I AM…

I AM…

Who Are You? Really…?

Here’s what I know to be true: every woman has wings. But some need help to color them in.

Some are washed out. Some need to color over the lines. Others? A touch of glitter…

Now, some clients, when they come to me, have incredible wings. Their feathers are bright. They sparkle (and they know it!)

BUT… they’ve been clipped. They’re caged, and they’ve lost their voice.

So, what do I mean by all this?

Well, maybe life feels like a sh*tshow right now? Perhaps you woke up this morning and thought:

  • I’m so done with being someone’s puppet.
  • I’m f*cking clueless.
  • I haven’t had my voice for so long. 
  • I have no idea…
  • What do I really want?                                                                                                                                                                   

Because here’s the truth: ALL of us, now and then, need help remembering who we are.

Yes, that’s right. I don’t care how beautiful your wings are, or how you got here. Every woman comes to me at a different level—and could benefit from some more color, more life in her wings.

Let’s try it out… 

If I asked you ‘who are you?’ I expect your first thought would be to list what you do, or your relationship to other people: i.e. wife or mother, or your job title.  

But these are labels defined by society, not the true essence of you. 

So, what if you’re reading this and think: ‘Holly, I’ve spent so long looking after everyone else, I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know where to start…’

Well, that’s where the ‘Who Am I?’ exercise comes in.

Its purpose is simple: to understand how your strengths, gifts and values meld to form who you are.

Because here’s the thing: every experience until this point has shaped your perception of the world…

And that’s why midlife is the perfect time to find out what color you want your wings to be—or in other words, who you really are.

So, grab a pen and paper, pour a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and work through the following questions:

 Step 1: Identify your key descriptors:

  • What are the 5-10 most important values in your life?
  • How would you describe the attributes you most like about yourself?
  • What do other people admire most about you—and what is the impact you have on them? 

Hint: if you can’t objectively see your gifts and strengths, it can help to reach out to up to 5 people in various parts of your life, and ask what they see as your unique qualities, attributes, or characteristics. Ask, why do you mean so much to them? And how do you impact their life?

 (This also helps realize your impact, and gives you direction towards ‘who you are.’)

  • What core beliefs about life serve you best?
  • What makes you unique, or stand out from others?
  • What makes you feel most passionate, satisfied, and most fulfilled?
  • If you had to name one feeling that you would like to have most often, what would that be?

Step 2: Put an X by the 5-10 most important words from the list you made, and convert those 5-10 descriptors to nouns. 

(For example, if ‘being healthy’ is one of your key descriptors, convert to ‘health.’ If ‘honest’ is one, convert to ‘honesty.’)

Step 3: Take these nouns and make them into ‘I Am’ statements. Feel free to combine more than one concept or idea in each statement. You should have at least 5 statements, beginning with ‘I am”. (For the examples above, your statements would be ‘I am Health’ and ‘I am Honesty.’)

Step 4: Rank each order of these statements by numbering them from 1 (as the most powerful) to the least powerful/descriptive of the list.

Record your final ‘I Am’ statements, in rank order below, so you can refer to them later on.

Step 5: Finally, seriously consider all of your final ‘I Am’ statements in relation to how you currently live. And ask yourself:

What adjustments could you make?

How well do you currently bring who you are into everything you do?

Look at the different roles you play in your life. You may be a spouse, a parent, a child, a worker, a sibling, a friend, etc. Which roles do you believe are true to yourself, or where your true self shines? Which roles does your true self hide?

In other words: what color do you want your wings to be?

Or who are you… really?

XO

Holly

P.S. If you enjoyed this exercise, and want to go one step further, grab my 10 Question Toolkit. 

It will give you the skillset to not only manage the midlife mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

    Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

    Pulling Back The Curtain..

    Let me tell you a little story about Vicky…

    Vicky’s been my client for many, many years. And in that time (she wouldn’t mind my telling you) her perspective’s done a 180°. 

