happiness Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Joy, Happiness, Confidence-you choose!

by Holly Boxenhorn | Aug 3, 2022 | Blog

Unlock Your Superpower…

Maybe too much information…?

But, if I hear my freakin’ doctor tell me one more time—‘Holly, your vaginal walls are thinning because you’re getting older…’

I mean sheesh. Seriously? Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate that.

Let’s just add that to the endless list of midlife ‘fixes’ that you’re never quite prepared for:

>> The low-estrogen cream that’s $90 a pop to stop those damn urinary tract infections…

>> Figuring out whether to ramp it up in your career—or lay low till retirement…

>> Turning to your husband and thinking ‘what’s next?’ as you wave the kids off to college…

Yeah. There are a million-and-one reasons why midlife gets a bad rap—but I’m not having any of it.

And neither should you.

Let me perform a little test here, and ask you a question…

How could you move more proactively today, towards your future best self?

Please, take a moment to picture. And lean into your gut reaction.

Now, let me guess… Are you mentally listing all things you need to ‘fix’ about yourself, or your circumstances? 😉

If so, you’re not alone. It’s how nearly every woman I ask answers this question…

But this knee-jerk reaction isn’t gonna serve you.

Because the truth is it’s only through nurturing our strengths, NOT correcting our shortcomings—that we can actually experience growth, and get to where we want to be in life.

And identifying how to lean into our strengths—those core characteristics that come most naturally to us—is the key to reaching our goals.

FACT: There’s a huge amount of research over the past 15 years on the value of using our strengths to feel more fulfilled, live a higher quality of life, and have much more fun at work and home.

Don’t just take my word for it! Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, says that for a person to be truly happy and live a meaningful life, that person must recognize their personal strengths—and use these strengths for the greater good.

(It’s a stance that Forbes, Gallup and the VIA Institute on Character are also taking pretty seriously, advising parents to focus on their children’s strengths, not filling an imaginary skills gap in their ‘weakness.’)

Bottomline: If we’re to take Seligman’s advice, we should spend time trying to figure out these personal strengths—what we were born to do—without wasting time on making things harder for ourselves.

So, that’s why I’m making it super easy for you to do just that…

And developed a Midlife Advantage Quiz to help YOU shine a light on your own unique superpowers—and leverage your strengths to navigate midlife on your own terms.

In it you’ll discover a personalized roadmap to:

Swap the ‘I thought I’d be further ahead’ nonsense we ALL revert to, with ‘I’m open to feeling more happiness now,’ so you can live life as an opportunity (versus just existing).
Feel more motivated than ever to shift your energy, make the changes you want in your life and find more purpose and fulfillment
Handle life’s disruptions head-on, start navigating life on your terms, and do ALL the things that might’ve scared you in the past—because I’m not letting you leave this world with regrets!

Plus, I’ll also let you into some secret insights from my own life along the way…

Because, I’m telling you—leaning into your strengths is a waaay more fulfilling way to live than endlessly trying to fix your life. Or popping another $90 on low-estrogen cream… 😉

TAKE THE QUIZ NOW….just press here!

XO

Holly

P.S. Once you get your results, I’d LOVE to know how they resonated with you. Please reply back, tell me what you got, and if I nailed it.

Happiness Is More Than Just A Feeling

by Holly Boxenhorn | Nov 1, 2021 | Blog

Be Obsessively Grateful

Crazy, hard to believe 2021 is almost coming to a close. Just about a year ago we were all so thrilled to say goodbye to 2020, now we’re just 2 months shy of welcoming in 2022. Now, I know the majority of this world is operating under some serious heavy energy but there is no better time than November, the month most noted for the expression of gratitude, to remind ourselves that often times “happiness” is more than just a feeling but rather a choice.

Hands down, if I had to pick only one most impactful mindset tool out there, it would be undoubtedly the daily practice of gratitude. It is the most powerful and simple way to squash negativity dead in its tracks.

