growth mindset Archives - Holly Boxenhorn

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

by Holly Boxenhorn | May 3, 2023 | Blog

Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

… Is something my clients and I often joke about.

Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’)

Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

Well, for me, this only tells half the story…

Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…?

What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?)

What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’

(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

Part 1: Acceptance

And all this means is: accepting where you’re at.

Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.)

No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.

Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to.

(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway:

An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome.

Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened…

Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion.

Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me?

But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age…

So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had.

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly

P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

Midlife Game Changing Habits

by Holly Boxenhorn | May 1, 2022 | Blog

Top Five Strategies You Need To Know

‘Holly, do you have any big strategies to navigate midlife?

‘Y’know, the surefire, game-changing, non-negotiables that mean you’re always so on point?’

Whoa. Now, there’s a question…

And it’s probably the one I’m asked most — on the pickleball court, out to dinner with friends, by clients and colleagues…

First — let’s get one thing straight, I am most definitely NOT ‘so on point…’ (!)

Hey, I may be a Midlife Transition Coach, but I worry about my turkey neck as much as the next woman! I’m struggling to sleep through the night. Trying to figure out how to empty nest… gracefully.

I too, question those goals I held for SO long, that sometimes feel flat and uninspiring…

Sure! We’re a boat load wiser. But if you find yourself wandering into the bedroom, forgetting why you’re there — and instead your thoughts turn to:

>> Who the heck am I?

>> What’s next?

>> And how the hell do I begin to figure all this out?

Then you need…

The Top 5 Strategies To Thrive In Midlife Right Now

Yeah, that’s right: these are the non-negotiable, instrumental habits you need to adhere to IMMEDIATELY…

No joke.

Because ladies, I believe — no, I know — these habits are SO powerful, you’ll finally find your groove… and forge your path towards a fuller, happier, more meaningful life.

(And hey, it’s what you’ve been asking for!)

Because honestly? Let’s just not age gracefully. Let’s age powerfully…

And dive right in!

Keep Your Attitude in Check
Even I find myself slipping into silly comments like: ’… well, I am an old lady.’ But, the more we indulge in that language, the more we give it mileage — the harder we’re making it for ourselves to switch gear and age optimally.

Energy attracts like energy.

The truth is, we’re living longer fuller lives than ever before. There are inspiring women out there absolutely killing it in midlife, knocking it outta the park! So, instead of indulging in negative language, flip the script to stories of strong, vibrant, engaging older women…

And surround yourself with as much knowledge and education to live your life more powerfully.

Check out this podcast: Radically Reframing Aging, and hear Maria Shriver discuss how we can all live our healthiest, most joyful lives as we grow older.

Embrace The Now
(Or, in short — if not now, when?)

If there’s one thing the pandemic taught us, it’s not to hang around. I’ve worked with so many women who have had the rug pulled out from under them — diagnosed suddenly with breast cancer, diabetes, or their husbands get sick…

You might remember last year my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s brutal. And I don’t know how long it’s gonna last…

But I can’t live in a state of inertia thinking ‘once she has full time help’ or ‘once she’s in assisted living, well, then I can focus on xyz.’ I can’t wait, and I can’t put things off. I have to honor the fact it’s all consuming, accept it, yet still move forward.

If we don’t start rockin’ and rolling now, then when will we?

Treat Life As An Experiment
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut — what we eat, how we exercise, even the makeup we use! (Am I right?) But our bodies have changed, our metabolism’s not so fired up, and chances are what worked in our 20s or 30s just ain’t gonna cut it.

It’s time to shake things up…

You have GOT to have an experimental mindset.

For example, I just don’t have the stamina that I used to. Honestly, the sh*t I could get done in a day… I’d whizz my daughter to dance class, get to the shops, see clients. Now? I just want to chill a little bit.

So, I’ve switched up my day. I do deep work in the morning. And at 3, 4pm, I honor my need to rest. I’ll take the dogs for a walk, meditate, connect with a friend for coffee. And maybe then when I’ve done those things to nourish my soul — I’ll see an evening client.

