How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

How do we know what’s right for us NOW in midlife?

by | Nov 9, 2023 | Blog

A Seven Step Prescription For an Experimental Mindset in Midlife

Now, if you’re reading this I’m assuming you’re the kind of woman who’s regularly looking for new ways to up her game—and feel fitter, happier, and more contented in your life? 

But, in your never ending search for more, do you ever feel like there’s just too much out there? 

And I mean ‘too much’ in the way of…  

What you should be doing? 

How you should be exercising? 

What you should be eating? (Not to mention all the scary conditions just waiting round the corner, that make you feel like staying under the covers.)

Well, how the heck should we know what’s right for us, and take a balanced approach to staying healthy and well —

Or even get into our good place (the magic) ✨ with everything that’s going on?

Well, THAT was the exact question I was asked on a podcast recently, and it’s something I’ve been mulling over ever since. 

Because although I do my damndest to pull back the curtain on midlife, and help women uncover the right path for them, even I feel bombarded by all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ out there…

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: the key to tell what’s right for you, and uncover your truest sense of self, is to embrace an experimental mindset. 

Now before you stop and say, ‘Holly, I just don’t jive to that! I want absolutes, not more things to try out!’ 

 … Just hear me out for a second. 

Because the truth is you’re going to have to embrace this if you want to figure out what really lights you up in life.

So that’s why I came up with my 7-Part Prescription for an Experimental Mindset.

(And yes, I called it ‘prescription,’ because if you’re feeling resistant—it’ll make it easier to swallow. Plus it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. So here’s what that looks like:

1. Investigate

Start by thinking about those people who are in alignment with your value base*, your personality and what lights you up. Follow them on social media, read their books, listen to their podcasts, watch their films. 

Then…

2. Choose

In other words, based on your intuition and what feels right for you—pick an idea or strategy to try on for size.

Now, the beautiful truth here is we’re so much wiser now! And SO DONE with anything that no longer serves us. And yes, it’s time to get ruthless. Delete the feed from the 20 year old doing lunges, or the influencer in hotpants that makes you feel inadequate. 

And instead replace them with inspirational women. Women who embody who you are, and where you want to go. Trust me, it’ll serve you in the long run… 

3. Experiment

This is all about establishing your strategy. Not sure what that is? Take advice from friends, your doctor, people you respect—in other words, people who you know have your best intentions at heart. 

(And if you’ve been thinking about trying that plant-based diet, or taking up pickleball? Now’s the time to do it…)

4. Listen to Subjective Feedback

The crucial thing to remember here is any new start will (probably) feel sticky at first. In fact, that’s totally understandable. Ask yourself—is it a natural fit for you? Or does it rub up against who you are, and how you approach things?

Subjective feedback means listening to your gut, and using your intuition. (Remember you’re so much wiser now!) 

5. Get Objective Feedback

This is exactly as it sounds—ask others for tangible results. 

So what does that look like? Well, if you were a client, this is where understanding my 7 energy levels are a HUGE advantage, and I’d ask you where you’re resonating at right now. 

But if you’re not, ask someone you trust. Are you more energized? Do you seem happier, or more contented? 

Finally, take a step back and objectively ask yourself how you’re doing. (This may sound counterintuitive, but don’t forget: there’s real truth in your own objective wisdom.) 

6. Evaluate

Are you getting the results you desire? Are you excited, committed, eager to continue? (And have you given it enough time?!) 

Which leads me to…

7. Re-evaluate

Now this step is crucial! I can’t say it enough…

Why? Because so often we don’t give something a chance to work! We disregard fasting because it’s too damn hard, we turn up the heat on our cold shower, we pack in the yoga because we’ll never be able to bend like we could in our teens… 

Well, maybe not. But y’know what? Who cares! And if you’ve learned anything by now in life you know none of this is going to be a homerun. You’re not going to knock it out of the park first time…  

But the important thing is you trust the process, and you’ve reached the best conclusion for you, by assessing and evaluating. 

And know this: You’re already a success in showing up for yourself. You became one the moment you chose to stand up and age powerfully.

Rooting for you, 

XO

Holly

P.S. I know this isn’t easy! Whatever age you are, starting something new can make you feel nervous, scared, and afraid you’ll fail. But as I like to say: ‘if not now when?!’ 

… And there’s no failure in trying something new. 

Now, if you want to learn more about embracing an experimental mindset in midlife, there are 2 things you can do next:

  1. Listen to the podcast episode, that kickstarted all this. Yup, this entire prescription came out of one simple question that Maryann LoRusso asked me on the More Beautiful podcast. (It’s amazing what happens when someone inspires you, right?)
  1. *Take my Values Assessment. If you’re new to this journey, and not sure what your true, core values are anymore (yes, they are changing up big time now in midlife) my Values Assessment will help you figure that out. 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

Don’t Mess With a Menopausal Woman…

by | May 3, 2023 | Blog

Three Simple Ways To Honor The Struggle (Because Sometimes Life Sucks)

Don’t mess with a menopausal woman who wants more for herself.

