Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

Is This Midlife’s Craziest Myth?

Pulling Back The Curtain..

Let me tell you a little story about Vicky…

Vicky’s been my client for many, many years. And in that time (she wouldn’t mind my telling you) her perspective’s done a 180°. 

For years Vicky dreaded retiring. Her husband wanted to head to Florida—and hands down she didn’t. Her son was in New York, her daughter getting married. Vicky thought she’d be isolated, lonely, and at this time of her life? Really wasn’t grooving to a retirement state of mind… 

But she took the plunge…

And couldn’t have been more wrong.

Now, if I Zoom Vicky, I can see the happiness in her eyes. She has more friends than ever, she’s at the beach every week, her daughter moved down with her grandson—and Vicky’s life is complete. 

But all it took was a little bravery, and embracing the unknown.

And then there’s Randy, who I’ve coached for nearly 5 years….

When we met, Randy was divorced—and sworn off men. Romance was never a topic of conversation. She was closed to any possibility of love, or being in a relationship again. 

Randy thought she was happy alone. (At least until she met David at a friend’s cocktail party…) 

Randy’s 67.

Or there’s Maggie, who in a matter of years, went from owning her own company, and all the prestige that comes with that—to uncovering chaos behind the scenes, making her escape, and building a new life for herself outside the corporate world.  

Now Maggie’s connected to her purpose and (despite her children leaving home) blazes a trail on the board of a local college. 

But, why am I telling you all this?

Well, let me be clear with you here: these women might be my clients, but I can’t take ALL the credit for this. 

Despite how this might read, it’s not like I spread magic dust on people. (If only it was that easy!)

All of these women have been through a process. It takes time, and it’s super exciting to watch (especially as I struggle right now, to juggle homelife with the needs of my mom).

No, the truth is Vicky, Randy and Maggie all have one big thing in common: they’re radically reframing aging.

They refuse to be cow-towed by the media, bombarding us with pictures of youth and unrealistic expectations of beauty. They ignore the constant calls for botox, nips and tucks—and the need to hold onto some warped notion that success and happiness is the privilege of the young. 

Now, of course this doesn’t come without apprehension. Yes, all of these women felt scared and nervous about the future. But they’ve stepped out of their comfort zones, embraced the unknown, and frankly…

They’re killing it. 

And they’re not the only ones… 

Because I’m noticing a trend. Not only have many celebrity women stopped trying to hide their age (think of the ‘Sarah Jessica Parker Goes Gray!’ headlines that went viral last year) but they’re speaking up about the truth of midlife: that it can be more powerful and fulfilling than ever before. 

Just get a load of this:

‘I think women come into their 40s—certainly mid-40s—and think, Oh, this is the beginning of the decline…things start to change and fade in directions that I don’t want them to go in anymore…  

‘But I’ve decided, no. We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy… We grow into ourselves more. We have opportunities to speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us. And not care what we look like so much.’

  • Kate Winslet, 47, on BBC’s Woman’s Hour. 

Or as Glennon Doyle, 46, so fantastically puts it: 

‘Oh holy yes! Aging is the best thing to ever happen to me. Aging is unbecoming all the women I thought I was supposed to be, and breathing for God’s sake. 

‘Aging is like being one of those Russian nesting dolls and peeling off costumes one at a time-till I’m left as that little solid doll. Just that one. Nothing too big or wobbly.

‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.
‘Beloveds in your twenties and thirties: It GETS BETTER!!!!!’

And… she’s right. 

It’s time to say enough is enough of that ‘I’m too old,’ ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ mentality —

It’s bullsh!t. 

And probably one of midlife’s biggest, ugliest, craziest myths.

And what’s more, believing myths around aging literally harms our health, and makes us more vulnerable to the fears we hold onto as we get older.

But what can you do, day to day, to change your internal narrative around midlife. Well, you can start by remembering there are plenty of inspiring women who are choosing this path and then surround yourself with knowledge and support to age powerfully. 

Know this: you’re not too old, and it’s never too late. 