    For years Vicky dreaded retiring. Her husband wanted to head to Florida—and hands down she didn’t. Her son was in New York, her daughter getting married. Vicky thought she’d be isolated, lonely, and at this time of her life? Really wasn’t grooving to a retirement state of mind… 

    But she took the plunge…

    And couldn’t have been more wrong.

    Now, if I Zoom Vicky, I can see the happiness in her eyes. She has more friends than ever, she’s at the beach every week, her daughter moved down with her grandson—and Vicky’s life is complete. 

    But all it took was a little bravery, and embracing the unknown.

    And then there’s Randy, who I’ve coached for nearly 5 years….

    When we met, Randy was divorced—and sworn off men. Romance was never a topic of conversation. She was closed to any possibility of love, or being in a relationship again. 

    Randy thought she was happy alone. (At least until she met David at a friend’s cocktail party…) 

    Randy’s 67.

    Or there’s Maggie, who in a matter of years, went from owning her own company, and all the prestige that comes with that—to uncovering chaos behind the scenes, making her escape, and building a new life for herself outside the corporate world.  

    Now Maggie’s connected to her purpose and (despite her children leaving home) blazes a trail on the board of a local college. 

    But, why am I telling you all this?

    Well, let me be clear with you here: these women might be my clients, but I can’t take ALL the credit for this. 

    Despite how this might read, it’s not like I spread magic dust on people. (If only it was that easy!)

    All of these women have been through a process. It takes time, and it’s super exciting to watch (especially as I struggle right now, to juggle homelife with the needs of my mom).

    No, the truth is Vicky, Randy and Maggie all have one big thing in common: they’re radically reframing aging.

    They refuse to be cow-towed by the media, bombarding us with pictures of youth and unrealistic expectations of beauty. They ignore the constant calls for botox, nips and tucks—and the need to hold onto some warped notion that success and happiness is the privilege of the young. 

    Now, of course this doesn’t come without apprehension. Yes, all of these women felt scared and nervous about the future. But they’ve stepped out of their comfort zones, embraced the unknown, and frankly…

    They’re killing it. 

    And they’re not the only ones… 

    Because I’m noticing a trend. Not only have many celebrity women stopped trying to hide their age (think of the ‘Sarah Jessica Parker Goes Gray!’ headlines that went viral last year) but they’re speaking up about the truth of midlife: that it can be more powerful and fulfilling than ever before. 

    Just get a load of this:

    ‘I think women come into their 40s—certainly mid-40s—and think, Oh, this is the beginning of the decline…things start to change and fade in directions that I don’t want them to go in anymore…  

    ‘But I’ve decided, no. We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy… We grow into ourselves more. We have opportunities to speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us. And not care what we look like so much.’

    • Kate Winslet, 47, on BBC’s Woman’s Hour. 

    Or as Glennon Doyle, 46, so fantastically puts it: 

    ‘Oh holy yes! Aging is the best thing to ever happen to me. Aging is unbecoming all the women I thought I was supposed to be, and breathing for God’s sake. 

    ‘Aging is like being one of those Russian nesting dolls and peeling off costumes one at a time-till I’m left as that little solid doll. Just that one. Nothing too big or wobbly.

    ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.
    ‘Beloveds in your twenties and thirties: It GETS BETTER!!!!!’

    And… she’s right. 

    It’s time to say enough is enough of that ‘I’m too old,’ ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ mentality —

    It’s bullsh!t. 

    And probably one of midlife’s biggest, ugliest, craziest myths.

    And what’s more, believing myths around aging literally harms our health, and makes us more vulnerable to the fears we hold onto as we get older.

    But what can you do, day to day, to change your internal narrative around midlife. Well, you can start by remembering there are plenty of inspiring women who are choosing this path and then surround yourself with knowledge and support to age powerfully. 

    Know this: you’re not too old, and it’s never too late. 

    And, even if you can’t quite feel that ‘aging is the best thing to ever happen to you,’ taking a leaf out of Jamie Lee Curtis’s book is a not a bad place to start: 

    ‘My motto is, ‘If not now, when? And, if not me, who?’ And, that has unleashed me and freed me, and allowed me to do everything I’m doing with zero attachment.’

