Your New BFF

Your New BFF

Dear Future Me…

Want to boost your mood, improve your outlook on life, pinpoint where your greatest efforts might be served, and create some accountability along the way. Imagine your future self! Picture yourself, thriving and living a full, happy life. Researchers call this your BPS-Best Possible Self and study after study say it packs a powerful punch.

Personally, I’m a big fan of this exercise. For so many of us in midlife who question what’s next and where to go from here, it’s a simple yet highly informative way to start fleshing out a new path leading the way into the second half of our lives.

Getting To Know Your Future Self

  1. Carve out undistracted time – find a place where you’ll have limited to no interruptions.
  2. Select a time in your future – anywhere between one year from now to no more than five.
  3. Spend a few moments visualizing your best future self, consider your –
    Personal Life including your interests, hobbies, health preferences, and any accomplishments you’d like to go            after. Professional Success this includes your career and job, what brings you a sense of purpose, any educational pursuits, your income bracket, and what you’d like for your retirement. Social Life your romantic or dating life, the friends you seek and keep, your relationship with your family, and any regular social activities.
  4. Describe your future self at that time – imagine you’ve invested the time and energy to actualize your best self. What does your life look like? What are you doing personally, professionally, and socially? How do you feel? Think? Experience Life?

Note: It’s important to remember that the purpose of this exercise is not to visualize  your greatest fantasy, but rather your best possible, attainable future.

From this identity you can then start to take action. Asking yourself what would my future best self do right now in this moment. This way of thinking can help you restructure your priorities and serve as a roadmap. So that when you wake up first thing in the morning and throughout your day your BPS can now be your BFF encouraging you to align with those actions that you know support your end game.

With the new year around the corner, this is a perfect exercise to take advantage of so you can hit the ground running in 2022!

Wishing You The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Happiness Is More Than Just A Feeling

Happiness Is More Than Just A Feeling

Be Obsessively Grateful

Crazy, hard to believe 2021 is almost coming to a close. Just about a year ago we were all so thrilled to say goodbye to 2020, now we’re just 2 months shy of welcoming in 2022. Now, I know the majority of this world is operating under some serious heavy energy but there is no better time than November, the month most noted for the expression of gratitude, to remind ourselves that often times “happiness” is more than just a feeling but rather a choice.

Hands down, if I had to pick only one most impactful mindset tool out there, it would be undoubtedly the daily practice of gratitude. It is the most powerful and simple way to squash negativity dead in its tracks.

Bottomline, the mind cannot focus on two things at once, by taking some time to relish in the good we can literally cancel out the bad.  Feelings of gratitude directly activate brain regions associated with the neurotransmitter, dopamine, and there is a ton of research proving how gratitude can work as an anti-depressant and send signals of safety and hope to our brains. 

So powerful yet so simple. 

Here’s another great way to expand on the practice of gratitude. This one I came across while reading the book,  Learned Hopefulness by Dan Tomasulo and has become a favorite part of my daily routine.

There’s a lot of really fascinating research around the concepts behind “hope” and benefits it has for cultivating greater positive emotions. Truth is we are all hard wired toward a negativity bias, I’ve written on this before (revisit here). Typically, if we are asked to look back on our previous day’s activity, we tend to view it in a very matter of fact way and likely hone in on what we didn’t accomplish or what didn’t go well.

Dan Tomasulo suggests to do the opposite, to literally list everything we can remember about our days activities but this time through the lens of gratitude. Taking two separate pieces of paper where we first just list out all we can recall. Trying not to leave anything off, from taking out the garbage to conversations we had throughout the day, and then using that list as a reference to now write about the same time period finding the good.

This small adjustment, tweak in perception is enough to activate different parts of our brain that were masked by the negativity bias, finding hidden gems altering our perception and opening us up to more positivity.

Honestly, it’s a game changer!

But one small caveat, as with any gratitude practice this is not a one hit wonder, the negativity bias is deeply ingrained in all of us, practicing gratitude is something we need to keep front and center.

 Just try out this exercise for one week and I assure you’ll feel the difference!

Wishing You Always The Very Best Of Success

-Holly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The myth of a manicure

The myth of a manicure

Ok let’s be real…

 Is it really fair to say getting a manicure, having a facial, or hanging out with friends is self-care?

 Or can that be more accurately described as self-maintenance?

 Don’t get me wrong I love getting massages, sitting down to read a great book or watching the latest episode of Ted Lasso.

 All of which certainly feel good in the moment but honestly short lived.

 So what is true self care??