And, even if you can’t quite feel that ‘aging is the best thing to ever happen to you,’ taking a leaf out of Jamie Lee Curtis’s book is a not a bad place to start: 

‘My motto is, ‘If not now, when? And, if not me, who?’ And, that has unleashed me and freed me, and allowed me to do everything I’m doing with zero attachment.’

  • Jamie Lee Curtis, 64.

Amen to that.

XO 

Holly

P.S. On going gray, SJP said, ‘it became months and months of conversation about how brave I am for having gray hair… I was like, please please applaud someone else’s courage on something!

We spend so much time talking about the accumulation of time spent adding up in wrinkles, and it’s the weirdest thing that we don’t say it adds up to being better at your job, better as a friend, better as a daughter, better as a partner, better as a caregiver, better as a sister…’

Yup, surround yourself with inspirational women—and the impact on your mindset, outlook and actions will be profound. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

    Another Way To Kickstart The New Year

    Why I’m giving resolutions the 🖕

    Here’s a Quick Q: What does January mean to you?

    • A fresh start? Intangible excitement and anticipation? The feeling that ‘this year everything will be different…’
    • Resolutions and goal setting? Dusting off that yoga mat. Scrolling through your phone contacts to see who you missed last year—convinced that this will be the time for a long lost dinner date… 
    • Or… short days and long dark evenings? (And the silent dread of that post-holiday credit card statement arriving in  the mailbox.)

    Perhaps, if you’re honest, it’s a mixture of all three… 

    But, right now, whether waiting in line at the supermarket or scrolling your phone, all you see are headlines screaming at you to—

    Crush 2023!

    Hit The New Year Running!

    Find Your Purpose! 

    New Year, New You, right?

    Erm, wrong.

    Now, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer on all this. Sure, it works for some of us (even though 80% of resolutions are forgotten by February). And reinventing ourselves positively towards the future can only be a good thing, right?

    Well, truth is I find this all a little nauseating. 

    Take ‘finding your purpose’ for example… Dig a little deeper, and chances are you’ll discover purpose in many aspects of your life. (Because truth is, in midlife? What your purpose is today, may not be tomorrow.)

    So, if we’re not talking about #Resolutions, #GoalSetting or #FindingYourWow what on Earth can we do to kickstart January? 

    Well, I believe it’s time for a non-traditional route…

    Yup. It’s time to talk pleasure and joy.

    And there are 3 big reasons why this is SO important for women in midlife: 

    1. Much has shifted and changed in our lives. It’s easy to lose sight of what really brings us pleasure and joy—when we were busy checking ALL the boxes we were told to… 

    2. In putting everyone else first, we rarely give ourselves time to honor what truly makes us happy. 

    3. We’ve forgotten how to get in touch with pleasure or joy. Yet in the doldrums of winter, feeling burnt out, an emphasis on both can help you climb over that hump—and into spring. 

    So, how can YOU unlock more pleasure and joy in your life? 

    Well, let me ask you 3 simple questions:

    • What fills you up?
    • What warms your heart?
    • What makes you laugh? 

    Now, my guess is, you’ve spent so long with your own needs on the backburner that it’s hard for you to extend yourself—and truly answer these questions. 

    It might be helpful to ask yourself, ‘when do I find myself smiling? What makes me laugh out loud?’ These simple cues can pinpoint what makes you tick, and what actually lights you up… 

    Now, take these cues and translate them into tangible things that actually bring you pleasure and joy.

    For example, hanging out with my dogs brings me tremendous joy. For you it might be watching the sunset, connecting with friends, curling up with a good book, sex…(!) 

    Fact: uncovering pleasure and joy leads to greater happiness in our lives. 

    Because here’s the deal:

    Life is challenging. But you don’t have to sit in the heaviness 24/7. 

    Finding joy gives you a chance for reprieve, to regroup, and fortify your stamina…

    And then, if you want to put it towards those goals? Be my guest 😉

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. It’s not unusual to feel disconnected, feeling it’s impossible to uncover what brings you pleasure and joy in life? No worries. Schedule a free discovery call—and I’ll help you discover what lights you up.