    • Jamie Lee Curtis, 64.

    Amen to that.

    XO 

    Holly

    P.S. On going gray, SJP said, ‘it became months and months of conversation about how brave I am for having gray hair… I was like, please please applaud someone else’s courage on something!

    We spend so much time talking about the accumulation of time spent adding up in wrinkles, and it’s the weirdest thing that we don’t say it adds up to being better at your job, better as a friend, better as a daughter, better as a partner, better as a caregiver, better as a sister…’

    Yup, surround yourself with inspirational women—and the impact on your mindset, outlook and actions will be profound. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

       

       

       

       

       

       

      Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

      Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

      Why I’m giving resolutions the 🖕

      Here’s a Quick Q: What does January mean to you?

      • A fresh start? Intangible excitement and anticipation? The feeling that ‘this year everything will be different…’
      • Resolutions and goal setting? Dusting off that yoga mat. Scrolling through your phone contacts to see who you missed last year—convinced that this will be the time for a long lost dinner date… 
      • Or… short days and long dark evenings? (And the silent dread of that post-holiday credit card statement arriving in  the mailbox.)

      Perhaps, if you’re honest, it’s a mixture of all three… 

      But, right now, whether waiting in line at the supermarket or scrolling your phone, all you see are headlines screaming at you to—

      Crush 2023!

      Hit The New Year Running!

      Find Your Purpose! 

      New Year, New You, right?

      Erm, wrong.

      Now, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer on all this. Sure, it works for some of us (even though 80% of resolutions are forgotten by February). And reinventing ourselves positively towards the future can only be a good thing, right?

      Well, truth is I find this all a little nauseating. 

      Take ‘finding your purpose’ for example… Dig a little deeper, and chances are you’ll discover purpose in many aspects of your life. (Because truth is, in midlife? What your purpose is today, may not be tomorrow.)

      So, if we’re not talking about #Resolutions, #GoalSetting or #FindingYourWow what on Earth can we do to kickstart January? 

      Well, I believe it’s time for a non-traditional route…

      Yup. It’s time to talk pleasure and joy.

      And there are 3 big reasons why this is SO important for women in midlife: 

      1. Much has shifted and changed in our lives. It’s easy to lose sight of what really brings us pleasure and joy—when we were busy checking ALL the boxes we were told to… 

      2. In putting everyone else first, we rarely give ourselves time to honor what truly makes us happy. 

      3. We’ve forgotten how to get in touch with pleasure or joy. Yet in the doldrums of winter, feeling burnt out, an emphasis on both can help you climb over that hump—and into spring. 

      So, how can YOU unlock more pleasure and joy in your life? 

      Well, let me ask you 3 simple questions:

      • What fills you up?
      • What warms your heart?
      • What makes you laugh? 

      Now, my guess is, you’ve spent so long with your own needs on the backburner that it’s hard for you to extend yourself—and truly answer these questions. 

      It might be helpful to ask yourself, ‘when do I find myself smiling? What makes me laugh out loud?’ These simple cues can pinpoint what makes you tick, and what actually lights you up… 

      Now, take these cues and translate them into tangible things that actually bring you pleasure and joy.

      For example, hanging out with my dogs brings me tremendous joy. For you it might be watching the sunset, connecting with friends, curling up with a good book, sex…(!) 

      Fact: uncovering pleasure and joy leads to greater happiness in our lives. 

      Because here’s the deal:

      Life is challenging. But you don’t have to sit in the heaviness 24/7. 

      Finding joy gives you a chance for reprieve, to regroup, and fortify your stamina…

      And then, if you want to put it towards those goals? Be my guest 😉

      XO

      Holly

      P.S. It’s not unusual to feel disconnected, feeling it’s impossible to uncover what brings you pleasure and joy in life? No worries. Schedule a free discovery call—and I’ll help you discover what lights you up.