 I know going to bed by 10pm or politely declining a second glass of wine isn’t super sexy or Instagram-worthy but let’s face it;

 Self-care doesn’t only mean doing whatever you want to feel good in the moment.

 If you want more bang for your buck like feeling: 

  • More comfortable in your own skin
  • Confidence in who are and where you are going
  • Energized and excited about your future

Self-care is also going to have to include doing those difficult things in our lives that we tend to avoid. Like boundary setting, truly listening to what our body, mind, and heart need.

And moreover finding the right support along the way.

There’s something to be said about being around like-minded women, you feel “get you”, and share common challenges yet different experiences offering fresh perspectives and enriching your knowledge.

Or talking to an expert who can share relevant strategies and game changing practices easing you into a more sustainable, realistic self-care routine that truly makes a difference in your head, heart, and health.  

Would you give yourself that gift?

If so, I’m bringing together an intimate group of women for monthly meet ups starting late September

Want in? Hit reply and I can share more info. 

XO

Holly

P.S. Here’s what Midlife Magic Monthly Meetups are going to look like…

  • Sense of community as you navigate mid-life transitions (offered in-person in Plainview NY as well as virtually for those afar or prefer the convenience of a remote experience from their homes)
  • Discover the 6 key elements that will help you move forward in a more conscious way so you can bust through any and all “midlife” transitions
  • Learn of 10 disciplines that when practiced will leave you feeling confident and clear about your future.
  • Understand how your current thinking and way of being is either supporting or detracting from making the next phase of your life the best.
Ok to admit this?

Ok to admit this?

It took one look at the deep lines surrounding my mouth (that reach from nose to chin) to make me realize that I look like a puppet…on zoom!

After complaining about my puppet like face to my hairdresser, she let me in on a little secret.

Want in?

Ok, I’ll tell you.

It’s a ring light!

And I’ll admit it, I figured the ring light is cheaper than fillers (and doesn’t involve needles).

Besides, with my doctor reminding me it’s time to schedule another colonoscopy, I figure I don’t need anymore invasive procedures.

So, the ring light was purchased.

Here’s something else I’ll admit: it feels like someone hit me with an aging stick overnight.

I go from boasting about being so ready to be an empty nester this coming Fall and then finding myself crying on my way to the grocery store after my daughter shared with me a Tik Tok she made of her last day in high school.

Holy shit, it’s the end of an era – I will never attend another parent-teacher conference again. I’m trading them for colonoscopies.

Maybe you can relate?

In fact, I know you can because everyday, on the pickle ball court, out to dinner with friends, amongst my clients, and fellow female colleagues.

Any woman in her mid to late 40’s and up can attest to this love/hate relationship as you age.

Leaving you wondering…

Who am I?

What’s next?

How the hell do I begin to figure this all out?

Unfortunately though most of us just suffer through and hope we’ll land on our feet. But what I’ve seen coaching women for the last 10 years is that having a concrete plan keeps us going.

In fact, I use a unique framework sharing 6 key elements helping you minimize the discomfort and actually optimize midlife angst to make the next phase of your life the best.

Would you give yourself that gift?

If so, I’m bringing together an intimate group for monthly meet ups starting this Fall.

Want in? Hit reply and I can share more info.

P.S. Here’s what Midlife Magic Meetups are going to look like…

  • Sense of community as you navigate mid-life transitions (offered in-person in Plainview, NY as well as virtually for those afar or prefer the convenience of a remote experience from their homes)
  • Discover the 6 key elements that will help you move forward in a more conscious way so you can bust through any and all midlife transitions
  • Learn of 10 disciplines that when practiced will leave you feeling confident and clear about your future.
  • Understand how your current thinking and way of being is either supporting or detracting from making the next phase of your life the best.

P.P.S. Update-I scheduled a consult with a cosmetic dermatologist and have officially started a slush fund for fillers. Not sure if it will be for me but there’s only one way to find out. Never say never 🙂

Keeping it real…

Holly

How Are You Showing Up?

How Are You Showing Up?

The One Thing That Changes Everything

How we show up, the energy we bring to any situation is the key ingredient to the results we get. We can be crazy smart, super organized, and have the best of intentions but without the right type and amount of energy the ability to show up and be engaged in life can be severely limited and sometimes just not possible. By understanding and then knowing how to handle our energy we can have a huge advantage in creating a life we love to live.