Try some new things on for size –experiment– not every action you take will be a home run but wisdom gained revealing what feels right, purposeful and fulfilling to you.

Rewire Your Inner Dialogue
Let’s cut to the chase here. You’ve already spent half your life beating yourself up, telling yourself you aren’t enough. Do you really wanna be 80 — and still judging yourself?

Or, looking back on your life wishing you’d been more present with your children, partner… but you were just too damn wrapped up and consumed by your own thoughts?

Y’know, I’m just so done with it…

Ladies, it’s time to let go of those old stories holding you back. Next time you hear that inner critic tell you you’re ‘less than’ say to yourself: ‘I’ve got this. I’m committed to my growth.’ Or ‘I’m discovering day-by-day what my goals and priorities are.’

… And shut down that negative talk in its tracks.

Cultivate Connection
Most research will say, the number 1 predictor of happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Take this from an introvert! (Or rather a social introvert — I love people, but can handle them better in smaller groups…) 😉

But, that being said…

Here, we’re talking positive relationships. The ones that inspire, support, and challenge us. A diverse network — whether that’s seeing your best friend for lunch, or clicking with a virtual Mastermind group. Connecting with your sister, or a work colleague living overseas…

These things keep us sharp, our wellbeing intact. They light us up.

Because the truth is, the struggle is real. Midlife is tough. There’s no denying it. But I know with my whole being, that if you can adapt your habits and mindset to embrace these changes — you will reap the difference in your life…

And glide into the next phase, with power, purpose and meaning. On your terms.

XO

Holly

P.S. Tell me, what are your top strategies for dealing with the chaos of midlife? Which older women truly inspire you? Comment below (or drop me an email) I’d absolutely love to know!

Discover A Superpower

by Holly Boxenhorn | Jun 1, 2021 | Blog

Know Your Why

Lending further to last months post on the value of using “reminders” to cultivate a consistent commitment to those things we desire most in our lives, along with a common theme I hear from many women regarding either a petering out or a lack of “oomph” to aggressively pursue their more challenging aspirations, I want to take this month’s post to share a powerful exercise on Knowing Your Why.

Trust me when I say this, it is not you! You don’t per se lack the willpower or capability to obtain those things you want more of in your life. Truth is, reaching our goals and then sustaining them is more about putting habits into place that will support them. We all know anything worth having doesn’t happen overnight and requires extra attention and effort to attain. This is where the power of knowing and having a strong “why” comes into play.

Life is crazy distracting, filled with many curveballs, making it so easy to fall off our path to raise our game. If we don’t get super clear about the value of our pursuits, we undoubtably will run short in obtaining them. Why would we ever push threw the discomfort of a hard conversation with our partner, wake up early to fit in a workout, or chalk up a loss of a client to a lesson learned? Knowing both the positive things we will experience when reaching for our ideal self verse the negative consequences that will result should we abandon our goals is the superpower we all need to take ourselves to the next level.

“Knowing My Why”

Reflection Exercise

Brief Description of Your Aspiration:

List:

-Positive Things I Will Experience As A Result –Negative Consequences Should I Give Up

_____________________________________________ __________________________________________

_____________________________________________ _________________________________________

Ask Yourself:

-How is my life going to change if I follow through, most immediately and in the long run?

-Consider the impact actualizing your goal will have on every aspect of your life: health/wellbeing, relationships, finances, personal & professional development.

Now, get your mind right, you know the the famous expression “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” Growth is not a linear path, we zig up and we zig down. Of course it won’t be easy, be patient and compassionate with yourself as you would with a dear friend or your child. There’s no shaming nor should we let ourselves off the hook. We keep at it and always, always remember our WHY!

P.S. On a side note, this exercise is also a great tool to determine whether or not the goals you are pursuing are truly worthwhile to you. So often we fall prey to setting goals that we think we “should” be acquiring when in actuality they aren’t really all that important to us nor do they align with who we genuinely are and what lights us up.

