Real Vibes Only-Please!

Real Vibes Only-Please!

Toxic Positivity Is A Real Thing 

See the good in everything.

Stay strong.

It could be worse.

This too shall pass

Just be positive.

All well intended ideas but how do we effectively problem solve or respond appropriately to circumstances in our life that are causing discomfort and difficult emotions if we don’t deal with them as we truly are experiencing them. Clearly, as a women’s empowerment coach, I’m a big fan of the power of positivity. But when it comes at the cost of denying us the opportunity to be real and honest with ourselves, positivity winds up becoming toxic in nature, detracting and harmful to our growth because we’re not operating in a world as we really are experiencing it, rather as we wish it to be. Preventing us from having those hard conversations with ourselves and others. 

I understand people have the best of intentions and want to be a source of light and levity and not feel painful emotions but right now given the collective trauma we’re all experiencing with the coronavirus pandemic, toxic positivity seems to be more problematic than ever. It’s alarming and I’m seeing its impact on my clients big time; judging themselves for why they aren’t “feeling it”, beating themselves up for not aggressively pursuing their goals, wondering why they are waking up anxious more days then not and easily overwhelmed. Sure, we are all acclimating and adapting to “Covid Life” but that requires a tremendous amount of energy. We are working on low reserves. Now more than ever false, forced positivity is not the way to go, it only adds to our feelings of distress by putting an additional pressure on ourselves to appear ok, denying us the support we actually need to effectively cope with what we are experiencing. 

I’m not suggesting we throw in the towel nor resign or brood over our negative emotions but if I hear one more person chalk up their distress with “it could be worse”, I might just snap, because hell yeah it can always be worse but that’s not the point. Acknowledging and verbalizing our difficult emotions releases the hold they have on us while give us  greater clarity on how to best support ourselves. 

Whether it be your partner telling you to look on the bright side, a friend repeatedly sharing how much fun they are having even during the pandemic, a meme instructing you to “Choose Happiness”, or you’re feeling you should just be grateful for what you have and only have a positive mindset, remember toxic positivity is a real thing. If you’re not feeling it, avoid the urge to play along, as uncomfortable as it is to express negative emotions they offer us valuable information, allowing us to make decisions that will help us feel better in the long run. So we can then chose to put into place those strategies and “life” tools to build our capacity and claim our potential.

Encouraging Everyone To Keep It Real









































































Summer Series- Part III

Summer Series- Part III

What’s Holding You Back?

July 25th 2017 Insights

A few weeks ago, we explored limiting beliefs, the first of the “Big 4” energy blocks which prevent us from making conscious choices and reaching our potential. Let’s now take a look at another one of those blocks – disempowering assumptions. In general, assumptions are beliefs that are based on the premise that because something happened in the past, it is automatically going to happen again. When we make choices based on our assumptions, we let the past control the future. More specifically, disempowering assumptions hold us back even further, because when we experience something that doesn’t work, we likely avoid or simply won’t even attempt it again. Even if we do attempt it, we don’t put much energy towards it, or are engaged in what we are trying to accomplish, since we don’t really believe it will work. When we hold on to our disempowering assumptions, we miss out on many possibilities. (more…)

Make Stress Your Friend

Make Stress Your Friend

The Upside Of Stress

October 2016 Insights

“When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body’s response to stress”

-Kelly McGonigal, PhD-

Everyone has stress in their lives, and most people would agree they want less stress. But what people really want is to have less of a “stress reaction” to the things that are occurring in their lives and zapping their energy. Stress itself is not the enemy; it’s our reaction to it. How great would it be if rather than seeing your most stressful days as the worst days of your life, they actually become your best days? (more…)

Social Media Hype

Social Media Hype

Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side?

 March 2016 Insights

Most of you all know I have two teenage children, so as I am sure many of you can relate to, I am in constant competition with the allure of social media for their attention. Their cell phones and laptops seem to have become an appendage to their bodies, rarely other than when these items need to be recharged do I see them without them. Conversations about how many “likes” they received or how many followers they have, comes up often. Understandably, they know of no other world that existed before Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and the infamous #hashtag becoming an everyday household symbol. Social media is a way of life for them and now us and on some level I understand the value it provides, however, what I find unfortunate and a bit disturbing is how all these social media feeds breed what I refer to as “the grass is seemingly greener on the other side” syndrome. (more…)

Go Anti-Hibernation

Go Anti-Hibernation

Resist The Urge To Hibernate

 February 2016 Insights

With dead of the winter upon us and the holiday season no longer luring us out of our homes to keep us busy, the temptation to hibernate heightens for many of us. Like bears we humans experience a state of “winter lethargy”. But unlike bears we humans do not need to preserve our energy stores nor lock ourselves in our caves to beat the elements. In fact, contrary to how hibernation works for a bear’s survival it can be rather counterproductive for us human beings. (more…)