       

       

       

       

       

       

         

         

         

         

         

         

        Presence In Your Moments??

        Presence In Your Moments??

        Mindfulness..what is all the hype about?

        I’ll bet the men in your life are pretty in awe of your ability to multitask… 

        Writing up shopping lists. Helping your daughter through her latest heartbreak. Running a Fortune 500…

        (Okay, very few of us are in the last bracket. But you get the picture…)

        For years we’ve been in a constant state of flux. GO GO GO!

        And now? Maybe it’s just me but in line at the supermarket, all the headlines I see on Elle or Cosmo are… telling me to slow down. 

        Train Your Mind, Transform Your Life. 

        3 Secrets To Mindful Eating. 

        Mindful Menstruation: Here’s How It Works

        Huh?! Well, at least I don’t need to worry about the last one… 😉

        Seriously ladies, this change in tempo? It’s kind of comical… But such an important piece for our wellbeing. 

        That’s why, this month I’m tackling the subject of Mindfulness. What it is…

        And why you don’t have to be a yogi master to practice it…

        So, let’s start at the top. What is Mindfulness? 

        By definition, mindfulness is a quality of being present and fully engaged with whatever we’re doing at the moment. Free from distraction or judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them.

        And there are sooo many different ways to practice it… 

        Meditation is the formal mindfulness practice you’re probably aware of. In fact I’d even go so far as to say, it’s a superpower. 

        Slowing your brain has been shown to thicken the pre-frontal cortex, managing higher order brain function. In other words, it increases your awareness, concentration, and decision making…

        Which in turn, plays an important role in our emotional regulation, and helps us to create a pause so we’re not hijacked by our emotions—and less reactive in this crazy stressful world we’re living in.

        (Plus, studies show how we can lose up to 10 IQ points and close to 2 hours in a day to daily distractions! Crazy, right?) 

        Informal mindfulness on the other hand, is where we consciously bring a quality of attunement, attention and awareness to all areas of our life. Whether that be with a conversation with our child or friend, driving in the car, or just savouring the taste of a good meal.

        The truth is, you don’t have to be a blissed out guru to feel the benefits of mindfulness in your everyday life… 

        And if the thought of meditation feels a little alien or overwhelming, you’re not alone… 

        (In fact, when I started practicing I literally had a piece of paper on the floor in my office—that I had to step over—that would remind me to meditate!)

        Because here’s the secret… let the habit grow organically. Ease, mindfulness into your life, so you can feel the benefits and it becomes second nature to you.  

        So, here’s a sneak peek at my 7 day Informal Mindfulness Challenge: 

        1. Pick at least one typical daily activity per day. It may be brushing your teeth, getting dressed in the morning, walking your dog, eating a meal, walking to the mailbox…
        2. Take a few mindful deep breaths. Take note of what is happening for you right in the here and now as you move into the activity. 
        3. Proceed with the activity as if it is the most important thing in the world, with great curiosity and care. 
        4. As you do the activity tune into all your senses. What do you see, hear, smell, feel tactilely? 
        5. Just do this one thing, no multi-tasking, only single tasking here. Instead of trying to just get it done quickly so you can move on to something else, invest 100% of your effort on that chosen activity. And as best you can keep your full attention on what you’re doing. 

        Every time your mind wanders off, simply notice, do not judge it or yourself for wandering off (this is NORMAL) and just simply return your attention back to your breath and the activity. 

        Keep returning to the present moment over and over again even if it seems like it’s your 100th time. Some find it helpful to say a few guided words silently to themselves, for example: 

        ‘I am now talking to my daughter…’ 

        ‘The water feels hot on my skin as I am washing the dishes…’ 

        ‘The air is cold as I walk to the mailbox…’ 

        The more you do this. The more you become aware of your surroundings, what you’re feeling, tasting and touching, the more you’ll notice something remarkable… 

        It seeps into everything you do. The more you’ll stop and be in the moment. 

        Since I started this practice I’ve become SO much more present in my relationships. With my husband. With my children. 