Bottomline, the mind cannot focus on two things at once, by taking some time to relish in the good we can literally cancel out the bad. Feelings of gratitude directly activate brain regions associated with the neurotransmitter, dopamine, and there is a ton of research proving how gratitude can work as an anti-depressant and send signals of safety and hope to our brains.

So powerful yet so simple.

Here’s another great way to expand on the practice of gratitude. This one I came across while reading the book, Learned Hopefulness by Dan Tomasulo and has become a favorite part of my daily routine.

There’s a lot of really fascinating research around the concepts behind “hope” and benefits it has for cultivating greater positive emotions. Truth is we are all hard wired toward a negativity bias, I’ve written on this before (revisit here). Typically, if we are asked to look back on our previous day’s activity, we tend to view it in a very matter of fact way and likely hone in on what we didn’t accomplish or what didn’t go well.

Dan Tomasulo suggests to do the opposite, to literally list everything we can remember about our days activities but this time through the lens of gratitude. Taking two separate pieces of paper where we first just list out all we can recall. Trying not to leave anything off, from taking out the garbage to conversations we had throughout the day, and then using that list as a reference to now write about the same time period finding the good.

This small adjustment, tweak in perception is enough to activate different parts of our brain that were masked by the negativity bias, finding hidden gems altering our perception and opening us up to more positivity.

Honestly, it’s a game changer!

But one small caveat, as with any gratitude practice this is not a one hit wonder, the negativity bias is deeply ingrained in all of us, practicing gratitude is something we need to keep front and center.

Just try out this exercise for one week and I assure you’ll feel the difference!

Wishing You Always The Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

How Are You Showing Up?

by Holly Boxenhorn | Sep 1, 2021 | Blog

The One Thing That Changes Everything

How we show up, the energy we bring to any situation is the key ingredient to the results we get. We can be crazy smart, super organized, and have the best of intentions but without the right type and amount of energy the ability to show up and be engaged in life can be severely limited and sometimes just not possible. By understanding and then knowing how to handle our energy we can have a huge advantage in creating a life we love to live.

Truth is the vast majority of us are unaware of why things go well for us one day and not the next. Sure, it’s easy to say we simply just had a good day, everything fell into place, nothing unexpected occurred, or we were at the right place at the right time. But we all know life is challenging, at any given moment life can throw us a curveball, no one is excused from life’s ups and down’s. Chalking up our success and happiness or lack thereof, to bad luck or good fortune is frankly bullshit.

Think about it, rarely if ever, with the exception of a health crisis, does our level of capabilities, talents, and competencies change significantly from day to day or even moment to moment. So what is it that makes us feel one minute on top of our game and quite possibly a few hours later on shaky ground? Why with the same capabilities you have right now in this moment “perform” well one day and poorly the next?

Before you answer that, I want you to think about this…you’re about to go into an interview or a presentation at work, maybe you’re going to have an important conversation with your child, make a go or no go decision on a serious health matter, or possibly negotiating a deal with purchasing a new car, house, business venture-what’s more important in that moment, your talent or the energy you’re experiencing?

Regardless of how skilled we maybe our core energy will be the driving force behind how our talent that will get used, creating the results we’ll get. And at anytime we are feeling stressed out, unfulfilled, or stuck it is because something is blocking our energy. Which is most likely a direct result of one or more influencers on our energy:

Physical-when our body is unable to function in the manner we’re accustomed (I.e.poor sleep, nutrition, illness/injury)
Social-when the people and social conditions around us aren’t optimal.
Spiritual-when whatever we are doing causes us to question our purpose, values, goals and beliefs.
Emotional-when we feel reactive and unable to control how we want to respond in a situation we don’t understand or that doesn’t meet our expectations or needs.
Environmental-when our surroundings prevent us from being at our best (i.e. extreme temperatures, office too loud, gym too crowded).
Mental-when we stretch ourselves too thin and our ability to remain focused is comprised possibly because a task is too challenging or boring.

Whatever your current aspirations may be…professional, personal, or both, by understanding and knowing how each of these influencers are impacting your energy you will have the greatest likelihood for optimal results.