… Is something my clients and I often joke about. 

Because, the truth is, at our time of life? There’s SO much going on:

  • Hot flashes that soak the bed, or steam up your eyeglasses…
  • Parents aging, and demanding so much more from you…
  • Kids getting married, having babies—or leaving for college (and calling home when it’s not going so well…)

When, all the while you think ‘this should be my time now’ (to figure out where you want to retire, how to navigate your divorce, or what to do next in your career).

Yup, aging can be a reckoning alright. (Or as I like to call it: ‘a sh*tshow.’) 

Or… As Glennon Doyle so eloquently put it: ‘I believe the spiritual/official explanation for a wise woman aging is: LOOK AT HER! SHE HAS RUNNETH OUT OF EFFS TO GIVE.’

Well, for me, this only tells half the story… 

Because, what if, despite the madness, you DO give an eff…? 

What if you want to be ready for every curveball life throws at you (instead of cowering in the corner?) 

What if you want to move into the next phase of life on YOUR terms—more powerfully than ever?!

Well, I believe, a strong part of dealing with life’s uncertainties is realizing how to ‘Honor the Struggle.’ 

(Because, as we’ve established, sh*t’s gonna get real. But, it’s how we deal with it that counts.)

To help, I walk my clients through a 3-part process. And here I’ve simplified it for you:

Part 1: Acceptance

And all this means is: accepting where you’re at. 

Simple right? 😉 (And not to be confused with ‘resigning.’ That’s very different.) 

No, resignation is relinquishing your control. Quitting or succumbing to something less than desirable…

This means if you can accept life’s curveballs, you can regain control over them, and increase the likelihood that you will recover—by embracing what actually is, and what needs to be done—rather than wishing for something to be different.  

Part 2: Embrace an Experimental Mindset (and Build Self-Trust)

Now, I expect across social media, or in the business world, you regularly see people embracing a ‘growth mindset.’ And I say, there’s nothing wrong with that…

BUT, the plain simple truth is this: it’s easy to trust yourself when your plan is working, and everything’s going well. But learning to trust yourself under adversity is something very different…

Building self trust comes from knowing you’re resilient—and can bounce back from anything. It comes from being able to accept, acknowledge or honor the struggle, yet respond to any situation as you need to. 

(Now, here I will walk my clients through what might be blocking their energy, and how to handle them) but for now, use this takeaway: 

An important part of trusting yourself when things are challenging is knowing ALL experiences have value—but it’s crucial that you release your expectations to any particular outcome. 

Remember this: embrace an experimental mindset—and you can create purpose from everything that happens (even if things don’t go your way).

Part 3: Look for a Purpose, Not a Reason

Although the difference between the words ‘reason’ and ‘purpose’ may seem inconsequential, energetically they are light years apart—and easy to confuse.

And here’s why: the person who looks for reason takes no responsibility in creating her future. More likely, she’s stuck in the past, asking why something happened… 

Conversely, someone who’s looking for a purpose does so with an eye toward growth and expansion. 

Take my Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis for example. It could have been SO easy for me to look around and say: why the f*ck should my mother have Alzheimer’s? Why is this happening to me? 

But if I look for the purpose instead of reason, I realize that this is the perfect thing to give a (recovering) control freak—because I have deep immersion, and no control over it.

And there you have 3 reasons why I am totally about honoring the suck, validating it—and using it to better your life.

So next time, you think: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Flip the script to: ‘why is this happening for me?’

Remember this: happiness is an inside job. And right now, you have an unbelievable amount of wisdom that’s come with age… 

So don’t give up. Learn to trust yourself, embrace life’s difficulties, and you’ll discover courage you never knew you had. 

Rooting for you,

XO

Holly 

P.S. Want to go one step further and ignite a midlife reboot? Grab my 10 Question Toolkit. It’ll give you the skillset to not only manage the mayhem—but master it.

GRAB YOUR TOOLKIT NOW

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Midlife Game Changing Habits

    Midlife Game Changing Habits

    by | May 1, 2022 | Blog

    Top Five Strategies You Need To Know 

    ‘Holly, do you have any big strategies to navigate midlife? 

    ‘Y’know, the surefire, game-changing, non-negotiables that mean you’re always so on point?’

    Whoa. Now, there’s a question…

    And it’s probably the one I’m asked most — on the pickleball court, out to dinner with friends, by clients and colleagues…

    First — let’s get one thing straight, I am most definitely NOT ‘so on point…’ (!)

    Hey, I may be a Midlife Transition Coach, but I worry about my turkey neck as much as the next woman! I’m struggling to sleep through the night. Trying to figure out how to empty nest… gracefully.

