. It is both a mindset and action oriented tool assisting us in creating more of what we want in and for our lives, not meant to be a substitute for obtaining the knowledge and support we need to become a better version of ourselves.  

Wishing You Alway The Best Of Success 

-Holly-

 

 

Where And Who You Are Now

Where And Who You Are Now

The Power In Acceptance

For many, December is a month of reflection.  As we end the year and begin to contemplate new year resolutions,  it’s a perfect time to surrender to the discipline of acceptance. Without acceptance we are only fighting or denying what is, making it almost impossible to behave proactively and move forward to create the change we seek in the coming year. 

It’s important not to confuse acceptance with resignation. Resignation is an act of giving up of our control, quitting, or succumbing to less than desirable outcomes. Whereas acceptance is more about gaining control and increasing the likelihood for more optimal results through embracing what actually is, in order to better assist ourselves with the understanding of what really needs to be addressed.

So before we can create the change we desire for the coming year we must first accept where we are now. Grab some paper and pen and start considering how you spent this past year, what did you accomplish that you are proud of and where may have you fallen short. Let’s explore the highs and lows, celebrations and shortcomings to find the lessons to be learned from all our experiences, positive and negative and move forward with a renewed conviction in this new coming year.

Ask Yourself:

  • What were the most significant events (good or ugly) of the year past? (List the top 3)
  • What did you accomplish? (List wins and achievements)
  • What were your disappointments? ( Regarding yourself )
  • What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
  • What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc)
  • What would you do differently? Why?
  • What do you feel especially good about? What was your greatest contribution?
  • What were the fun things you did? What were the not-so-fun?
  • How are you different this year than last?

Let these reflections inform your plans for the new year. Say good-bye to 2019. Give thanks for the learning and usefulness this year has brought and welcome in 2020 with your eyes wide open and ready to move forward!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

-Holly-

 

 

 

Failing Is The New Black

Failing Is The New Black

Learn To Fail Or Fail To Learn

Here I was thinking I had such a catchy title, “Failing Is The New Black”, but when I googled it, literally tons of articles with the same or similar title came up. Thus, my point…failing is in! As much as it hurts to fail, it is an important part of life. In fact, it’s an  absolute must if you want to be successful. Simply said, failure teaches us in ways success cannot. If you’re not failing you’re likely not growing. The time has come to starting failing more!

If you really want to understand what it takes to succeed, bottom-line you need to rethink your relationship with failure and start embracing it more. Because as anyone who’s achieved something great will tell you, the road to success, with very few exceptions, is anything but a straight line. Though we all have been conditioned since a young age to equate failing with weakness there now is another school of thought which teaches that the path to success goes through failure, and that it is almost necessary to stumble and fall on your path to getting what you want. So here are some reasons that you shouldn’t fear failure, but rather embrace it.

1. Failure helps you refine your process -As Thomas Edison said it best, “I have not failed I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Use your failures as stepping-stones to evolve to the next best version of yourself, becoming increasingly more equipped and skilled, so you get it better the next time.

2. Failure makes you resilient -Every time we overcome something that is challenging to us but where we ultimately prevail, we build our resilience a little bit more. As a result we become more strong, increasing our ability to then withstand even greater challenges. 

3. Failure is inevitable, perfection is impossible –If you research the stories of the most successful people of our time, you’ll find they, too, have failed. It was failure that produced the success stories of people like Michael Jordon, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Walt Disney, just to name a few. It’s all apart of the process, no one goes from 0 to 100 overnight.

4. Failure helps you reach your potential – Extraordinary things will only happen as a result of extraordinary efforts. Embracing failure rather than avoiding it creates the conditions we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Otherwise, we will be more inclined to only work within them. To bring out the best in us-reach our greater potential-we must have a “no fear” attitude towards failure, allowing us to detach from the outcomes, knowing regardless of what comes, success is already in the works just by the sheer nature of trying.

Let’s face it, the sweetest victories are the ones that are the most difficult. When things come too easily, we don’t appreciate our achievements. You deserve to be proud of what you’ve done, and unfortunately that pride comes in no small part from the knowledge that you’ve overcome challenges and failures to arrive there. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid of not trying!

Wishing You the Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

Finding Your Sweet Spot

Finding Your Sweet Spot

Striving vs. Straining

We live in a “do more” culture — one that prides ourselves on how busy and full our lives can be.  A culture that endlessly encourages us to take on new goals and pile on task after task. But what happens when our to-do list starts to feel overwhelming…we burnout! Listen, I’m a leadership coach, I’m all about goals and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to tap into our greater potential. But there’s a fine line between striving and straining. 

Think of it this way, when we work out we purposely stress our muscles and cardiovascular system to overtax our bodies in order to build ourselves up. But it is in the recovery where we make the most gains.  When our body repairs and replaces damaged muscle fibers through a cellular process to fuse muscle fibers together to form new muscle protein strands. These new muscle protein strands enable us to get stronger and leaner improving our performance the next time we workout. The same holds true with our performance in life, there’s nothing wrong with “stressing” or “pushing” ourselves for a period of time just not all the time.

Truth is some stress in our lives is actually good for us. We learn how to be resilient, and get things done, our body primes us with an increase in blood flow and a healthy dose of adrenaline, making us more alert and attentive. However, chronic levels of stress, that is stress without reprieve for long periods of time, works against us, which hinders our performance and our wellbeing.  But as you can see stress isn’t the culprit here, it’s the lack of recovery.  More is not always better,  periods of recovery are necessary.  The key to high performance lies in both these actions where we push ourselves for periods of time to tap into greater potential yet factor in R& R.

Whether it be on a small level like a coffee break or stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, or even better yet a day off and a good night sleep, and of course on a bigger level through vacations, long weekends, and holidays to enjoy.  

I encourage you to find the sweet spot between striving and straining, know your tipping points and embrace pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as long as you are sure to factor in recovery!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-