3 Ways To Kick Your Inner Critic To The Curb…

3 Ways To Kick Your Inner Critic To The Curb…

Gremlins + Bratz Dolls

Growing up, I never felt smart enough.

Next to my high achieving sisters everything for me was just that little bit harder… 

(And of course being dyslexic didn’t exactly help.)

Later, as a young, ambitious freshman enrolled at Emerson College my confidence took another knock when my heavy Noo Yawk accent and I were laughed out of the studio: ‘you sound like a cartoon character!’

… And my hopes of being a Broadcast Journalist were squashed.

Now, all that ultimately led to my becoming a qualified therapist and coach—and my life infinitely changed for the better. 

BUT… 

Every so often that feeling of inadequacy rears its ugly head—and I have moments of crippling self-doubt. 

Maybe you can relate? 

>> ‘You’re just not good enough…’ 

>> ‘Who are you kidding? At this stage of life?! You’re way too old…’ 

>> ‘No-one’s really interested in anything I have to say.’ 

Yup, I’ll bet that good ol’ Inner Critic just loves to whisper its sweet nothings in your ear—shaking your confidence and making you feel… irrelevant. 

Stronger than those 4 other energy blocks (Outer Blocks, Limiting Beliefs, Disempowering Assumptions or False Interpretations) our Inner Critic is mighty hard to silence.

It’s insidious…

It’s instinctual… 

And it runs a helluva lot deeper than the others. 

In fact, author and revolutionary thinker Lou Tice gave it a name—and put it far better than I ever could:

The Gremlin

 I am Fear

I am the menace that lurks in the paths of life, never visible

to the eye but sharply felt in the heart.

I am the father of despair, the brother of procrastination, the enemy of progress, the tool of tyranny.

Born of ignorance and nursed on misguided thought, I have

darkened more hopes, stifled more ambitions, shattered more ideals and prevented more accomplishments than history could record.

Like the changing chameleon, I assume many disguises.

I masquerade as caution

I am sometimes known as doubt or worry.

But whatever I’m called, I am still fear, the obstacle of achievement.

I know no master but one; its name is Understanding.

I have no power but what the human mind gives me, and I 

vanish completely when the light of 

Understanding reveals the facts as they are for I am

really nothing.

So, what can you do to deal with your Inner Critic (or banish your Gremlin, as Lou Tice called it) from your life, once and for all?

Well, the first thing to remember is: don’t try to suppress your Inner Critic. Ignoring it is not the same as dealing with it (and it just gives it permission to pop up at the most challenging moments in your life.)

Instead, you need to recognize it, learn from it, and leave your Inner Critic behind. 

And here are 3 ways I help my clients do just that:

  • Identify Your Inner Critic/Gremlin. 

Give it a name (but don’t choose the name of someone you know). Then, draw, create, or find a representation of it. 

And why does this work? 

Well, once you can see your Inner Critic as separate to yourself, you’ll have an ability to disregard it—and not allow it to own you.

  • Record Your Inner Critic In Real Time. 

Try not to push it away. Instead, over a week or two, listen to it and ask yourself: ‘If your thoughts had words, what would they be saying?’

Identify those common words, or themes. Do any come up repeatedly? Do they sound like someone from your past who was critical of you?

  • Face Up To Your Inner Critic.

And ask yourself… 

‘How would your success be different if your Inner Critic was quietened?’ *

‘What will you do next time _____ shows up for you?’

* Remember, this is not the same as suppressing your Inner Critic! No, this asks how life would be different, if you could calmly recognize its voice—and had the control to leave it behind. 

Now, you may find, these exercises are not easy to do on your own. For many of my clients, it takes weeks of soul searching and real deep inner-work to get a strong sense of who your Inner Critic is—before you can even think about outing it. 

Because here’s the truth… 

Many of us don’t even realize when our Inner Critic takes over—or how damaging it may be to live with this voice, that slowly picks us apart. 

It’s become instinctual. 

But, with time and care, the exercises above WILL help you break those destructive patterns of behavior…

Kick your Inner Critic to the curb….

And regain your control over your thoughts—and this next glorious stage of life.

XO 

Holly

P.S. Remember Rebecca? Yep, she’s my Inner Critic, my Gremlin. If you’d like to see how I deal with her—and dig even deeper into ‘outing’ your Inner Critic in the process—you can read about her here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Failing Is The New Black

    Failing Is The New Black

    Learn To Fail Or Fail To Learn

    Here I was thinking I had such a catchy title, “Failing Is The New Black”, but when I googled it, literally tons of articles with the same or similar title came up. Thus, my point…failing is in! As much as it hurts to fail, it is an important part of life. In fact, it’s an  absolute must if you want to be successful. Simply said, failure teaches us in ways success cannot. If you’re not failing you’re likely not growing. The time has come to starting failing more!

    If you really want to understand what it takes to succeed, bottom-line you need to rethink your relationship with failure and start embracing it more. Because as anyone who’s achieved something great will tell you, the road to success, with very few exceptions, is anything but a straight line. Though we all have been conditioned since a young age to equate failing with weakness there now is another school of thought which teaches that the path to success goes through failure, and that it is almost necessary to stumble and fall on your path to getting what you want. So here are some reasons that you shouldn’t fear failure, but rather embrace it.

    1. Failure helps you refine your process -As Thomas Edison said it best, “I have not failed I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Use your failures as stepping-stones to evolve to the next best version of yourself, becoming increasingly more equipped and skilled, so you get it better the next time.

    2. Failure makes you resilient -Every time we overcome something that is challenging to us but where we ultimately prevail, we build our resilience a little bit more. As a result we become more strong, increasing our ability to then withstand even greater challenges. 

    3. Failure is inevitable, perfection is impossible –If you research the stories of the most successful people of our time, you’ll find they, too, have failed. It was failure that produced the success stories of people like Michael Jordon, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Walt Disney, just to name a few. It’s all apart of the process, no one goes from 0 to 100 overnight.

    4. Failure helps you reach your potential – Extraordinary things will only happen as a result of extraordinary efforts. Embracing failure rather than avoiding it creates the conditions we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Otherwise, we will be more inclined to only work within them. To bring out the best in us-reach our greater potential-we must have a “no fear” attitude towards failure, allowing us to detach from the outcomes, knowing regardless of what comes, success is already in the works just by the sheer nature of trying.

    Let’s face it, the sweetest victories are the ones that are the most difficult. When things come too easily, we don’t appreciate our achievements. You deserve to be proud of what you’ve done, and unfortunately that pride comes in no small part from the knowledge that you’ve overcome challenges and failures to arrive there. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid of not trying!

    Wishing You the Very Best Of Success

    -Holly-

     

    New Beginnings

    New Beginnings

    Thoughts On Creating New Beginnings

     April 2015 Insights

    Spring has sprung! It’s a great time to embrace new beginnings. All around us we witness an awakening of our surroundings, bringing us the perfect climate, literally and figuratively, to create fresh starts and renew our existences. For me spring time screams the inevitability that nothing stays the same. Even though we often feel as if the winter will never end, we suddenly see a budding flower or experience our first warm weather day, reminding us that life is truly cyclical and that all experiences, positive or negative, come to pass. However, unlike the natural ease of the changing seasons, most people don’t strive for new beginnings nor exercise their power to create them. (more…)