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Reminder!

by Holly Boxenhorn | May 1, 2021 | Blog

The Key To Creating Positive Lasting Change

It’s no mystery that the things we repeatedly do are the things our brain and mind will continue to support and encourage. The more something is rehearsed or practiced, the stronger our neural connections will then become making positive behaviors more habitual in nature. Positive lasting change will occur within in our brains and then within our lives with consistent and intentional action steps that promote an optimal state of being. With all that being said, knowing this and actually doing this are two very different things. With our very busy and distracting lives; cultivating habits, thoughts, and behaviors that support our greater wellbeing, won’t come instinctually.

Let’s face it, in this fast paced world, if it’s not right in front of us, it’s likely not going to happen…thus why many of us rely on “to do” lists to remind us of where our attention needs to be. The same holds true with building in productive habits that aid our pursuit of greater happiness and success. If we want to instill more proactive behaviors we need to remind ourselves to do whatever it is we’re trying to align with until we become accustomed to it. Daily reminders are essential when it comes to creating the positive change we desire. They’re relatively simple to understand, fairly easy to implement, and the benefits from using them are almost immediate. Here are a few great ways to get started….

5 Simple Ways To Use Reminders

1.Technological Reminders– Here’s where the distraction of technology works for us rather than against. Computers and our mobile phones make it possible to set up automatic reminders for just about anything. Desktop software like Outlook will pop up reminders on our computers, and most online services go an extra step and send reminders via email or SMS text message. Even just using the alarm on our mobile phones can be a great way to help us stop, hit pause for 10 minutes and attend to some rejuvenating self-care practices to infuse our energy, helping us to go the distance the rest of the day. Maybe some deep breathing exercises, a short meditation, taking some time to call someone near and dear to us, or possibly stepping outside to connect with nature, stretch our legs and walk around bit…all great habits that support greater wellbeing.

2.Tangible Reminders– The best reminders are related in some way to the behavior you want to produce and can take the form of a quote on the wall, a picture, a photograph, a work of art, powerful words or mantras placed on a post it. Or even a special bracelet or piece of jewelry that catches your attention and reminds you to be mindful of the positive behavior you want to produce.

3.Daily “To Be” Reminders– Are a record of those things that you would like to be reminded of on a daily basis, the values that you want to internalize and live by each day of your life. By using “Ideal Self Statements” (i.e I am calm and present in the here and now, I embrace a growth mindset” ) that capture the attitudes and behaviors that are first, most important to you personally and, second, that you want to be reminded of. Your “To Be” List so to say rather then to do list. It’s suggested to come up with at least 3 and no more than 5 along with starting with 3 deep breaths before reading each out loud to yourself daily.

4. Specific Reminders-focus on a particular aspect of life that you want to work on and improve—a challenge you’re facing or an area where you want to grow. Start by writing down a single sentence that captures whatever it is that you want to work on. The sentence, ideally, should be stated positively, in present tense, and inspire a sense of purpose (i.e. I am a confident and authentic public speaker). Then elaborate in three or four sentences what that single sentence means to you. Spend a few minutes each day to go over your Specific Reminder, read it closely and deliberately at least once through, and then if you feel the need to do so, modify and refine the text.

5. Mini Reminders-is a sequence of words (i.e.calm, confident, authentic) that embody how you want to feel most times. The words may draw from your Daily Reminders, Specific Reminders, or from anywhere else. Place them anywhere and everywhere that catches your eye. I keep a post it note of Mini Reminders on my car dashboard, desk, and night table. Every time I see them I take a deep breath and read them aloud.

Reminders have the power to positively transform our lives for the better. Studies have proven environmental and physical cues we pick up daily affect us more than we realize, triggering habits and thoughts that then begin to feel natural to us. Why leave our most important priorities to chance…check out this month’s 5 simple ways to use reminders to promote more of what you want in and for your life.