    I too, question those goals I held for SO long, that sometimes feel flat and uninspiring… 

    Sure! We’re a boat load wiser. But if you find yourself wandering into the bedroom, forgetting why you’re there — and instead your thoughts turn to:

    >> Who the heck am I?

    >> What’s next?

    >> And how the hell do I begin to figure all this out?

    Then you need…

    The Top 5 Strategies To Thrive In Midlife Right Now 

    Yeah, that’s right: these are the non-negotiable, instrumental habits you need to adhere to IMMEDIATELY…

    No joke.

    Because ladies, I believe — no, I know — these habits are SO powerful, you’ll finally find your groove…  and forge your path towards a fuller, happier, more meaningful life. 

    (And hey, it’s what you’ve been asking for!)

    Because honestly? Let’s just not age gracefully. Let’s age powerfully…

    And dive right in!

    1. Keep Your Attitude in Check
      Even I find myself slipping into silly comments like: ’… well, I am an old lady.’ But, the more we indulge in that language, the more we give it mileage — the harder we’re making it for ourselves to switch gear and age optimally. 

    Energy attracts like energy.

    The truth is, we’re living longer fuller lives than ever before. There are inspiring women out there absolutely killing it in midlife, knocking it outta the park! So, instead of  indulging in negative language, flip the script to stories of strong, vibrant, engaging older women…

    And surround yourself with as much knowledge and education to live your life more powerfully.

    Check out this podcast: Radically Reframing Aging, and hear Maria Shriver discuss how we can all live our healthiest, most joyful lives as we grow older.

    1. Embrace The Now
      (Or, in short — if not now, when?)

    If there’s one thing the pandemic taught us, it’s not to hang around. I’ve worked with so many women who have had the rug pulled out from under them — diagnosed suddenly with breast cancer, diabetes, or their husbands get sick…

    You might remember last year my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s brutal. And I don’t know how long it’s gonna last…

    But I can’t live in a state of inertia thinking ‘once she has full time help’ or ‘once she’s in assisted living, well, then I can focus on xyz.’ I can’t wait, and I can’t put things off. I have to honor the fact it’s all consuming, accept it, yet still move forward.

    If we don’t start rockin’ and rolling now, then when will we?

    1. Treat Life As An Experiment
      It’s easy to get stuck in a rut — what we eat, how we exercise, even the makeup we use! (Am I right?) But our bodies have changed, our metabolism’s not so fired up, and chances are what worked in our 20s or 30s just ain’t gonna cut it. 

    It’s time to shake things up…

    You have GOT to have an experimental mindset.

    For example, I just don’t have the stamina that I used to. Honestly, the sh*t I could get done in a day… I’d whizz my daughter to dance class, get to the shops, see clients. Now? I just want to chill a little bit.

    So, I’ve switched up my day. I do deep work in the morning. And at 3, 4pm, I honor my need to rest. I’ll take the dogs for a walk, meditate, connect with a friend for coffee. And maybe then when I’ve done those things to nourish my soul — I’ll see an evening client.

    Try some new things on for size –experiment– not every action you take will be a home run but wisdom gained revealing what feels right, purposeful and fulfilling to you.

    1. Rewire Your Inner Dialogue
      Let’s cut to the chase here. You’ve already spent half your life beating yourself up, telling yourself you aren’t enough. Do you really wanna be 80 — and still judging yourself? 

    Or, looking back on your life wishing you’d been more present with your children, partner… but you were just too damn wrapped up and consumed by your own thoughts?

    Y’know, I’m just so done with it…

    Ladies, it’s time to let go of those old stories holding you back. Next time you hear that inner critic tell you you’re ‘less than’ say to yourself: ‘I’ve got this. I’m committed to my growth.’ Or ‘I’m discovering day-by-day what my goals and priorities are.’

    … And shut down that negative talk in its tracks.

    1. Cultivate Connection
      Most research will say, the number 1 predictor of happiness is the quality of our social relationships. Take this from an introvert! (Or rather a social introvert — I love people, but can handle them better in smaller groups…) 😉

    But, that being said…

    Here, we’re talking positive relationships. The ones that inspire, support, and challenge us. A diverse network — whether that’s seeing your best friend for lunch, or clicking with a virtual Mastermind group. Connecting with your sister, or a work colleague living overseas…

    These things keep us sharp, our wellbeing intact. They light us up.

    Because the truth is, the struggle is real. Midlife is tough. There’s no denying it. But I know with my whole being, that if you can adapt your habits and mindset to embrace these changes — you will reap the difference in your life…

    And glide into the next phase, with power, purpose and meaning. On your terms. 

    XO

    Holly

    P.S. Tell me, what are your top strategies for dealing with the chaos of midlife? Which older women truly inspire you? Comment below (or drop me an email) I’d absolutely love to know!