Truth is the vast majority of us are unaware of why things go well for us one day and not the next. Sure, it’s easy to say we simply just had a good day, everything fell into place, nothing unexpected occurred, or we were at the right place at the right time. But we all know life is challenging, at any given moment life can throw us a curveball, no one is excused from life’s ups and down’s. Chalking up our success and happiness or lack thereof, to bad luck or good fortune is frankly bullshit.

Think about it, rarely if ever, with the exception of a health crisis, does our level of capabilities, talents, and competencies change significantly from day to day or even moment to moment. So what is it that makes us feel one minute on top of our game and quite possibly a few hours later on shaky ground? Why with the same capabilities you have right now in this moment “perform” well one day and poorly the next?

Before you answer that, I want you to think about this…you’re about to go into an interview or a presentation at work, maybe you’re going to have an important conversation with your child, make a go or no go decision on a serious health matter, or possibly negotiating a deal with purchasing a new car, house, business venture-what’s more important in that moment, your talent or the energy you’re experiencing? 

Regardless of how skilled we maybe our core energy will be the driving force behind how our talent that will get used, creating the results we’ll get. And at anytime we are feeling stressed out, unfulfilled, or stuck it is because something is blocking our energy. Which is most likely a direct result of one or more influencers on our energy: 

  • Physical-when our body is unable to function in the manner we’re accustomed (I.e.poor sleep, nutrition, illness/injury)
  • Social-when the people and social conditions around us aren’t optimal.
  • Spiritual-when whatever we are doing causes us to question our purpose, values, goals and beliefs.
  • Emotional-when we feel reactive and unable to control how we want to respond in a situation we don’t understand or that doesn’t meet our expectations or needs. 
  • Environmental-when our surroundings prevent us from being at our best (i.e. extreme temperatures, office too loud, gym too crowded).
  • Mental-when we stretch ourselves too thin and our ability to remain focused is comprised possibly because a task is too challenging or boring.

Whatever your current aspirations may be…professional, personal, or both, by understanding and knowing how each of these influencers are impacting your energy you will have the greatest likelihood for optimal results.

Next time you move into that difficult conversation with someone near and dear, have an important work meeting, or are simply heading out to the tennis court, consider how each of these influencers may be showing up for you. Are they supporting or detracting from your experience? If so, how can you lean into those that are strong for you while lessen the pull of those that are working against you?

Bottomline, it’s all about creating an empowered energetic state and the rest will follow. Energy is the one thing that changes everything. We can acquire all the skill and mindset necessary as long as we learn how to handle our energy.

 Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-

Midlife Crisis Or Transformation

Midlife Crisis Or Transformation

Why Does Midlife Get Such A Bad Rep?

Now that I am personally in the height of midlife, I find myself vacillating between feelings of uncertainty and confusion yet a budding excitement of possibility and newness.  I mean I get it, navigating the inevitable transitions we face; our children leaving home, careers changing, parents aging/dying, re-envisioning intimate/social relationships, all while adjusting to our own health and body changes can be a disruptive force. For many of us, up until this point, there seemed to be a path we followed (i.e. school, careers, marriage/partnership, caretaking), or at least it was prescribed to us as the road that lead the way. But now the map leads…where?

On top of that who we are has changed, we care about different things and our values have shifted. What once served us well is no longer working for us yet these old patterns and habits are hard to ditch, leaving us wondering despite our best of intentions why we still feel unfulfilled and frustrated moving into the next phase of our lives. It’s no wonder midlife gets such a bad rep!

While midlife transitions are certainly challenging and often times messy they don’t have to be a downward spiral into darkness and irrelevancy. Here’s what I know to be true…I am way wiser now than I was younger. By midlife we’ve all learned enough about ourselves better enabling us to reflect and re-evaluate how we want to show up in the next phase of our lives. It can actually be period of time where we give ourselves permission to wipe the slate clean and reclaim ourselves, where leveraging a life filled with highs and lows can be the door to accessing a richer and deeper adult phase of life. 

Crisis or transformation? I think that’s really up to us. Look I really don’t like the fact that I find myself trying to conceal my “turkey” neck, struggle to sleep through the night, am trying to figure out how to empty nest gracefully, and am suddenly questioning goals I thought for sure would lead my way into the latter years of my life are now feeling flat and uninspiring. But here’s the thing, change IS an inevitable part of life. There is no getting around that. And since midlife seems to usher in a constant state of transitions, I know the one and only thing I can truly control is how I chose to show up through each. No doubt it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I’m going to lean in and trust the process, reminding myself I’m behind the steering wheel and put worry and doubt in the back seat. 

Anyone with me?

Wishing You Always The Best Of Success

-Holly-