        Because ladies, ask yourself this…

        Don’t you deserve to be more present in your life? Don’t you deserve to simply enjoy yourself, stop and smell the roses? Like, if not now, when?!

        FACT: No-one ever laid on their deathbed, and felt proud because they’d ticked off everything on their to-do list…

        No, you want to be able to say: I was present…

        For my conversations with my son.

        For walking the dogs. Traveling. Exploring the world. Swimming in the ocean. 

        I think you owe yourself that much.

        XO

        Holly

        P.S. Any Mindfulness practice can feel overwhelming when we start. Remember, it’s okay if your mind wanders—so long as you bring it back! I’d love to hear how you get on. Hit reply and let me know…

         

         

         

        Joy, Happiness, Confidence-you choose!

        Joy, Happiness, Confidence-you choose!

        Unlock Your Superpower…

        Maybe too much information…?

        But, if I hear my freakin’ doctor tell me one more time—‘Holly, your vaginal walls are thinning because you’re getting older…’

        I mean sheesh. Seriously? Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate that.  

        Let’s just add that to the endless list of midlife ‘fixes’ that you’re never quite prepared for: 

         >> The low-estrogen cream that’s $90 a pop to stop those damn urinary tract infections… 

         >> Figuring out whether to ramp it up in your career—or lay low till retirement… 

         >> Turning to your husband and thinking ‘what’s next?’ as you wave the kids off to college… 

         Yeah. There are a million-and-one reasons why midlife gets a bad rap—but I’m not having any of it. 

        And neither should you.

        Let me perform a little test here, and ask you a question…

        How could you move more proactively today, towards your future best self? 

        Please, take a moment to picture. And lean into your gut reaction.

        Now, let me guess… Are you mentally listing all things you need to ‘fix’ about yourself, or your circumstances? 😉

        If so, you’re not alone. It’s how nearly every woman I ask answers this question…

        But this knee-jerk reaction isn’t gonna serve you. 

        Because the truth is it’s only through nurturing our strengths, NOT correcting our shortcomings—that we can actually experience growth, and get to where we want to be in life. 

        And identifying how to lean into our strengths—those core characteristics that come most naturally to us—is the key to reaching our goals. 

        FACT: There’s a huge amount of research over the past 15 years on the value of using our strengths to feel more fulfilled, live a higher quality of life, and have much more fun at work and home.

        Don’t just take my word for it! Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, says that for a person to be truly happy and live a meaningful life, that person must recognize their personal strengths—and use these strengths for the greater good.

        (It’s a stance that Forbes, Gallup and the VIA Institute on Character are also taking pretty seriously, advising parents to focus on their children’s strengths, not filling an imaginary skills gap in their ‘weakness.’) 

        Bottomline: If we’re to take Seligman’s advice, we should spend time trying to figure out these personal strengths—what we were born to do—without wasting time on making things harder for ourselves.  

        So, that’s why I’m making it super easy for you to do just that… 

        And developed a Midlife Advantage Quiz to help YOU shine a light on your own unique superpowers—and leverage your strengths to navigate midlife on your own terms.

        In it you’ll discover a personalized roadmap to:  

        • Swap the ‘I thought I’d be further ahead’ nonsense we ALL revert to, with ‘I’m open to feeling more happiness now,’ so you can live life as an opportunity (versus just existing).
        • Feel more motivated than ever to shift your energy, make the changes you want in your life and find more purpose and fulfillment 
        • Handle life’s disruptions head-on, start navigating life on your terms, and do ALL the things that might’ve scared you in the past—because I’m not letting you leave this world with regrets!

        Plus, I’ll also let you into some secret insights from my own life along the way… 

        Because, I’m telling you—leaning into your strengths is a waaay more fulfilling way to live than endlessly trying to fix your life. Or popping another $90 on low-estrogen cream… 😉

        TAKE THE QUIZ NOW….just press here!

        XO

        Holly

         P.S. Once you get your results, I’d LOVE to know how they resonated with you. Please reply back, tell me what you got, and if I nailed it.