Next time you move into that difficult conversation with someone near and dear, have an important work meeting, or are simply heading out to the tennis court, consider how each of these influencers may be showing up for you. Are they supporting or detracting from your experience? If so, how can you lean into those that are strong for you while lessen the pull of those that are working against you?

Bottomline, it’s all about creating an empowered energetic state and the rest will follow. Energy is the one thing that changes everything. We can acquire all the skill and mindset necessary as long as we learn how to handle our energy.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

The Second Most Powerful Predictor Of Happiness

by Holly Boxenhorn | Mar 1, 2020 | Blog

What’s Your Interpretation Style?

Lasts month’s blog post I shared the number one predictor of happiness…the quality of our social relationships. Positive relationships, ones that inspire, support, and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves proves to be the most significant factor that keeps us happier and yes even healthier. So what’s the second most powerful predictor of happiness… anyone care to guess? Well, research proves it’s a matter of one’s “interpretation style” (hopeful vs.hopeless). In other words, those people who experience greater happiness are those who understand that their feelings/emotions are not permanent nor pervasive rather specific to an experience and only temporary. I’ve written on this topic in some shape or form in past blog posts, emotions are not directives, they are merely just data. While feeling sad, angry, fearful, frustrated, etc is inarguably uncomfortable and unpleasant to say the least, they too are just as much apart of the human experience as joy, peace, love, pride, satisfaction, enthusiasm, etc. Happy people give themselves permission to be human and cultivate a way of life (aka an interpretation style) that helps restore wellbeing when challenged and delight in moments of happiness.

So with all that being said how does one cultivate an “interpretation style” that is more opportunistic and optimistic rather then pessimistic and disadvantageous. Truth to be told, the list is endless but for the sake of this blog post I want to highlight 3 key practices I share with clients and personally use to embrace a more straightforward approach to fostering an inspiring “interpretation style”.

How to Guide on Cultivating a Hopeful Interpretation Style:

Step 1: Practice Acceptance – Don’t fall into the trap of the Great Deception, that is, a happy life is a life devoid of unpleasant feelings. Contrary to popular belief, happiness is not an absence of problems/challenges, that just doesn’t exist for anyone. No one is excused from life’s ups and downs. First and foremost, we must give ourselves the permission to be human and avoid judging, fighting, and sugar-coating any uncomfortable emotions we may be feeling. Understand, permitting ourselves to be human is not about resignation but rather active acceptance where we can step back, sit in the discomfort of unpleasant feelings in order to educate ourselves how to best move forward in the most appropriate, proactive, and supportive way.

Step 2: Evaluate – What can be contributing to the way we are feeling? Is it something related to a physical component of our lives like lack of sleep, nutrition, exercise, a chronic or temporary health condition? Possibly relationally related, maybe you’re not feeling connected to those near and dear to you? Or are you feeling dissatisfied with your development, personally and/or professionally? What may you be magnifying, getting stuck on and not seeing the bigger picture of, or possibly misinterpreting.

Step 3: Restore Rational Thinking – Study after study has proven that our thoughts determine how we feel which then in turn impacts how we behave. Having “go to” practices and strategies to help us cope and recover in challenging times promotes an “interpretation style” that is supportive. Now, this is where it becomes highly personal but based on the insights we get from step #2 along with appropriate expression of feelings, establishing a best way to recover from challenging experiences so we can restore rational thinking will organically happen. This may include anything from getting feedback from others, reframing the situation to see it in a more positive light, mediating/journaling/exercising to help decompress and gain perspective, identifying three things in your day you are grateful for to shift mindset away from the negativity bias, embracing failure so we can get back on the horse (so to say) and realign with what we want in and for our lives, or even simply getting outside and connecting with nature can be just enough for many to boost their moods promoting a more solution based mindset.

This list can go on and on and for those of you interested in learning more about promoting a most advantageous mindset, do not hesitate to reach out! Success and happiness are not reserved for the lucky but rather to those who are committed to its process.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success!

-Holly-